The Click of the Light and the Start of the Dream
by KBRC10
Summary: After being held captive for nine months Kate Beckett is finally free, but now she must work with Detective Castle in order to solve the case that almost destroyed her. Can Detective Castle solve the case and bring justice to her? As the case unravels how will it affect both of their lives? AU & Pre-Season.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is AU, so if that isn't your thing I'm sorry. Please Enjoy and let me know your thoughts as I am extremely nervous about posting this!**

**Rated T for now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, this is simply just a hobby.**

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"Morning guys" Castle chirped as he walked into the 12th. Himself, Detective Esposito and Detective Ryan had just finished a big double homicide case and weren't really expecting to be doing much for the next couple of days except finish off the mountain of paperwork that came with the case.

Castle spent the morning at his desk, buried under half a dozen empty coffee cups and endless reels of paper and evidence that needed filing out and filing. He was just about to break for lunch when he noticed Esposito walking towards his desk holding what looked like an address. He knew he shouldn't really take on another case at this moment, but it was looking to be so much better than filling out endless forms.

"Hey, got a fresh one East 7th street, and it's a freaky one"

Castle couldn't help but be intrigued by the freaky ones. He gave a cheeky smile, grabbed his coat and the three of them made their way to the address.

Detective Castle had been working at the 12th Precinct for five years, originally he had been a writer, writing crime novels however whilst doing research he found that his talents lay more in the field than on the page, and even though his works were good, his talent was finding justice. He had proven himself over the years, built up his character to show that he was more than capable of doing the job. His writers imagination had never left him, he always took an interest in the more unusual cases, his outlandish theories had led them to some of the best breakthroughs they had ever had, building up not only his reputation with his colleagues but also throughout the force.

So when he had heard that this case had the potential to be one of the more unique cases he couldn't turn it down, the paper work could wait; he was never that keen on completing it anyway.

* * *

"So what have we got Lanie?" Castle asked as he entered the house, it smelt rotten, flies swarmed in one of the doorways, he took a quick glance and noticed a metal bed frame sitting in the middle of the room. The bare mattress looked damp and dirty, and then he noticed handcuffs attached to the top two corners of the bed frame. He continued to survey the room, not venturing too far inside. It was then he noticed the door to the room, it had a padlock in the middle with dead bolts at the top, middle and bottom, which looked as if they had been fixed on by armatures. He didn't know for sure what had happened here, but he had a pretty good guess.

"Single GSW to the chest" Lanie replied simply, pulling him from his thoughts and back to the reality of the case.

"That's it?" Castle asked, he thought this was a freaky one, suddenly all the images he had racing through his head, popped straight back out again and right now paperwork for the other case was looking more interesting than a simple open and shut case, which would only add to his paperwork pile.

"For the body yeah, but you might want to go and check the bathroom?"

Castle didn't question it he simply followed her directions and made his way to the bathroom. The smell from the bedroom seemed to carry through the rooms, spreading like a disease, contaminating anything it came in contact with.

Dodging the litter and broken furniture that scattered the room he had his way towards the bathroom. The house was in a state, it looked as though someone hadn't left there in weeks, maybe months. The living room; if it could be called that, contained a small armchair that was sunken in on the cushion, the springs clearly gone and in need of replacement. He couldn't imagine the extent of what had happened in this room. The house was only small. The dining room had been turned into the small bedroom that housed the chilling iron bed frame and bolted door, the living room took up most of the downstairs with only a small kitchen unit off to the right hand side. All the windows were covered with bits of newspaper and each door was fitted with a dead bolt across the middle of it.

Turning to the left he knew immediately which room was the bathroom because of the heavy number of uniforms that surrounded the room, as well as Ryan and Esposito who were stood directly in front of the bathroom door.

"Hey, what's going on?" Castle asked, keeping his voice low, noticing how it seemed Ryan had his ear pressed to the door, trying to work out what the sounds coming from the other side of the door was.

"Don't know, when uniforms arrived they said they tried to get into the bathroom but the door slammed shut and bolted behind them, they think they saw a young woman in there but didn't get a good look and now she's sat right behind the door. So they can't just break it down and she is refusing to speak to us, even Lanie tried speaking to her but she isn't having any of it" Espo replied, sighing as it seemed they were getting nowhere.

"Ok. Mind if I have a go?" Castle asked, raising and eyebrow in his typical way.

Castle wasn't exactly known for his soft side but he knew how to handle people well and when it came to it he could be very caring. He seemed to be able to gage when people needed help and when they needed taking down. The boys backed away from the door, Espo waved his hand, a gesture that meant 'do your worst', and it wasn't as if they had been getting anywhere anyway.

Castle leaned in closer, pressing his ear up against the door.

"Mam can you hear me. My name is Detective Richard Castle I'm with the NYPD. Can you open the door please?"

Everyone was silent, waiting to see if the woman had heard or was going to respond. After a few moments they heard a shuffling sound, but then what appeared to be more sobbing.

"You're lying" The woman said in a small voice, she was clearly terrified to open the door.

"I promise you I'm not. I have a badge to prove it. Look if you don't want to come out would you at least think about letting someone in, we just need to check that you are ok?"

There was no reply. Only the sound of small cries seemed to penetrate through the thick wood door. Castle looked to Ryan who shrugged his shoulders. They all knew that eventually she would have to come out, either of her own accord or through another method which none of them really wanted to resort to, if she really was as terrified as she sounded then breaking through the door, or coming in through the window would only scare her even more.

"I know you might be finding it hard to trust me but I promise you, my colleagues and I only want to help you. I'll make you a deal. I will leave my gun out here and will come in alone, but you need to give me your word that you will not try anything, I just want to help you, ok?"

Ryan looked at Castle questioning why he was willing to go into an insecure room unarmed, but he didn't voice his concerns. This wasn't the first time they had been in a situation like this and experience had taught him that working with Castle, no two days were the same and sometimes they needed to break the rules a little.

The team waited for a moment as Castle passed Ryan his Glock 19. The next thing they heard was the door creaking open slightly, only half an inch if that. He only saw a flash of brown eyes and brown hair that covered most of a woman's thin face, the rest of her body was hidden behind the door.

"Show me you badge" she demanded and Castle wasted no time in handing it over to her.

She inspected it clearly, running her slim fingers over the metal and across the badge number '41347'. A tear leaked from her eye before she could stop it. She thrust the badge back into his palm and then pressed her weight against the door again, only leaving enough room so that she could see his face.

"No guns" she whispered and Castle couldn't tell if she was talking to herself or to him.

"No guns, I promise, I'm leaving it out here with my partner. I'm unarmed." He informed her, hoping that he was convincing enough.

He watched as she quickly shut the door, before hearing what he presumed was her dropping to the floor and sobbing again.

"Ok, I'm going to come in. Do you have any weapons on you?" He hated asking, but it was better than him getting in there and then realizing that she only intended to harm him. He listened intently at the door, waiting to see if she was going to reply, or at least be honest with him.

"No" the woman whispered, she almost sounded as if she was shocked that he had asked, like it was some sarcastic comment.

Castle took this as his cue and slowly opened the door. He looked around and saw her sitting on the floor, cradling her knees to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, protecting herself. It was then he noticed that all she was wearing was a dirty over sized t-shirt and her underwear. He quickly shrugged himself of his long coat and wrapped it around her shoulders, it completely buried her covering up her arms and legs. She flinched at the contact and shot her head up as he fasten some of the buttons at the front of the coat, her tear filled eyes looking directly into his.

"Thank you sir" She said quickly, too quickly for Castle's liking, but that wasn't his main concern right now.

He could tell that she had been beaten, she had a large cut on her eyebrow and a quick glance at the mirror on the bathroom wall that was cracked with a smear of blood of it told him almost exactly what had made that cut. Her eyes were sunken and surrounded with dark circles, clearly showing that she hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a while. Her hair was greasy and scraped back into a messy bun with stray head falling to cover her pale face, her cheekbones were showing much more than they should do and her lips were chapped at the sides. He couldn't imagine all that she had been through, or how long she had been there and the colour of her skin told him that she probably hadn't seen daylight in a while.

"What is your name?" he asked gently, trying not to surprise her.

Such a simple question she should have answered immediately, but it seemed to take her a while she looked at him as if it was a trick question. She swallowed before mumbling,

"um – Kate, my name is Kate"

As soon as the words left her lips she looked down and squeezed her eyes shut as if she was preparing for something. Castle couldn't understand this, it was as if she thought she was in the wrong. He knew he needed to get her out of here and then maybe she would feel safer.

"Kate. I need to get you out of here, do you think you can walk?"

"Walk?" she asked quietly.

"yes walk, or do you want me to carry you, if you feel you can't walk?"

"I…" she paused, searching his eyes in case this was some sort of sick trick, but all she found was piercing blue swirls pouring out with concern.

"I would appreciate it if you would let me walk sir" she replied after a few moments of consideration.

Castle really couldn't understand this but he thought it best to just go with it for now. Without thinking he quickly took her arms and helped her to stand up, she jerked and gasped when she felt his hands on her and instantly went to protect herself.

"It ok, you're safe now. There will be other officers outside, but we are going to take you straight to the ambulance." He informed her, wanting her to know exactly what was going on.

"Ryan. Esposito. We're coming out, we're unarmed, and everything is ok" Castle declared, making sure that they understood there was no threat.

Castle kept on arm around Kate's shoulder as he guided them both out of the bathroom. As they entered the main room of the house he felt her jerk back as she realised how many other people were in the room but she seemed to relax slightly when she realised they were all police. Castle led her out of the building keeping one arm around her, he felt as if he was clutching a skeleton. They made their way over to the ambulance and Castle helped Kate climb inside and lie down on the stretcher. She instantly held her arms close to her chest and pressed her legs together. It was only then Castle noticed the bruising and scars that seemed to cover her legs, wrists and ankles.

A female medic arrived to check Kate over. Castle expected her to freak out but instead she let her take her blood pressure and check her eyes before handing her a glass of water and telling the driver to get to the hospital. Castle watched Kate intently, she didn't say anything but it was clear she wanted to speak, she wanted to ask something, he could tell by the way her gaze was shifting. Whilst the medic was checking her over, tears brimmed in her eyes but she refused to say anything, to call out, she lay there frozen. It was as if she had trained herself to lie still. Once the medic had finished Kate waited a few minutes before finally letting her body relax slightly. Even when they offered her some water she had hesitated before taking it and even when she drank it, it was the smallest sip before she quickly handed it back.

Castle stayed with her in the ambulance, hoping to take some details but it was clear that she wasn't going to be talking any time soon. Any attempts at a conversation were met by more tears in her eyes, he knew she wasn't ready to talk about what she had been through just yet, and it would probably be a while before her mind caught up with everything that had happened to her. So he decided to text and update to Ryan and told him he would meet them both back at the station once he knew more about what was going to happen with Kate, right now he didn't know if she was a witness, a victim or a suspect, so it seemed right that he stayed with her. He told himself it was the right thing to do, even if one of his excuses was that she intrigued him. He knew very little about her, yet he couldn't help thinking about all the things he wanted to know about her. He wanted to know what her story was, what had led her to being in that house and why she looked the way she did. They had managed to wipe away the blood from her face and in a different lighting he could see the tired lines that covered her face, they were much clearer than before, now they were more like clues as to what she had been through.

He watched as she stared up at the ceiling, with only the smallest of glances towards him every few minutes, he couldn't tell if she was just checking he was still there, or if she was making sure that he wasn't going to come any closer to her, he hoped it wasn't the second. He smiled at her, she didn't smile back, but she managed to hold his gaze just that little bit longer each time.

He didn't know who Kate was, or what had happened to her, but he was determined to find out, after all he still had a case to solve and right now it was looking like she was their only witness.

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**So readers this is my first AU fic. I have the story planned out and most of the chapters are already written so hopefully updates should be every other week. I know that AU stories are not to everyone's liking and this story will be pretty dark in some places, but I want people to remember that this is fiction and is only based on Castle. Also I am not from New York so don't really understand the address system so sorry if it is incorrect.**

**I hope people enjoy the story, I love to hear what people think so please any constructive criticism is always welcomed. This story is rated T after careful consideration, I do not intend for it to be took graphic as that is not the main focus of the story, however some chapters may be M rated however what is written so far is T.**

**Updates should be every other weekend, if I keep to my schedule and life doesn't intervene too much.**

**Anyway enough from me, I hope you enjoy and continue to read this new adventure that Castle and Beckett are about to undertake!**

**H.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I am not associated with Castle in any way, this is just a small hobby.**

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Kate. All he knew was that her name was Kate, at this point he didn't even know a surname or any contact details for her next of kin. He had tried asking her but she had been too busy monitoring what everyone around her was doing, it was as if she was making sure she knew exactly where everyone was including Castle. Castle stayed with Kate until she was settled into a cubical before excusing himself to call Ryan and Esposito and inform them that Kate still hadn't told him anything. Esposito explained that they had gone back to the precinct and would meet him there tomorrow, to have a full debrief of everything that had happened and the evidence they had collected, but without her statement it would be tricky to put a solid case together.

Castle wanted to return the cubical but knew that Kate needed some privacy, he had only stayed to take her statement and then he would need to get going, but it didn't look like that would be happening any time soon if her behavior in the last few hours was anything to go by. Officially his shift had finished hours ago but there was something about this case that intrigued him, he wanted to stay because he needed to know more.

Kate sat on the hospital bed, her legs swinging over the side. She was dressed in a hospital gown that they had given her, it was rough and scratched across her sensitive skin. When she had arrived they had shown her to a cubical and asked her to put the gown on whilst they waited outside for her. They had been gone about ten minutes, but Kate was used to waiting and she didn't mind the quiet, it soothed her. She crossed her ankles and kept her hands on her lap, staring down at her scarred skin. She was pretty sure that on the way in she had seen a calendar with the date 22nd July 1999, she couldn't believe it had been nearly a year.

She was pulled from her thoughts when the curtain was slowly pulled back and the doctor returned. She glanced up at him, he had a typical doctor look about him, one that said 'I would rather be somewhere else'. He came close to her, closer that Kate really liked but she forced herself to sit still, to remain calm and told herself it would all be over quickly.

"Good evening Kate, I'm Doctor Perlmutter, I hear you were found at a crime scene, can you tell me what happened?"

Kate looked up, he was asking her something and she knew she needed to answer him but she couldn't bring herself to explain, the words got stuck in her throat as her eyes widened in panic. She knew she needed to answer him, it had been drilled into her that when she was asked a question she must answer it, but she just couldn't. Her mind began to race and she wondered why the Detective from earlier had gone, she trusted him, there was something about him that made her believe that she could get through this. However the doctor standing in front of her, staring at her with tired and unsympathetic eyes told her that he was gone, and this was who was dealing with her now. She felt like an object, something to be dealt with, she didn't know where her family was or even where she was, she just wanted some form of normality back in her life.

"Ok, well, I noticed you have some bruising so I'd like to run a physical examination, if you could lie back on the table please?" The doctor asked, dragging her from her thoughts before she could completely spiral into her nightmare.

She watched as the doctor moved around the bed to retrieve some gloves from the side of the sink before washing his hands and turning to face her again. Kate began to shake, she felt completely out of control, she tried to move back, knowing it was best to just do as she was told, she tried to suppress her desire to lash out, to fight back, but something had changed, outside of that house she wanted to fight, she didn't want to simply sit there.

To give the doctor his credit he noticed her obvious discomfort and poked his head out of the curtain.

"Dr Parish?" He asked to the medical examiner who had been at the crime scene, she was standing talking to Castle, but looked over as she heard her name.

"Dr Parish, can you assist, Miss Kate is clearly very shaken and I think the presence of a female doctor may be more appropriate" he remarked.

Dr Parish nodded her head, excused herself from Castle and went into the cubical, leaving Castle outside. Dr Perlmutter gave Castle a glare, he had never liked him and thought that his theories were often irrelevant and unhelpful when solving cases and he refused to admit that Castle was actually extremely good at doing his job.

Inside the cubical Kate had managed to lie herself down and calm herself down slightly. The sight of the female doctor entering the cubical brought a sense of hope to her, but she instinctively shot up into a sitting position, feeling more in control that she would be if she had been lying down.

"Hi Kate, my name is Dr Lanie Parish, I was at the crime scene earlier today do you remember? I understand you've been through quiet an ordeal, would you let me examine you and make sure you are OK? I promise I will tell you exactly what I'm doing and at any time you want to stop we can, we'll take this at your pace, ok?"

Kate just watched her face, she had a kind face, a trustworthy face, and she seemed to care, even if it was just part of her job. She flicked her eyes to the other doctor standing in the room, looking nervously at him.

"Dr Perlmutter would you mind stepping outside I think Kate would be grateful of the privacy, could you tell Detective Castle that she will only be able to give a statement later on today after some rest but I would prefer to wait until the morning if that's possible"

Perlmutter simply nodded and left the cubical, closing the curtain behind him.

'Castle', Kate thought, she was sure that was what he had said his name was, had he really stayed at the hospital, sure it might have just been to take her statement but it was someone else who cared for her.

"Kate?" Lanie asked, drawing Kate's attention back to the doctor.

"Can you tell me your full name?" Dr Parish asked.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett"

"Would you like me to call you Miss Beckett?"

A choice, she was being given the choice of how she wanted to be addressed, that alone brought a tear to her eye, but she did her best to hold it back. It had been so long since someone had called her full name, it reminded her of how her mother would use her full name if she was either extremely annoyed or extremely proud of her.

"Kate. Kate is fine" Kate replied with a small smile.

"Kate then, what's your date of birth?"

"17th November 1979"

"are you in any pain at the moment?"

Kate swallowed. Every other time she had been in pain she was told not to say so and if she complained they would just hurt her more. Her bruises still hurt and her back felt like it was on fire but she refused to say anything and simply shook her head.

"Ok, well I would like you to lie back on the bed for me and I can check you over. Now I will talk you through exactly what I am going to do before I do it and if you want me to stop all you need to do is tell me" Lanie explained. She could see that Kate was nervous, her body was rigid on the table and her eyes were continuously flicking back and forth, making sure she knew exactly what was happening.

Kate nodded her head and tried to remain calm. She slowly lifted her legs onto the bed and laid down, wincing slightly as her back connected with the paper towel that covered the bed. The doctor moved a small stool to the head of the bed and sat down pulling on some latex gloves and moving the light so it shone on Kate's face. The light burned into her eyes slightly but thankfully the doctor moved the lamp so it was focused on her forehead rather than her pupils. Kate tried to stay calm and focus on the ceiling tiles. Reminding herself that it would all be over soon.

"Kate I'm just going to look at this cut on your eyebrow, can you tell me when this happened?"

"Today" she said automatically

"What happened?"

Kate closed her eyes, wanting so badly to say what had happened but she knew she couldn't, there was too much at stake, instead she stuck with the same line that she had heard over the past year.

"It was my own fault" she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

Kate couldn't bring herself to speak, the memory of her head being thrust into the bathroom mirror all too fresh in her mind. She remembered the pain being unbearable, the mirror had cracked and she regarded herself as lucky that none of the fragments had gone into her skin. She had been dragged into the bathroom after pleading with her captor for almost an hour that she needed to go. It was then she had attempted to escape again, using the last bit of energy she had before everything had gone to hell. She couldn't remember much after he had thrown her into the mirror, she remembered yelling and a gun going off but for how long she was there; lying on the cold bathroom floor before the police arrived, she had no idea.

Lanie didn't push the matter, she could see it was clearly upsetting Kate to talk about it, so instead she cleaned up the wound and put a large plaster over it to prevent infection. Luckily it didn't require stitches and she informed Kate that it would heal naturally in a few days as long as she kept it clean, used the antiseptic gel she would give her and changed the dressing every day. Kate simply nodded, trying to focus on what had just been said to her.

"Ok, now I need to examine your arms, I'm just going to roll this sleeve up to your shoulder, ok?" Lanie informed Kate, making sure to tell her everything that she was doing.

Kate nodded. She couldn't understand why she was constantly asking her if she was OK, she wasn't used to this. If something had bothered her before she was just told that she deserved it and would have to deal with it, but this time it was different. She was allowed an opinion. Her time spent in that house had changed who she was. She felt different. The person she had been before her abduction would never have been like this, she would have sorted herself out, would have defended herself and made sure that the people who attacked her were brought to justice. However now she felt as though she wasn't allowed to say anything, out of fear of what might happen to her family. She had no idea where her mother and father were, she hoped the threats her captors had made were only to keep her under control, but she hadn't heard from her parents in almost a year, she hadn't had any contact with anyone apart from the two men that had kept her in that house.

She watched carefully as the doctor examined both of her arms and stomach and then down her legs to her ankles. It was a slow process. Kate tried to remain as still as possible and just let the doctor get on with it but she had to keep stopping to make sure Kate was ok, or to write something down or patch up a particularly nasty part of the skin. It was only when Lanie asked Kate to sit up so she could check her back that the real problem came, Kate knew her back was bad, she knew it was covered in scars and sores but she couldn't explain them, she wasn't allowed to.

Kate sat up gingerly and cringed as Lanie pulled the gown apart at the back, moving Kate's hair out of the way. Lanie was shocked at what she saw. There were angry red marks that looked like she had been whipped and circle scars all across her back, that she presumed had been from a lit cigarette. Some of the marks looked fresh, others were older wounds that clearly hadn't been treated, she couldn't believe Kate had not said anything, she had been lying on her back for at least half an hour, the pain would have been excruciating.

"Kate, your back looks very sore, can you tell me what made these marks?" Lanie asked tentatively, her voice full of sympathy.

Kate shook her head. She felt Lanie press a hand on one of the sores and she jumped away.

"Ok, ok, it's ok Kate, I don't want to hurt you" Lanie said quickly noticing how much pain she was in.

Lanie knew the wounds needed cleaning and knew that the anti-septic wipes that she needed to use to clean the skin would sting, but she didn't have any other choice.

"Kate I need to wash these wounds out. It may sting slightly, but I promise I will be as gentle and as quick as possible."

Dr Parish felt sorry for what she was about to do, she knew it would hurt but there wasn't anything else she could do, she soothed Kate as she winced and tried to jerk away when the cold compress came into contact with her back. Tears fell from Kate's eyes as the memories of what created the marks sprang back to life. Luckily it didn't take long to clean and Lanie knew the next part would simply soothe the wounds.

"Kate I'm going to put this cream on some of the marks, it will be quite cold and should feel nice but it will also help to prevent any infection. I promise this won't hurt." She informed her, but she noticed how Kate tensed her muscles.

"But…I"

"Kate what's the matter?" Lanie asked, fearing that something was wrong or that she was allergic to something.

"I haven't earned it" Kate sighed. Any medication had always been a privilege and something that was only given to her if she desperately needed it. Her captors had refused to give her anything for her back, claiming that she had deserved it.

Lanie didn't understand what Kate had said so she walked round to face her and sat on the small stool opposite her.

"Kate, what do you mean?"

Lanie tried to get Kate to look at her but all Kate did was keep her head down, playing with her fingernails as she tried to calm her breathing down.

"Kate, please tell me what you've been through"

Kate shook her head, she wasn't supposed to say anything, it had been drilled into her.

"Look Kate, I just want to help you, but you need to help me as well"

Kate took a deep breath and looked up staring into the doctor's eyes.

"Lanie?" she whispered, as if afraid that someone else might hear them. It was the first time she had called someone's name out loud. Something inside her told her to trust the doctor, a voice that she hadn't heard for a while, a voice that she had grown to suppress.

"Can I trust you?" she asked quietly.

"Of course you can, anything you say stays between me and you, patient confidentiality" Lanie reassured her.

"I…I'm not supposed to…. I wasn't supposed to… I mean…"

She was cut off by Castle fumbling with the curtain and asking if it was ok for him to come in. Lanie sighed in frustration, Kate was just about to open up. Sometimes Castle really did have the worst timing.

"We're not finished yet Detective Castle. Kate I'm so sorry about this"

But Kate wasn't listening, she was cursing herself, if they ever found out that she had nearly told someone what had happened to her then it wouldn't be only herself that would be punished but her family too and she couldn't let that happen. She knew what she needed to do, she simply had to get out of the hospital and find her parents, then they would be able to sort things out, both her parents were lawyers, they would solve things, they always did.

"I really need to take Kate's statement" Castle said, trying to remain professional even though he couldn't take his eyes off the way Kate looked. She looked in pain, but more than anything she looked as if she needed a good meal and to sleep in an actual bed rather than a bare mattress.

"Can't it wait until the morning" Lanie argued, knowing how stressful the situation was.

"Not really. Dr Parish can I have a word outside please?"

Kate seemed oblivious to the conversation as Lanie left the cubical to speak to Castle.

"Castle I understand that you need to do your job but I really don't think she is in the right frame of mind right now. She is barely saying anything and when she does it's as if she feels she's not allowed to and she is covered in bruises and marks that show signs of abuse."

"Well I'll come back tomorrow then, will she be staying here overnight?"

"No, we don't have the facilities, but I don't think you should take her to the precinct I think it will just scare her, is there somewhere else she can stay?"

"No, do you think if I put her up in a hostel she will stay?"

"I don't know. I think she is scared, she needs someone with her. She seemed to relax when she heard you were outside, she didn't jump away like she did with Perlmutter"

Lanie said quirking an eyebrow at Castle, which Castle met with a typical glare, but Lanie knew Castle too well, he couldn't resist knowing the story.

"Everyone wants to get away when they see Perlmutter" Castle remarked.

"Castle come on. She clearly trusts you, she wouldn't open that door to anyone until you tried. Even I tried to talk to her but she wasn't having any of it. She trusts you, and for her right now that's a big step."

"Lanie you know I can't do that, she is a potential witness, it would be unethical"

"Castle it will be for one night until she has calmed down a bit, tell Gates that you are taking her statement in a more comfortable environment. Look she has nowhere else to go and if you think she is at risk then it makes sense" Lanie argued.

Castle considered this. They still hadn't managed to track down any family or friends and it was getting late, he knew the only hostels that would take someone at this hour weren't exactly known for their high security and maybe it would be for the best if she stayed with him, even if it was to make sure she didn't do a runner. Something inside him was excited about the prospect of learning her story, but he didn't even know if she would agree to this.

"Fine" Castle said and saw Lanie's face soften.

"Thank you. Come in we're almost done."

Castle followed Lanie into the cubical. Once inside they noticed that Kate had remained seated on the bed but she was picking at the bandages covering her wrists. As soon as she realized they were in the room she shot her head up, a look of fear on her face.

"I…I'm sorry… please… I didn't mean to…" Kate stuttered, her voice shaking and her eyes wild with fear.

"Kate calm down it's ok, what's the matter?" Lanie asked rushing over to her side to find out what was so wrong.

Kate looked down at the bandages and noticed they were coming undone because of her nervous picking. She looked up and tried to explain herself but she couldn't, her voice was completely gone.

"Kate it's fine we can just put some more tape on please don't worry about it" Lanie said as she went to work fixing the bandages as Castle moved to stand near Kate, making sure not to stand too close to her.

"Kate, I need to take a statement from you. Not right now, but maybe tomorrow. But for the time being I think it's best if you stay somewhere safe. I live in a secure building, with a spare room that you are welcome to use. How would you feel about staying with me for a while until we figure something out permanently?" Castle asked, keeping eye contact with her throughout and hoping that she would say yes.

Kate couldn't believe what she was hearing, someone was offering to help her. Even though she was nervous she didn't really want to stay anywhere else, she knew she needed to find her family, but right now she knew she wasn't in any fit state to do so, her body was bruised and tired and she knew she wouldn't get far on her own, but with the help of the police she might stand a better chance. However another part of her thought it could be a trick, she could go to his home and never come out, but she tried to not think about that and focus on the voice that was telling her this situation was ok and she could trust Castle.

Kate nodded her head slowly

"Thank you"

He looked at her in surprise and she looked back in surprise and panic and quickly added,

"sir…thank you that's very kind" She looked up at him to check if what she said was right and respectable enough, something she had grown accustomed to over the past few months.

Castle looked at Lanie confused and she gave him the same confused look back, but they could ignore it for now, right now he just wanted to get her somewhere safe where she could get cleaned up, have something to eat and get a good night's sleep.

"Ok, well you'll need some clothes, I'll just go to the shops and pick you something up and then I'll pick you up and we can be on our way" Castle said trying to put a plan into motion.

"That sounds great, well me and Kate will finish up here and then she is all yours"

Lanie hadn't realized exactly what she had said but the sudden gasp from Kate indicated that something was wrong. 'I'm all his' Kate thought to herself, questioning if she should have listened to her gut telling her not to trust them, they would just hurt her, she needed to get out, but she knew if she tried to run they would just catch her and probably punish her later for it. Whilst she processed her thoughts Castle left the room to pick her some overnight things up, leaving Lanie to apply the cream to her aching back.

"Kate I'm just going to put this cream on your back and put some plasters on, it won't hurt I promise and then we can see about getting you out of here"

Lanie moved behind Kate and noticed how she tensed up as she pushed the sides of the hospital gown apart. Kate sat frozen, she took a breath and prepared for the pain, she expected it to sting, the first time she had asked for some cream for her back they had refused and had simply made sure that the next time they hurt her it was worse than the first time. After that she stopped asking.

As the first blob of cream was spread across one of the welts on her back Kate felt instant cooling relief, it was as if someone was massaging her back and relieving her of all her pain, it felt like heaven. Kate let her eyes slide shut and just enjoyed the sensation feeling her whole body relax. The tension she had been holding and the fear of what was to come slipped away and was replaced with utter relief. After a few minutes Lanie was finished and was pulling the gown back up and moving to sit opposite Kate again.

"How does that feel?"

"I… thank you that was very kind of you to do that", Kate said smiling and knowing that the concern the doctor showed was genuine.

"Kate it wasn't kind of me, I was doing it because that's my job it's what I enjoy doing, I enjoy helping people. Castle should be back soon and then you will be able to leave, he will take care of you Kate, there is nothing to be afraid of"

At that moment Lanie's pager went off.

"Dam it, I'm needed downstairs, will you be OK to wait here until Castle comes back? I'll try and grab you before I leave but if not I'll see you tomorrow just to check on the wounds ok?"

Kate nodded and weakly smiled,

"Thank you, Lanie"

"Anytime, and if you ever need to talk here is my number" Lanie said handing her a piece of card with her details on before leaving the cubical.

Kate sat on the bed holding the slim piece of card in her fingers. This was all so new to her, people actually showing compassion towards her that was genuine and not just a ploy to gain her trust and then throw it all away again. Kate thought about her time in that house, if she had read the calendar correctly she had been there for just under a year, she couldn't quite believe it. A whole year of pain and feeling degraded and now she was free. Relatively she wasn't that hurt physically, yes she had scars from where they had restrained her and marks from where they had beaten her but she was alive, no broken bones or internal damage, she felt herself extremely lucky. The emotional scars though were going to take more of a battle to overcome. Things had changed, she had changed. They had took away everything about her that she thought she knew, drilled rules into her head that she couldn't shake off, but if she was really free she was going to do everything in her power to gain her life back. Kate was beginning to think more positively about the situation, she was going to be staying with a detective that's got to be safe right? And he seemed to care for her and wanted to help her and so did Lanie, her sense of hope was building with every minute that passed.

Castle returned to the cubical about half an hour later, Kate hadn't really noticed the time she had spent there, staring at the blank wall whilst inside she was reliving every moment she had spent with those monsters. Castle had brought her some clothes to get changed into, he told her he would wait outside and to come out when she was ready to go. Once again she was being given the option, she was allowed to do something on her terms. She thanked Castle, once again saying 'sir', it had become a reflex and one that was proving hard to stop.

She examined the clothes, black pants and a loose fitting t-shirt but both were of good quality and looked brand new. Even though he had told her to take her time she quickly dressed, the feeling of having clothes that were actually designed for her, that fit her was something that she couldn't quite believe. She stood up and for the first time looked at herself in the mirror on the wall. She looked a mess, her face was far too thin, her hair was too long and greasy and her eyes looked sunken in their sockets. But she knew there was nothing she could do about it here instead that was a task for another day, once the events of the day had finally sunken in.

She took a breath, steadied herself and made her way out of the cubical to meet Castle.

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**So there is chapter two folks, I hope this is making some sense but there are still lots more questions to ask.**

**After careful consideration I have marked this story as T as I do not feel comfortable writing M rated stories and that is not the main purpose of the story. **

**Thank you for the favorites, follows and reviews so far, I hope you continue to enjoy, I had some spare time so this chapter has been released a little early, reviews are always helpful and I hope you continue to enjoy!**

**H.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle this is simply a hobby.**

**Please Enjoy**

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Kate followed Castle up to his apartment, slightly keeping her distance. They hadn't spoken much, Castle had explained his mother was staying at a friends and wouldn't be back for another week, so they had the place to themselves.

For most of the journey Castle found that he was talking a lot about himself. He explained how he had initially attempted to become a writer however after working with the NYPD for research purposes he realized that he was actually better at finding true justice rather than writing about fictional justice. He had decided to try his hand at the police force and to his surprise he had been very skilled at it. He had risen to the rank of detective quickly, only encouraging him to pursue this line of work more. He found he could talk for hours about his work life, yet the one thing that he was really missing was to make a family of his own. When he had tried his hand at being a writer he had flirted with his publisher and they had the occasional one night stand but it never led to anything more than that, and after he decided to quit the writing she hadn't bothered with him since and other than a girlfriend back in college he hadn't had a serious relationship in years. The only relationship he did have at the moment was with his mother, who had recently moved back to the loft after her relationship had broken down and who she thought was her new love ran off with her life savings.

It was only after he had explain how he had come to get his new apartment at rock bottom prices that he realised Kate hadn't made any comments throughout the drive, nor did she seem to relax. She seemed surprised by the amount of bustle that occurred on the streets of New York, but then again if his presumptions were correct and she had really been in that house for months then he wasn't surprised. She was acting like an animal that was being released back into the wild, tentative yet curious at the sights around her.

They made their way up in the elevator to his apartment on the top floor, Castle guided her inside and closed the door to the loft behind them and locked it. Kate couldn't help the slight shiver that ran down her spine, she watched what he did with the key and when he put it in his pocket it dawned on her that he had the key to the only door out of there, which made he feel on edge and nervous.

"Please sit down, would you like a drink?" Castle offered as he made his way towards the kitchen.

Kate remained standing in the hallway, she watched as Castle went into the kitchen and took two glasses from the cupboard. Kate had only drank water since her abduction and only if her captors were feeling generous would they give her something else; orange juice usually but that was a rare occurrence. Just as she was about to ask for some water she caught something in the corner of her eye that forced the words back down her throat. It was a coffee machine. Before all of this she would start the day with a coffee, it made her feel like she was awake like she could do anything; but that might have just been the caffeine, nevertheless, she couldn't help but think about how welcoming the taste of coffee would be right now, how warm and soothing it would be as the taste trickled down her throat.

"Kate?" Castle asked noticing her obvious staring at the coffee machine.

"Would you like some water? Or I can make you something hot? Tea or coffee maybe?" he continued, trying to work out if she was simply lost in her own world or if something was wrong.

Kate's eyes shot up to meet his.

"I… a coffee… please, if that's OK sir"

"Yes of course it is, why don't you go and make yourself comfortable on the couch and I'll bring these over" Castle suggested, keeping his tone light.

Kate nodded and replied; "Yes sir"

As she moved to the couch she cursed herself for saying 'sir' again, she hated the sound of it coming from her lips but it was as if she couldn't stop it.

She sat herself down on the couch, sinking into the soft leather. She felt so small in comparison with the couch, it seemed to engulf her into the corner a feeling that made her feel safe, as if she could hide away there forever. Castle joined her a few moments later, settling himself down on the same couch but keeping a respectful distance between them. He reached over and handed her a piping hot cup of coffee, noticing how she was hesitant to take it at first, she kept her eyes locked on his for a second too long before shifting her gaze to focus on the drink in front of her. She held the mug tightly, the ceramic slightly burning her fingers but she didn't care, it felt so good. She breathed in the smell of the coffee and got lost in that small moment, to anyone else a coffee was an everyday occurrence but for her this was a special treat, a luxury that she never thought she would have the pleasure of tasting again.

"Kate, I need you to tell me exactly what happened at that house, I understand you probably don't want to talk about it tonight, but I will need a statement from you soon, tomorrow if possible, that way we can begin to build a case. You are welcome to stay here unless there is somewhere else you would rather stay? I know we hadn't managed to track down any family just yet, but my partners are working on that as we speak so it shouldn't be too long until we find them."

Kate glanced up at Castle, trying to take in everything that he had just told her. She knew she needed to give a statement, it was procedure and something that would need to be done soon, but the thought of reliving it all again overwhelmed her. As soon as Castle mentioned building a case her mind began to reel, she thought she had heard him mention her family but couldn't be sure, after what her captors told her she didn't know what to believe any more.

"Well anyway I have set up the guest room for you and put some toiletries in the bathroom, I was thinking if you want to go and get cleaned up and then we could have some dinner?" Castle continued, noticing how Kate had tensed at the mention of a statement. He decided that it would be better to get her cleaned up, give her something good to eat and let her have a good night's sleep before he attempted to bring up the subject again.

To Kate though it was anything but, she couldn't work him out, what he wanted and why he was being so kind to her. Even the offer of a shower to her sounded like an order; she knew something was wrong, this wasn't her, but she couldn't stop it. Her gaze shifted nervously as a way to process everything that was happening. It was only then that she realized how extremely clean and tidy the apartment was, all the furniture looked unmarked and everything looked like it had a specific place. Then she remembered the state she was in, she had barley washed herself properly, she thought that she was dirty and that Castle wouldn't want her messing up his place. As nice as he seemed she knew from experience that people changed in an instant. She quickly put down the coffee mug and went to stand up, reciting the dreaded 'yes sir' without a second thought.

"Kate wait" Castle called after her and she froze.

Her mind raced with questions. _Was she in trouble? Had she offended him? What would happen next? _All questions that she had constantly asked herself over the past nine months but never received a coherent answer to. She waited for his response, bracing herself for what was to come.

"You can finish your coffee first you know" he continued casually, almost in a jokey way.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, she wasn't in trouble. She gave him a smile that showed more relief than happiness and sat back down, picking up the mug and taking a long drink.

"Feeling better?" Castle asked, once again keeping his questions short, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.

"Yes sir" Kate replied honestly.

"Kate why do you keep calling me sir? You don't need to, my name is Rick Castle, please call me Rick."

"Sorry" Kate mumbled and took another sip of the coffee, her expression clearly showing her enjoyment, but as she looked to Castle she realised he still wanted an explanation from her, it showed in his face. She was getting the impression that he wasn't very good at hiding what he really wanted to know, the tell-tale lines on his face were a clear indication that he was thinking about asking her something but couldn't quite word it properly.

"In the house, I had to call them sir. They didn't tell me their names and…" Kate stopped, once again finding that her explanation was stuck in her throat feeling as though it was choking her and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She took a breath and calmed herself, organizing her thoughts before she continued.

"After the first few days they told me that I could call them sir, that way if I needed anything I could get their attention and I wouldn't need to know their names. It gave me a bit of hope that if they didn't want me to know their names that they might let me go because I didn't know anything about them. It turned out that wasn't the case"

Castle didn't press the issue, it was clearly something that needed to be addressed but at a later date. He could see she was exhausted and rightly so, the past few hours had flown by in a blur and right now he just wanted to get her settled so he could begin to think about where he would begin with the investigation in the morning.

They sat in silence as she finished her drink before he told her that he was going to start dinner and check in with Ryan and Espo and in the meantime she could get showered and changed.

Taking her now empty mug from her and putting it in the sink to be washed later he showed her upstairs and towards the bathroom. Handing her a fresh towel, some shampoo, conditioner and some body scrub, he prepared to leave her in peace for a while, before remembering that she would need her bandages covering so they didn't get wet.

"Ok, we need to wrap your bandages, Lanie said they couldn't get wet, she gave me some large plasters that should cover them, so if you just hold out your wrists I can wrap them" he explained.

Her reaction was instant, she pulled her wrists to her chest, backing off into the cold tiled wall of the bathroom, her back stinging with the shock of the sudden temperature change and her eyes growing wide as she shook her head in fear.

"Kate, what's the matter? Are you OK? Please talk to me" Castle asked, concern pouring from his lips.

"Not again" she whispered more to herself than Castle.

"What do you mean, not again?" Castle questioned, making sure to keep a slight distance from her.

"He said he wouldn't. I did as I was told, he said he could trust me" the words fell from her mouth, none of them making much sense to Castle.

"Kate I don't understand" he told her, trying to bring her back to reality. He wondered if she was having flashbacks, or was trying to tell him something important but none of it was helping.

She could tell he didn't understand her, once her mind had finally caught up with her she become conscious of where she was. It was his comment _'hold out your wrists'_ that had flooded her mind with memories that only she held. She swallowed and looked up to meet Castle's puzzled eyes.

"I don't want anything wrapping around them, restraining them" she explained, her voice a weak whimper that was so unlike anything she used to recognize as her own.

"Kate it's not a restraint, it's there to help you and ease the pain. I promise I will be very quick and gentle. Do you trust me?"

As soon as the question left his lips he knew it was a stupid thing to say, to ask her to trust him when she hardly knew him. He could see her mind working things over, trying to assess the situation in a logical way. He knew there would be a story behind those eyes, something that explained how she could think rationally yet display such nervous behavior.

To his surprise she slowly held out her wrists. As soon as the bandage came into contact with her skin she flinched and focused her eyes to the right, refusing to look at what he was doing. He was quick in wrapping them, knowing that she was finding this hard. He finished but didn't say anything to her, he couldn't find the words, so instead he let go of her wrists and watched as she pulled them back to her chest.

"If there is anything else you need Kate, my mother keeps some toiletries in the left cupboard and I'm sure she wouldn't mind you using some" Castle said softly before turning to leave.

"Thank you, Castle." Kate replied, still unable to look at him but much less scared than she had originally been.

He smiled at her words and it took a few minutes for her to realise that she had called him by his name and a sense of relief washed over her, knowing that things were changing, even if it was a simple thing such as his name. She watched him leave and close the door gently behind him.

Kate stood in the bathroom staring at the door for a moment, she had been left alone in the bathroom, and this was a first in a long time. There was no one guarding the door or even standing in there with her watching her every move. Kate's wrapped her fingers around the lock and bolted the door into place instantly making her feel safer as she controlled this situation. She leant down to the cupboard and inside were a packet of disposable razors, nothing fancy but to Kate it felt like a lifeline, another way to gain some control.

She placed the bottles and razor in the shower and turned on the water, once she could see the steam rising she slipped out of her clothes. A part of her wanted to look at the marks on her body but another subconscious part told her nothing would have changed. The plasters that Lanie had put on some of the cuts on her body needed removing before she showered. Castle hadn't seen them and she didn't intend on showing them to him any time soon. Very slowly she began pulling the plasters from her skin starting with a large square plaster on her ribs, holding her skin tight she pulled it off slowly, trying not to snag the skin too much. It was a burn mark. The worse one she had received, small and round and would forever put her off cigarettes. She closed her eyes, forcing the memory to the back of her mind and moved on. Two more plasters later and her skin was clear, she tried her best not to look, it only upset her. Countless times she had told herself that they would heal, that if she didn't lean on them and made sure she kept them as clean as possible then maybe they wouldn't scar.

Kate knew from experience that as soon as the water hit her skin it would sting, those first few minutes until she was able to adjust to the temperature and block out the pain. She braced herself and stepped slowly into the shower. She was right, the water did burn at first, but she gritted her teeth, refusing to give up and instead waited for the pain to subside.

After a few moments the burning of the water turned into a welcoming relief. Kate felt the hot water running over her skin, washing away all of the grime of the past year. She attempted to run her hands through her hair but it was tangled and seemed to be coming out in her fingers. Grabbing the shampoo bottle she poured a generous amount into her palm and then ran in through her hair spending good ten minutes massaging her head. Kate stared into the drain and noticed a small amount of blood, although couldn't pinpoint exactly where it came from but it didn't look fresh and it wasn't that much that she needed to be concerned. She had seen more. Once all the shampoo was washed out she repeated the process with the conditioner running it through her hair, enjoying the silky feeling. She couldn't remember the last time she had washed her hair properly, it felt amazing. Once it was rinsed through she carefully put some soap on her legs, picked up the razor and very slowly began to shave her legs, avoiding any marks and carefully gliding over any bruised patches of skin.

Once she was finished Kate stepped out of the shower, wrapping the warm towel around herself and scooping her hair up in another. She dried herself off carefully, gently dapping her skin. Her skin felt tight and in need of a deep moisturizer, thinking back she would have asked Lanie to give her some cream for her back, the gels she had used earlier had felt wonderful and had been a welcome relief. Making a mental note to ask Lanie about it the next time she saw her she began to get herself dressed again.

Downstairs Rick had been busy making Spaghetti Carbonara for dinner. He had tried calling Ryan and Esposito again but with no luck so far, instead he settled for texting them her full name and telling them to find out as much as they could and he would try to ring them again later. He turned to plate up the pasta when he saw Kate coming down the stairs, cautiously measuring her steps with her hand wrapped around the banister tight enough to turn her knuckles white. He could tell she was exhausted, her body looked ready to drop but he didn't want her to sleep on an empty stomach. Not knowing when she had last eaten scared him slightly, although he was skilled at wrapping wounds he had no idea what to do if someone fainted, therefore his solution was to make sure she ate something and then got as much rest as possible.

"Ah Kate, good timing, dinner is ready, please come and take a seat" he announced, trying to make the whole situation less intense for both of them.

Kate smiled at him and went to sit down at the table. He joined her with two plates full of food, placing a large portion of the pasta in front of her. Kate had never seen something look so amazing and enticing, her mouth instantly filled with saliva as she waited for permission to eat. Rick began eating, twisting the hot pasta around his fork as the steam from the food danced up into the air. Castle watched as she eyed the meal, her fingers twitching to pick up the fork and eat, curiosity got the better of him and instead of talking to her he waited to see what she would do.

Kate focused on the fork, all she had to do was pick it up, it was a simple process, so far he had been kind to her and had treated her with respect, he had told her that she could call him Rick and had let her have some privacy. A part of her wanted to test him, to see if he reacted when she did something without permission or without asking. That was the part of her that her captors had made her suppress; the old Kate Beckett, the one she was keen on getting back. She did it. She grabbed the fork and began winding the pasta around it before shoveling a large portion into her mouth, she wasn't sure if she even chewed it before swallowing it down. Only then did she look up and see Rick watching her intently.

"Guess you were hungry?" Rick asked, once again keeping his tone light.

Kate just gave him a smile back and continued eating, he hadn't told her to stop, and instead he had made a joke about it.

"Kate when was the last time you ate anything?" Castled asked, instantly bringing the seriousness back to the conversation.

Kate couldn't remember exactly the events of the past few days seemed a blur. She went through all she could remember in her mind. When the police had raided the house in the early evening she hadn't eaten that day or the evening before, she figured it must have been yesterday morning when he had arrived with a cereal bar and although it wasn't filling at that moment she would have eaten anything as long as there was food.

"Yesterday morning, I think" Kate replied talking around another mouthful of the food.

"You might want to slow down a bit then" Castle advised, something he instantly regretted when he saw her face drop.

Kate nodded, taking in his expression trying to gage if he was annoyed or concerned. She knew he was right though, her stomach probably couldn't handle the amount of food she planned on devouring and maybe going at a slower pace wasn't such a bad idea. However her mind seemed to disagree, she was used to simply eating everything that came her way, unsure of when her next meal would come.

"Listen Kate whilst you were in the shower Lanie called and said she would call by in the morning to see how you're doing and then after that I thought maybe we could have a talk about what happened at the house? Like I said earlier I do need a statement from you as soon as possible. I've tried to contact my partners to find out about your parents, they will be running your details now so we should have some information by the morning, unless you have any contact information that we can use, even a name would be a great help right now"

Kate nodded her head, she knew she had to explain things at some point, but not tonight, it was all too much. The mention of her parents brought a tear to her eye, she couldn't deal with it, not right now. She didn't even know if they were alive, she had been missing for months and there had never been any contact made, she didn't want to believe that her parents would let that happen, they were good people and the only reasons she could think of that meant they wouldn't find her didn't bear thinking about. Suddenly everything felt too much, her chest tightened and her eyes began to sting, she needed to be alone. The events of the past twenty four hours finally catching up with her, her appetite had disappeared and instead she was left with a feeling of emptiness.

"Kate, is everything alright?" Castle asked, his voice sounding to her as if he was underwater.

Kate tried to focus, she just needed to get out of the room and be on her own.

"I'm just so tired" she lied and she saw Castle's face change. He knew she was lying, she could see it in his eyes.

"It's not that I don't like the food, I do and I'm so grateful and I will finish it I promise but I… it's just…" she couldn't find the words, her mind was racing and she couldn't work out if he was annoyed at her for lying to him or for passing on his food when he had clearly put a lot of effort into it. She monitored his face, believing that this would be the moment that everything changed, the moment when he would yell at her or make her feel like she was ungrateful because of everything they had done for her.

But he didn't.

"Kate its fine, you can eat as little or as much as you want, come on I'll help you get settled in your room." He said standing up and motioning for her to do the same.

They made their way up the stairs and Kate followed Rick into the spare room.

"I bought you some pajamas earlier and there is a hair brush and a toothbrush in the bathroom, is there anything else you need?"

"No thank you" she whispered.

"OK, well if you need anything I'll be right downstairs, please don't be afraid to wake me or if you need a drink or anything feel free to help yourself, I want you to treat this place like your home"

"Thank you Rick, that's very kind of you"

Rick smiled back at Kate before leaving and closing the door behind him. Kate quickly changed and then climbed into the bed. Her first thought was to curl into a ball to protect herself, like she used to try and do, but now she didn't need to. She stretched out across the bed enjoying the feeling of sleeping without restraints. The duvet pulled high up to her neck as she buried herself in the mass of Egyptian cotton and duck feather pillows. She had been lying there for a while before she noticed the itching of her back, something that had always frustrated her when she had been trying to sleep. Although the pajamas were comfortable, they were new and hadn't been washed and seemed to cling to her skin. She didn't want to sleep without a shirt on, the feeling of being vulnerable to great but then again at least she would sleep. Countless nights she had spent wriggling on the bare mattress trying to find a comfortable position if there was one. She sat herself up and thought over her decision, she knew Castle wouldn't harm her, he was a detective, someone who was paid to find justice. Coming to a decision she removed the night shirt and settled herself back down under the covers, keeping the shirt close by and pulling her knees up to her chest as much as she could. It took a while for Kate to get to sleep as she was keeping one eye on the door in case he came back. But once sleep took over Kate was deep in slumber for the rest of the night, exhaustion taking over.

In the kitchen Castle was busy clearing up after dinner when his phone rang, Detective Ryan's number flashing up on the screen.

"Castle" he answered habitually.

"Hey Castle, sorry it's taken so long but we found out some information on Kate Beckett. You might want to sit down, there is a lot to get through."

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**Once again thank you for your continued support with this story. I do realize that I am taking a few liberties however this story is AU and is fiction. It is set pre-season so the timeline may be slightly off however I have attempted to stick to the TV series as much as possible. I hope this chapter makes it clear that Alexis will not feature in the story, I thought that this story is AU enough and it may confuse things (if they aren't already too confusing!).**

**I do not have a beta as this is only a hobby that I do in my spare time so all grammar or spelling mistakes are my own, however I am working on them and trying to edit chapters better, that being said it may be longer between updates.**

**I hope you all stick with this story and thank you to everyone who is reading, following, marking it on your favorites and reviewing, I am extremely grateful and honored that you spend you time doing that.**

**Until next time...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own, or am I associated with Castle, this is just a hobby.**

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After only four hours sleep Castle was running on coffee as his mind tried to take in the amount of information it had just received. He and Ryan had been talking until 2am going over the case details and everything they knew about Katherine Beckett so far. Ryan had been right, he had needed to sit down. It wasn't often that a case like this crossed his path, in fact this was the first time in his career that he had discovered a hostage at a murder scene.

At first glance the case seemed simple enough. Their victim was Owen Landers, 25 years old, no qualifications to his name but he managed to hold down a job at a local bar, which earned him enough money to pay his share of the rent. He lived there with his older brother Jonathan Landers, who was yet to be found. The cause of death was a single gunshot wound to the chest but the person responsible for pulling the trigger still remained at large.

Ryan had gone on to explain how they had found the house. Castle had only managed to get a glimpse of it yesterday and he hadn't been there long enough to truly process the extent of the living conditions. Ryan explained how it looked as if the brothers had been holding Kate hostage in the bedroom, the boarded up windows, padlocked doors and handcuffs all pointed to the idea that they had held her there for an extended period of time. However with one brother dead and the other nowhere to be found, there was no way of finding out the true extent of what had happened until CSU came back with their full report, or Kate managed to give a full statement.

He thought Kate might have been awake early. Throughout the night he had constantly gone upstairs to check on her. The first few times he didn't enter the guest bedroom, giving her the privacy that she deserved, however around 6am he thought he heard a noise coming from upstairs. He went to check, once again holding himself back from venturing into the room, but after a few moments of standing there, his curiosity got the better of him and he gently opened the door. To his surprise she was still asleep, curled up in a ball on the corner of the bed. He didn't want to wake her, knowing that she probably hadn't had a good night's sleep in a while and was most likely making up for it now.

Lanie arrived at 7am before her shift began, although Kate had been discharged, she had promised Castle that she would come and check on Kate and fill him in on any more details of the case she had found after they had left the hospital.

"So how's she holding up?" Lanie asked, sitting at the breakfast bar as Castle handed her a coffee.

"OK, I think. She didn't say much last night, nothing that made much sense anyway."

Lanie raised an eyebrow at him. Although she wasn't a detective she and Castle had been working together ever since he started at the twelfth and she knew when he was keeping something from her.

"I didn't want to push her" He explained, knowing that if what she had said to him didn't make any sense, it probably wouldn't make much sense to Lanie either.

"She had a shower, had some dinner and then went to bed. She seemed exhausted after yesterday. God only knows how long she spent in that house."

"Well that's only natural, did she say anything about what happened?"

"No, like I said I haven't managed to take a full statement yet. I'm hoping to take her to the precinct today. Ryan called earlier but he said that CSU are still writing up their report and with one owner of the house dead and the other nowhere to be found Kate is the only witness at the moment"

Lanie was silent, her eyes darting to the left as she took another sip of her coffee. He knew Lanie, and he knew she couldn't keep her opinions to herself, especially if it was to do with a case, he had learned early on never to question her or the evidence, and her little eye roll was all her needed to know that she wanted to tell him something.

"What?" he asked, taking a seat on the other breakfast stool.

"Castle. Last night in the lab I was testing Kate's clothing; the shirt she was wearing specifically, it had gunshot residue on it."

"Well if she was close by when the gun went off then it will do, won't it?"

Lanie paused, she didn't want to believe the evidence either, but right now it was possible that Kate was more than just a witness.

"Come on Lanie you can't honestly think she killed him"

"I don't know. There could be a number of reasons as to what happened there yesterday. But it's my job to explain the evidence as I see it and without any other suspect I can't draw any other conclusions"

"Lanie you can't honestly think that she killed him, even if she did it was most likely self-defense. She is terrified, she jumps at the slightest thing. Last night she could barely look me in the eye, she couldn't even say my name. That woman has been through hell, you've seen the marks on her yourself."

Castle stood up again and began pacing the kitchen to compose himself.

"I know, and if you want my personal opinion, even if she did kill him it would have been in self-defense. However I think we're more likely to be looking at someone else for his murder."

Castle sighed, he knew they had to look into every possible explanation. Castle said, leaning on the breakfast bar as he ran his hands down his face, as if to wipe away the confusion.

"She was afraid yesterday. She wouldn't let me come in the bathroom with a weapon" his voice lower now, more stating a fact than trying to argue a point.

"Exactly. I think it is more likely that someone else did this but we need to make sure, we need to find that person, otherwise all the evidence points to Kate." Lanie explained in a soft voice, bringing a sense of calm back to the conversation.

Castle nodded. He knew what was at stake, the only way to truly figure out what had happened was to take a full statement from her. Something he knew wouldn't be easy to do.

"I'll go and wake her and see how she's doing, I also need to check her wounds. I'll try and get her to open up a bit more, but Castle I know you, and I know you need a statement, but for now it may be best if I talk to her alone"

"I understand, she seemed pretty relaxed with you yesterday. But Lanie if she tells you something that might help us solve this then you must tell me."

"Castle, you know I am bound by patient confidentiality, anything she tells me in confidence has to stay that way"

"I understand but Lanie, I can't solve this case until she tells me what happened" the desperation in his voice slowly creeping back in, his need to know the story becoming obvious.

"I know, look Castle let me talk to her and see where she is at, if after that I think she is ready to give a statement she can, but until then I think it's best to take things slowly, if we rush things it might just push her further away."

"OK, well she is in the guest bedroom, last I checked she was still asleep. I made her a coffee, it seemed to calm her down last night" Castle said handing Lanie the mug of coffee. Lanie thanked him and made her way upstairs with her medical bag.

Lanie walked into the spare room slowly, if Kate was awake she didn't want to startle her, but as she moved further into the room she noticed that Kate was still asleep. She was clutching the bedding, clinging onto it for dear life, a shine of sweat was glistening across her brow and her hair was sticking to her forehead. Lanie approached the bed slowly, setting her bag down on the floor and placing the coffee on the bedside table. Kneeling down so she was eye level with Kate, she moved the hair from across her face speaking her name quietly.

Kate's eyes immediately shot open. Her body jumped back slightly as she clutched the bedding tighter, fear filled her eyes as she backed away from Lanie.

Lanie, noticing her distress and took her hand away, placing it on the bed as she sat up slightly. "Kate it's only me, it's Lanie, I've brought you some coffee"

Kate looked at Lanie and then the drink, a sense of relief washed over her, within a few seconds she remembered where she was and who she was with, but also everything that she had been through. It was in those moments, when she would wake up and still have the traces of sleep in her eyes that she believed everything was OK. It was those moments that she cherished, where she could imagine she was back in her dorm room, or back at home with her parents, waking up to the smell of bacon that her dad was cooking or even her mom yelling at her because she was late for something. Every morning since they had taken her she had longed for one morning of her mom yelling at her to get out of bed.

Kate shuffled up the bed, keeping herself covered with the bedding whilst Lanie moved to perch on the side of the bed. Lanie noticed her sleep shirt on the floor and picked it up for her, cautiously passing it to Kate. It took a moment for Kate to take it from her hands, questioning the intention behind the action, another thing she had become used to doing.

"Thank you" Kate whispered and quickly pulled the shirt over her head. Lanie smiled and passed her the coffee, noticing how she relaxed into the welcoming smell it offered before bringing it to her lips.

"How did you sleep?" Lanie asked tentatively.

"OK" Kate offered but she couldn't meet Lanie's eyes, despite the fact Lanie was one of the only people she trusted right now, she wasn't prepared to explain how she was feeling because she didn't even know if she could cope with it herself at the moment.

Lanie cocked an eyebrow at her and remained silent. Kate sensed the tension between them and knew Lanie didn't believe her. She hated lying. Throughout her teens she had done a lot of lying to her parents, but once she had been accepted into college all that had changed. She had focused on her studies and made sure to ring her parents every week to keep them up to date with how she was doing. She glanced up at Lanie, the pitiful look in her eyes bore into her own, she knew she shouldn't lie, it would do her no good.

"It was nice to sleep freely" Kate sighed remembering the long nights were she would sleep in uncomfortable positions and wake up to no feeling in her arms. "But I couldn't keep my eyes off the door. I kept expecting him to come in"

"Who Castle?" Lanie questioned in disbelief.

The tone in Lanie's voice scared her slightly, she knew that Lanie and Castle were friends and she didn't want to be seen as trying to play them off against each other. But the truth was she was scared. For so long now she had been scared of other people and being in the apartment alone with Castle had, to some extent, scared her. Although she knew he was a detective, and someone who she should trust she was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that she could trust another person, and know that they wouldn't change in a split second because of events that were out of her control.

"No. maybe. I don't know." She sighed, questioning how she would be able to give a full statement if she could barely answer a simple question.

"I couldn't believe I was actually here, I kept thinking that if I closed my eyes I would be back there. I don't remember going to sleep, I think I must have passed out with exhaustion, it's sometimes better that way, and there are less nightmares that way"

Kate took another sip of her coffee trying to steady herself as the thick, warm liquid soothed her throat.

"What do you mean sleep freely Kate?" Lanie asked, trying to get some more information out of Kate, whilst she seemed relaxed.

"I could chose when and how I wanted to sleep, I can't remember the last time that happened"

Kate's voice got quieter as she spoke and Lanie could see she was beginning to close in on herself so she quickly changed the direction of the conversation, hoping to keep Kate talking a bit longer as this was the most she had managed to get out of her so far.

"You're doing well Kate. Can you let me look at these bandages? They will need changing and I would like to have a look at your back to see how that's healing"

Kate nodded and put the coffee mug down, she shifted from under the covers and sat on top of them as Lanie pulled on some surgical gloves.

"Ok, let's start with your wrists" Lanie began.

Once again, at the mention of her wrists Kate shuddered. There was something about them and the way that both Caste and Lanie had mentioned them, which made her feel uncomfortable. She wanted to say no and lash out. She wanted to scream at them and tell them to leave her alone, that they couldn't control her now she was free. Free. It was the first time she had really understood the concept of that word. She was free, for the first time in nine long months she was free. Deep down she knew Lanie simply wanted to help her, yesterday at the hospital had proven just that, so she slowly held her wrists for Lanie to examine.

Lanie began unwrapping the bandages, revealing the old scars and fresh cuts and bruises that surrounded her thin wrists. The ligature marks were strong and prominent and Kate realized just how badly they looked in the daylight when they weren't covered.

Lanie pressed down gently and saw Kate react slightly in pain, but to her credit she managed to keep her hands where they were.

"Kate can you tell me what caused these scars?" Lanie asked.

"Handcuffs." She said softly, her voice nowhere near as strong as it used to be. "It was my own fault he warned me not to pull on them"

Kate looked down to her lap again, she had grown used to the scars and they didn't bother her too much, but explaining them was proving a little more difficult.

"Kate, this is not your fault, you need to stop thinking like that. I have some ointments that will soothe the scars, they might not go completely but they should help a little. Was it only handcuffs that were used?"

Kate shook her head, "At first it was duct tape. The handcuffs came later after I…" she paused, a familiar lump forming in her throat, the memories still too raw to verbalize. "The handcuffs came later" she said, trying to end the conversation there.

"How long were you restrained for?" Lanie asked, keeping her professionalism. Although she was trying to get information for Castle, she was also trying to assess Kate's current medical state.

Kate remained silent, her eyes darting back and forth as she tried to compose herself.

"Kate I need to know because there may be some circulation issues or nerve or tissue damage. Prolonged exposure to any kind of restraint may leave some permanent damage and we may need to take an X-RAY of your wrists to check for any stress fractures" Lanie continued, noticing how hard this was for Kate.

"Most of the time. The only time he would untie me was if I needed the bathroom. After a few months they finally let me out of the bedroom and let me sit in the living room, which was when he used the handcuffs."

"So all the time you were there, you were restrained?" Lanie asked, trying to hide the shock from her voice.

Kate nodded again, she couldn't bring herself to say anything.

There was a silence in the room, Lanie could tell some of the scars were old and she guessed that Kate had probably tried her best to accept them as best she could. She didn't want to dwell on the matter, not if Castle planned on taking a full statement from her within the next 24 hours. Instead Lanie continued to wrap fresh bandages around her wrists and then asked Kate to flex her fingers and then make a fist to see what her finger movements were like. Kate could move them quite well all things considered however there was a little stiffness but that was to be expected.

"There all done" Lanie remarked with a smile, trying to sound as positive as she could be. "Now I'd like to have a look at the marks on your back and stomach"

Lanie watched at Kate physically froze, her mouth was open as if she wanted to protest but she couldn't find her voice, her brain was telling her to protect herself and not show that she was vulnerable but another part of her was telling her that nothing was going to happen to her, she reminded herself of the last time Lanie treated her back and she felt so good afterwards. Before Kate could rationalize her thoughts, Lanie carried on speaking.

"Kate, I know this is hard for you, but we need to make sure they are OK and healing well. We can go slowly, and if you want me to stop I will do, I'm not here to make you feel uncomfortable"

Lanie smiled at Kate who managed to hold her gaze. Lanie had a compassionate face, with large brown eyes and a welcoming smile, Kate felt she could trust her. After only having limited contact for so long, it was nice to have someone to talk to.

"Thank you Lanie, let's just get this over with" Kate replied forcing a smile through her lips.

"OK well if we start with your stomach and then you can sit up and we can check your back and change the dressings"

Kate nodded, she could do this. She knew it would take time but as long as she wasn't in that house anymore she knew she stood a chance of gaining some kind of normality back. She complied as Lanie asked her to lie flat on her back and pull her shirt up exposing her ribs. She watched Lanie closely as she gently pressed each rib waiting to see if there was any pain, there was a little discomfort but nothing compare to what she was used to.

Lanie traced the bruising patterns with her fingers, memorizing the shape for future reference and writing it down on her notepad.

"Kate this bruising looks fresh, do you remember when this happened?"

"Yesterday. Before I…" she couldn't, her throat felt as though it was closing up on her. She couldn't, not yet. It still didn't feel real to her.

Lanie nodded, understanding that Kate was struggling to continue, she had the basic information and that would do for now. Once she was satisfied that there was no cause for concern and that her ribs should heal with time and rest, she asked Kate to sit up so she could check her back, knowing that it was probably the worst part of her body.

It was the same process as yesterday at the hospital so Kate just tried to relax and enjoy the feeling of the cooling gel being applied. She realized why Lanie had covered the marks, as in the night she had tossed and turned as she tried to avoid putting too much weight on her back, as her skin scratched and pulled, trying to heal itself. It felt odd having someone care for her, someone who genuinely wanted her to be healthy again.

Her mind began to wander back to the house. Remembering one week where she had a cold, her throat was dry, she was coughing all night and her nose was blocked. She recalled one night where she was, once again cuffed to the bed, her arms stretched above her and her feet wrapped in duct tape. It was one of the first weeks she was there and so far her captors hadn't made much of an effort with her. She had been coughing all night and sleep was far from near. She had no idea what time it was when one of her captors; the older one who seemed to be the brains behind the operation, came barging into the room saying he couldn't sleep because of the noise. Kate remembered begging him for water, just a glass or something that would help her, her captor had refused and instead had slapped duct tape across her mouth in order to keep her quiet before plunging her into darkness and leaving her again. Kate remembered feeling like that was the worst night of her life, she was certain she would choke, certain she would die. The night had been inundated with a sense of defeat and dread but eventually exhaustion took over and she passed out. Finally when morning arrived she was woken by her other captor, whom she presumed was the younger of the two and the one who took the orders rather than gave them. She remembered him giving her some water and then some medication, she remembered trying to fight him, not knowing what drug he was giving her, it turned out to be a soother, he had even took one himself to prove to her that it wasn't harmful. He had returned every few hours to give her some medication and after a few days she was beginning to feel better. He hadn't needed to help her, and his actions had surprised her, but she knew he was probably just taking orders from the other man. She had used that to her advantage at a later date, playing on his weak spots in order to keep herself alive.

"Everything OK Kate? You went a little quiet there" Lanie asked, drawing Kate from her memory and back to reality.

"Yeah, I just, I was just thinking that's all" Kate replied quietly.

"OK well I think we are all done, I'll leave some more creams with you, you need to put them on in the morning and at night after you've showered. Use the antibiotic gel first and then the thicker cream to heal some of the cuts. I'll also leave you with some ointment that may help improve the appearance of the scars if you want to try that and a moisturizer. It might be worth getting Rick to help you put the cream on your back. I don't want you trying to twist too much of put any extra strain on your ribs. And make sure they are covered, especially when you are sleeping, they may take a while to heal and I don't want you catching them or them getting infected"

Kate nodded, trying to take in everything Lanie had just told her. However she knew she would never ask Rick to help her, she wasn't going to put herself in that position. She had been on her way to becoming a strong independent young woman before this took over her life, and she was determined to gain some of that back.

Removing her gloves and placing the creams on the bedside table, Lanie perched herself on the bed and handed the coffee back to Kate.

"Castle wants to take a statement from you today, do you think you would be up for that?"

Kate admired her honesty, she could tell Lanie wasn't one for hiding what she was thinking and she appreciated that. To have someone tell her the complete truth, and keep her in the loop was something she felt extremely grateful for. She knew she wasn't ready to give a full statement but felt like she didn't have much of a choice. There was never going to be a right time, so she merely nodded her head mutely.

Lanie nodded back, then stood up from the bed and made her way over to the dresser, hoping to find something that would fit Kate's tiny frame.

"What do you fancy wearing today, probably something loose would be good, we don't want it rubbing against your skin?"

Kate was dumbstruck, she had spent the nine months living in pretty much the same clothes, only receiving fresh ones when the old ones became too worn. However the new clothes she was given we're always cheap things that never fit her properly and never kept her warm through the cold nights. The house had always been freezing, her only comfort was a small, thin blanket that barely covered her and would rarely be a decent source of warmth and without the use of socks her feet felt constantly cold. Kate recalled the long nights where she would lie freezing on the bed, longing for a duvet or an over sized jumper. Last night she had made sure to bury herself in the duvet, she didn't care that she was warm, or that it irritated her skin slightly, she was comfy and that was all that mattered.

She noticed Lanie picking out some soft leggings and what looked like an over sized T-shirt, possibly Castles she thought. Kate smiled and told Lanie they would be perfect. Lanie left Kate alone whilst she got dressed, making her way back downstairs to wait for Kate there.

Kate quickly changed and instantly felt better, she ran a brush through her hair and pulled it into a loose pony tail. She knew her hair needed cutting it was too long for her liking and the ends were in desperate need of chopping off. She moved to the bathroom and washed her face, she hated the small bruises that surrounded her eye brow. and the cut that was there, but she figured they would heal with time. She cleaned her teeth and after one final glance in the mirror she felt ready to face Castle.

Lanie had made her way downstairs and spotted Castle standing in the doorway of his office on the phone, he seemed to be ending the call so Lanie took a sip of her coffee and waited. Rick ended the call a few moments later and turned towards Lanie with a serious and concerned look on his face.

"Castle?" Lanie asked, sensing something was deeply wrong.

"That was Ryan, they managed to track down Kate's father"

"That's good isn't it?"

"Yes. He's not in a good way through. They sent uniforms to pick him up, and he was drunk, he kept saying that his daughter was dead and they were lying. He refused to come with them. They spoke to a neighbor and said that he only leaves the house to go to the liquor store, he spends his days in the house drinking, has done ever since the dead of his wife."

"What do you mean?"

"Apparently on January 9th Johanna Beckett was murdered, the killer hasn't been found. That, and the disappearance of his daughter tipped him over the edge. Neighbors say he took Kate's disappearance hard and then with the dead of his wife, he turned to drink."

"Oh my god" Lanie exclaimed, "Does Kate know any of this?"

"I don't think so. Ryan only found that out just now. Jim Beckett's been living off the radar for months. Kate was reported missing on November 15th, the detective in charge of her case said it looked as if she had left voluntarily, apparently she had been a handful as a teenager. Although her parents reported her missing it seemed the detective in charge of it had to scale down the investigate after two weeks because of a lack of leads. If what Kate is telling us is true, I doubt her captors will have told her."

"What happened to her mother?"

"Stabbed in an alley. The killer was never caught so it was attributed to gang violence. Wrong place, wrong time situation."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know Lanie. She deserves to know but I don't know if she can handle it right now. I need a statement from her, but I fear if she knows this she will just clam up"

"Has she asked about her parents yet?" Lanie questioned.

"No, like I said last night I think she was still in shock with everything that happened, I doubt her mind has had chance to process everything yet"

"You need to tell her Castle. She has a right to know."

"I know. This whole thing would be a lot easier if we found out what really happened."

"It would, but then when have you ever wanted a case that was easy?"

At that moment they heard Kate making her way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"I'll leave you two to talk. I'll let you know if I find anything else out" Lanie said quietly to Castle before picking up her bag ready to leave. "I'm going now Kate, but if you need anything just call me OK?" she said to Kate who was now standing at the bottom of the stairs.

Kate nodded and smiled at Lanie as she left the loft.

Kate took a moment to take in her surroundings. The loft was big, certainly bigger than any apartment she had ever seen before. The floor was well polished, with large furniture throughout, a grand piano stood in the corner of the living room and a wall of books covered the entrance into what she presumed was his office or bedroom. Looking back towards the kitchen she noticed Castle staring at her. Unaware of how long she herself had been stood looking around his apartment she made her way down the last few steps towards the kitchen.

"Morning Kate, please sit down" Castle offered, pointing to one of the breakfast bar stools. "What would you like for breakfast, we've got toast, or cereal or I can cook something, bacon and eggs or even pancakes" he was waffling, something he did when he didn't feel as though he controlled the situation.

Kate moved slowly and sat herself in one of the chairs. He noticed she was still tense in her movements, as if she was still on high alert and ready to defend herself at any moment she felt she needed to. He was still waiting for her to answer when his phone rang on the counter, he was sure he saw Kate jump at the sudden noise but he didn't question it, he knew he would probably find out why soon enough.

"Castle" he answered.

"Yes Sir" he replied into the phone, not thinking about the way he addressed the captain. "Today if possible, I was going to see about bringing her in later this afternoon, when it will be quieter."

Kate's heart began to race. She could feel it beating out of her chest, she knew he was talking about her and he was talking to a 'sir' about bringing her in when it was quiet. Her mind wasn't thinking rationally, all her thought immediately jumped to horrifying conclusions. She watched as Castle moved from behind the breakfast bar and towards the living room. His large frame and the furniture in the room making Kate feel trapped with nowhere to run.

"Not, nothing yet Sir, but Detectives Ryan and Esposito have found information regarding her family and evidence from the crime scene. Once CSU and Doctor Parish have given me their full reports we should be able to work out what happened."

He was pacing and it made her nervous. She vaguely remembered a Detective Esposito talking to her through the bathroom door, but he had wanted her to come out and she remembered him saying something about 'hiding' or 'breaking down the door', she couldn't remember his exact words but she knew she wasn't leaving the bathroom with him standing outside.

"Yes Sir. Goodbye"

Castle put the phone down and returned to the kitchen. He was met with Kate who was now standing up and staring at him, with wide frightful eyes. It was then it dawned on him. How he addressed the captain was exactly the same as how she had addressed her captors. He hoped she couldn't possibly think he was talking to her captors, but then again with everything she was going through it wouldn't surprise him.

"That was the captain at the precinct, she just wanted updating on the case" he explained, but Kate didn't relax. "I'm sorry Kate, I should have thought. I know that this is difficult for you. Look why don't I make you some breakfast and then we can have a talk about going to the precinct to take a statement. You might feel better once that is out of the way?" he offered, wishing it was true, but the reality was that even after she gave her statement, this wouldn't be over with until Owen Landers murdered was put behind bars, even then he doubted she would be able to put this all behind her.

"OK" Kate said softly, reserving herself from any further conversation on the matter.

Breakfast was spent with each of them on tenterhooks. Castle tried to make conversation but was only met with short answers. She nibbled away at the toast, her appetite still hadn't fully returned. He offered her orange juice but she declined, opting instead for apple juice, something that didn't hold any significance to her. After breakfast Castle cleared the plates away and began washing up. He expected Kate to go to the living room, or maybe to explore her new surroundings more, or maybe even retreat back up to her room. However she didn't, instead she stayed sitting at the breakfast bar, watching him closely.

Kate wasn't used to this amount of freedom and she didn't know how to respond to it. The knowledge that she could move around on her own accord suddenly felt more like a threat than her right. It had been a long time since she had been able to do something without anyone questioning her motives. She watched Castle cleaning up, never taking her eyes off him, another thing she had become accustomed to do. She had trained herself to be on alert at all times, to never let anyone in and even when she was asked something, she knew to never reveal too much.

It wasn't long before Castle's phone was ringing again, another phone call about her that she couldn't hear. In a way it annoyed her that there were so many people looking into her life, all her privacy had been taken away and she was left with a feeling of uncertainty. It frustrated her that she couldn't hear what was being said on the other end of the line, she wanted to know what was being said about her, she felt as though she deserved that at least. With Castle out of sight she trailed her eyes around the loft before they landed on an image on the piano. With careful steps she moved over to it, her bare feet silent against the wooden floors. Looking closer she noticed it was a picture of him whom she presumed was his mother at what looked like a performance of some kind. They both looked so happy. She gently traced her finger around the frame, thinking back to how she had a similar picture on her bedside table at her room at home. It was an image of her and her mom from when she had taken her ice skating for the first time. She had been six years old and had fallen numerous time, but her mother had always been there to pick her up again. That was how her family had always been, they had always been there for each other, to pick them up when they were falling down. Or at least that was what she thought.

"That's my mother"

Kate jumped at his voice and quickly moved her hand away before flashing her eyes to meet his.

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you" he said raising his hands as if showing her he was of no threat to her, an action that sicken him to think he had to do in order to make her feel safe. "That was at her debut performance on an off Broadway show, it was the making of her and we both loved that picture"

"My mom and I used to love going to watch Broadway shows." Kate admitted, the words slipping out of her mouth so casually, something she had missed for a long time. Kate smiled to herself at the memory, as her eyes traveled back to the photo. Every few months, her and her mother would head over to Time Square and pick up some last minute tickets and spend the night enjoying the sights of Broadways before heading out for a late dinner. She longed for nights like that again, just time with her mother was all she had wanted for a long time.

"Have you found them yet?" Kate asked, tearing her eyes away from the photo and up to Castle's. "My mom and dad" she clarified.

"Come and sit down" he sighed. He noticed she was hesitant, the wording of his suggestion too much like a command for her to handle. "Please?" he added, hoping to lighten the tone and assure her that it was simply a suggestion in good faith.

It worked because they both made their way over to the couch, Kate once again opting to sit in the corner and him on the opposite side. He could tell she was desperate for answers, it showed in her eyes, it was the first time since he had met her than he actually saw a glimpse of what she was like when she wasn't afraid.

"Kate, we've spoken to your father. He's living in a bedsit in Brooklyn, however, at the moment he is"…, drunk, delusional, distraught and claiming that his daughter is dead, there was no word he could find to sum up how her father reacted to her discovery. "Confused." He settled with, "Officers went to pick him up earlier on today. He is very confused by everything and claimed that you were deceased. Obviously this is very traumatic for him so officers are going to talk to him again in a few hours after everything has sunk in for him, a neighbor is staying with him for now.

Kate nodded but Castle could tell she had stopped listening to his explanation. "And my mom? Is she confused as well?" she felt like a small child asking questions in such an innocent way.

"Kate, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your mother passed away on January 9th this year. She was murdered. It is believed to be gang related. I'm very sorry for your loss" he hated that part of the job, but he knew there was no easy way to tell someone that, no way to sugar coat it and tell her everything would be ok. "Would you like me to give you a minute?" he asked.

Kate couldn't move, she couldn't take all this in. Her mother was gone and her father thought she was dead. She recounted the times her captors had told her that this had nothing to do with her, that she was simply a pawn in someone else's game, a warning to someone who was getting to close, but she never knew who that person was. She questioned if it was her family, but she knew they would save her, she knew they would never abandon her. So many questions raced through her head that she couldn't keep up with them. Her body shook as she tried to ground herself, she tried to focus on the sting in her palm from where she was pressing her nails into it, creating crescent moon shapes in their wake.

She didn't notice Castle leaving and then returning, pushing a glass of water into her one relaxed hand as he helped her slowly bring it to her lips. The movement jolted her back to reality as she realized what he was doing, the action all to similar, too close to how her captors had treated her when she couldn't fight back. She pushed his hand away, as water sloshed out of the glass and onto the floor. Castle only just managed to keep hold of the glass, the force behind her movement had shocked him as her strength began to show through. He didn't say anything to her, he knew she would realize eventually that he was only trying to help her and slowly she did, coming back to him with guilt in her eyes as she graciously took the glass from him and drank the remaining water.

"Who were you on the phone to?" she asked. She couldn't handle all this right now, so instead she did what she did best; bottled it up until she was ready to deal with it.

"Kate we don't need to…" but the look in her eyes told him that he shouldn't finish that sentence. "It was Detective Ryan. More evidence has come to light and apparently the captain wants a statement from you ASAP."

"Will it be you who takes my statement?" Kate whispered.

"Yes, me and possibly another colleague, unless you would feel more comfortable talking to someone else, I can also have a lawyer meet us at the station"

"Why would I need a lawyer?"

"Because some of the questions I have to ask, relate not just to your case, but also the murder of Owen Landers." He paused at the confusion on her face, "the man who was in the house. He owned the building with his brother Jonathan Landers. Do you recognize any of these name?"

"Owen. He was the one who -" she took a breath to compose herself. "The one who told me." she exhaled, feeling annoyed with herself at her lack of composure. "I know him. I recognize his name" she concluded, unable to explain how she knew him just yet, and the role he had played in all of this.

Castle nodded, understanding that maybe now wasn't the best time to go into too much detail. "We need to get a clear picture of the events that happened on the day of his murder. I thought you may feel more comfortable speaking to a lawyer first and then speaking to me and my colleagues."

"Am I a suspect?" she questioned, her voice low and filled with disbelief.

Castle swallowed, trying to think of a way to tell her she was without upsetting her.

"Am I a suspect?" she repeated, stronger now than before.

"I don't know Kate. My captain wants me to take a statement from you and during that I need to ask about Mr Lander's murder. It is standard procedure in a case like this"

Her breathing became rapid. The air around her felt heavy as she tried to take a deep breath to calm herself. She felt sick, her stomach churning as she processed everything he had just said. He didn't believe her, she should have known as much. Her captors had told her this would happen and although she didn't want to believe them, it was looking to her as if they were correct.

Kate ran upstairs, her feet pounding at the cold floor as she ran as fast as she could manage. She made it to the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She couldn't believe he had lied to her, he thought she was responsible for this, that she had murdered her captor. She wished she had, at least that way maybe she would have been free sooner. Moving to the sink she swirled some water around her mouth before spitting it back out again and looking at her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't deal with this, she felt broken. Her family was gone, she had lost a huge portion of her life and now she was being blamed for a murder.

"Kate?" his voice was there, outside the bathroom. All she wanted was some privacy to get her thoughts straight.

"Kate are you ok?" his voice was there again, laced with concern that she couldn't ignore. "Kate I'm going to come in" he told her as he nudged the door open, in her haste she hadn't locked it.

Inside he found her standing in front of the mirror, her expression that of anger and despair. He knew she wasn't a part of this, he knew deep down she was a victim. He wanted to comfort her, place his hand on her shoulder and tell her everything would be OK, but he couldn't gauge what her reaction would be, if she would lash out or close in even more. He was usually better at reading people and knowing how to handle them, but there was something about Kate Beckett that made him question everything he thought he knew.

She turned towards him. The bruises on her face more prominent in the harsh bathroom lighting and the traces of tears on her cheeks more visible. In that moment it hit him just how much she had been through at such a young age. If the missing persons report was correct she had been missing for nine long months. Nine months she had spent wondering if that day would be her last, her mother was gone, her father was an alcoholic and now he was accusing her of murder.

"I'm sorry Kate. I never meant to upset you" He shifted forward slightly but stopped when she spun around and backed herself as far as she could into the bathroom counter.

"Is there anything I can do?" he offered, but she shook her head.

He was at a loss, feeling as though he needed to tip toe around her just in case he pushed her too far away. He nodded once before leaving the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him. He leaned back on the nearest wall, bumping his head on the wall and closing his eyes. He wondered if it had been a bad idea bringing her here, whether he should have put her in a hostel, or should have handed her case over to someone else, or even taken the case in the first place.

He didn't have long to ponder his predicament before a familiar sound from his pocket rang out and the precinct was calling him again. Swiping his thumb over the answer button, he answered the call in his usual way. His voice rough, the traces of exhaustion seeping in. This case had only just begun and already it was proving to be more than he ever bargained for.

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**Once again thank you to everyone who has read, followed, reviewed and added this story to their favorites. I hope you stick with it and enjoy the journey Castle and Beckett are on!**

**P.s,**

**Sorry this chapter is so long, originally it had been two separate chapters but then I added a bit and it seemed to flow better as one.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything and this is still just a hobby.**

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It was too loud. That was her first thought as they walked through the floor of the 12th precinct. There was too much going on, too many unknown people, too many rooms and too many weapons. She didn't feel safe here, and she pulled her arms across her waist and up towards her neck, a sign she knew gave away that she was nervous, but she couldn't stop it. Dressed in one of Castle's smallest hoodies she stood at the entrance to the bull pen, watching the other officers pass her, some would take a quick glance at her, others would walk straight past, some would smile but she knew they were smiles of sympathy rather than welcome. She watched carefully as Castle went to speak briefly to the captain before returning to her and guiding her into a small room away from the main floor of the department.

The room had a gentler feel to it, with large fabric chairs and a coffee table in the middle it felt more like a waiting room than an interview suite.

"Please take a seat Kate" Castle invited, as they entered the soft interview room, he didn't want to use the interrogation room, it was very intense in there and he presumed Kate would be more open and confident in a softer environment.

Kate sat down on one of the chairs, although she had grown used to Castle being around she was still finding it hard to be in a place that was buzzing with people, especially people who carried guns and were trained in hand combat. Castle sat down opposite her, there was a small voice recorder on the table that was beaming a red light signally it was recording. Castle knew some of what she had been through but he needed a full statement on record and he knew it would be a pretty long one. He noticed that Kate was tense, she had been ever since he had told her he needed a statement sooner rather than later if they were going to find the killer. His hoodie buried her, but it was the only piece of clothing he could find that she said she felt comfortable in. He had asked Lanie to get some clothes for her and she was bringing them over later that evening, but until then she was stuck with a pair of his mother's leggings and his hoodie. Although his mother had clothes she could borrow, hardly any were appropriate and very few would fit her tiny frame without falling off.

"Kate can I get you something to drink?" he offered, thinking that if he kept this as normal as possible it may calm her slightly.

"No thank you I'm fine" Kate replied, shaking her head as if to confirm her answer.

Castle nodded, understanding that she probably wanted this to be over with as quickly as possible.

"Ok, well we will get started them. In a moment I'm going to ask you to state you name, and then we will proceed. I'm going to record this interview just for future reference, are you sure you don't want a lawyer present?"

Kate shook her head. She had told him back at his apartment that she didn't need a lawyer, and the less people that knew about this the better. After that she had asked that only Castle be present if it was possible and although it wasn't standard procedure he could tell she was still scared to be around people she didn't know.

Castle cleared his throat and spoke into the microphone on the table. "Detective Richard Castle. Badge number 41347 interviewing Katherine Houghton Beckett at 13:42 on July 12, 1999. Present are myself and"

"Katherine" she swallowed, her throat suddenly dry and now she wished she had taken up the offer of a drink. "Katherine Houghton Beckett"

"Last night you were discovered at East 7th Street, can you tell me how long you had been there?"

"Nine months" she answered stoically.

"Do you remember the date you entered the house?"

"21st October 1998" her answers were quick, simply stating the facts and nothing more.

"Can you describe what happened on that day?"

Kate took a deep breath, she could describe the events, but she didn't want to.

"I had come home for a week, we had a study week so I decided to come home and catch up with my parents and friends. I had been out for coffee with my parents and then I was going to meet some friends. It was a nice day so I took a shortcut. A man came up to me saying he was lost and could I direct him to the nearest subway."

She paused. She had played the next few moments over and over again in her mind as if she could change what had happened. She plagued herself with _'what if's'_ and _'maybe if I had_' but in the end it was futile, replaying the events wasn't going to change what happened as much as she wished it could. She had spent weeks focusing on the past instead of focusing on concurring her situation. Weeks spent blaming herself for what had happened and wishing that she had done things differently, in the end that had been part of her downfall, a weakness she had shown to her captors which they played on as much as they could.

"As soon as I turned away from him he grabbed me" Kate whispered as the memory rose to the surface once more. "He pulled me into a van and the next thing I knew everything had gone black. He must have drugged me because when I woke up I was in that house. In that bedroom. Tied to the bed" she couldn't look at him, she could tear her eyes away from the microphone on the table. She felt hypnotized by the rhythmic flashing of the recording light, she hated that it was being recorded, a file that would remain a constant reminder of a time in her life she would rather forget.

"Did you see the face of the man who kidnapped you?"

Kate nodded. "Only briefly and I couldn't remember much about his features. But I remember his voice. When I woke up I was blindfolded, but there were two men there, I recognized the man that took me from his voice. I didn't know the other man."

"Do you think you could identify either of these men?"

"Yes. They wore ski masks most of the time, but one day I" she stopped, her voice lodged in her throat once more.

"Kate, do you need a minute?" Castle asked, knowing this was hard for her.

But Kate shook her head, even though what she had done on that fateful night had probably left her scarred for life, it was the one time that she felt in control, that she had scuppered their plans and finally shown them she wasn't afraid any more.

"After a few months they told me that if I promised to behave myself they would untie me and bring me some books to read. I think a part of them had got bored, I got the impression that they were middle men, doing a job for someone else. The more I got to know them the less intelligent they seemed, probably why they only even cooked me soup." she offered, a weak attempt to lighten the mood but it didn't work, Castle face was as serious as it had been ever since they started the interview. "I was still watched and it was only in that bedroom but it gave my wrists the opportunity to heal, after being tied down for so long, it was a relief to have something to do. I started to gain their trust a bit more and eventually they let me out of the bedroom." she continued, as the atmosphere in the room returned to its tense state.

She watched Castle intently, she could tell her story intrigued him, his body language gave him away. It was easy to tell that he had once tried to be a writer, he needed to know the story, the way he sat forward in the chair, notepad clasped in his fingers as his right hand wrote away as his eyes remained locked on hers. At first he hadn't shown much emotion as she knew he was trying to remain professional.

"That trust didn't last long." And in that single sentence she noticed his body froze, his pen hand stopped, the tip barley touching the notepad which he now held in a more relaxed way.

"I was sitting by the window in the living room one day, it had been raining and there was condensation on the window, I remember writing my name in it, like I did when I was a child in the back seat of my dad's car." Kate wiped a tear from her eye, she hadn't wanted to cry, she had told herself she wouldn't, but she couldn't help it as she remembered the sweet yet painful memory. "They saw and they thought I had tried to write a message to someone outside. They dragged me back into the bedroom, I knew what they were going to do, and I knew they would never trust me again. It was a natural reaction, I didn't even think of the consequences. I pulled his ski mask off and saw his face."

"Whose face did you see?"

"Not the man who you found dead. It was the other man, he one who seemed the superior of the two. He was furious." Her voice began to trial off, she couldn't talk about what happened, it was too soon, the physical scars hadn't healed never mind the emotional ones. She looked into Castle eyes, silently pleading with him to tell her she didn't have to explain and that they didn't need to know every single detail.

"Was this the man?" Castle asked, holding up Jonathan Landers rap sheet photo for her to see.

Kate swallowed and nodded her head before quickly averting her eyes as Castle hid the photo in the document holder.

"Thank you Kate. So just to be clear the man you have just identified in the photograph; Mr Jonathan Landers, he was one of the men who held you captive"

"Yes" she whispered.

"OK Kate. Now I would like to move onto the events of yesterday, as I said we found you at East 7th Street and you were in the bathroom, can you tell me what led you to being there and who was in the house with you?"

She was getting tied, she had underestimated how draining this process would be and she knew she couldn't be able to talk for much longer, she needed this to be over as soon as possible. There was still so much she needed to do, like see her father, find out where he was and show him that she was alive and that they could be together again. That and find out about her mother's murder.

The look Castle was giving her told her that she had been quiet for a suspicious amount of time, she took another deep breath, a technique she found that seemed to calm her down slight before she spoke.

"I had been asleep for most of the day. Owen hadn't brought me any food or spoken to me. Their plan wasn't working and I think I had become a problem to them. Eventually he came in to check on me, I was so thirsty and in so much pain. I hadn't eaten since the morning before, but I felt sick. My back was burning with pain and my head was fuzzy. Eventually he told me I could use the bathroom. I was too weak to walk, I could barely stand and he didn't seem too pleased about carrying me. He threw me in the shower stall and turned it on. He left me to get some clothes I think."

She closed her eyes, an attempt to make the images clearer in her mind.

"Everything after that happened so fast. I heard a gunshot coming from the living room. They had shown me that they had a gun previously, but I figured that if they wanted me alive for ransom, or because they were holding me for someone, that they wouldn't use it. I managed to get myself out of the shower before the other man, Jonathan, came into the bathroom. He pulled me up by my hair and slammed my face into the mirror. He told me his brother was dead and that their deal was off, meaning they no longer had a use for me."

Once again the tears began to fall. It was at that point she thought her life was over, that after everything she had been through it was finally going to come to an end.

"I didn't want to die. I wanted to live." She explained quickly, the desperation in her voice evident, "So I threw myself backwards and we both fell to the floor, the gun skidded across the room, I grabbed it and fired, I thought I had killed him but I think I just grazed his shoulder. We heard a banging on the front door and Jonathan ran. I didn't go after him, as soon as he was out of the bathroom I locked the door."

Castle waited a moment to see if she was going to continue, but when he saw her avert her eyes and sink into the chair as if finally releasing the tension she had been holding, he knew they were done.

"Thank you Kate. I think that's all I need for now. I'm just going to step outside for a moment and talk with my captain. There is an officer standing by the door, if you need anything just let him know"

Kate looked towards the door, and just like Castle said there was a uniform officer standing by the door, he looked friendly enough but she wasn't going to ask for anything any time soon.

Castle left and made his way to Gate's office.

"How did it go?" Gates asked as Castle entered her office. She was seated at her desk, her calm exterior showing through as she maintained her professionalism.

"She gave a statement" Castle explained, "it was brief, she didn't explain much about her time in captivity, it appears her captors didn't discuss much of it with her. From their conversations she thought they were the middle men, that someone higher up had paid them to do this, but she doesn't know who or why."

"And this Jonathan Landers, what was his role in all of this?"

"She didn't recognize the name, apparently they didn't give her their real names, and instead she referred to them as sir. However she was able to identify him from his rap sheet photo. He was one of her captors and she described him as the leader of the two. She told me on the day we found her she had managed to shoot him in the shoulder, explaining the gunshot residue we found on her clothing. She claimed he left when they were disturbed and she waited in the bathroom until we arrived."

"So we have a man out there with a gunshot wound, who could possibly still be looking for Kate, if he was really a middle man in all of this then his boss may have got to him or he could be in hiding."

"Yes sir. I'll have Esposito and Ryan put an alert out to all hospitals and circulated his description, hopefully we will come up with something soon. Apparently he told her that she was no longer useful to them, however she may be a threat if he learns that she had been found."

"Then it's imperative that we find this man quickly. In the meantime, how is she holding up?"

"She's confused. She doesn't say much, and what she does say doesn't make much sense. Lanie managed to get her to open up this morning, but just then she closed off again, her statement about her own captivity is brief. I don't want to push her too hard, every time I do she closes herself off."

"How did she take the news about her parents?"

"I don't think she understood what's happened exactly. When I told her that her mother was dead she didn't cry or show any emotion that I thought she would, instead she closed herself off and asked to give her statement."

"Detective, how would you feel about having Miss Beckett stay with you, just until we find Jonathan Landers? I think it would be good for her own safety and it may also be a good opportunity to try and gain some more information from her. I also think scheduling a therapy session may be a good opportunity to gain some more information from her, it may also help her come to term with everything that has happened"

"Yes sir, I know of someone who might be able to help. I will give him a call later on today and see if he is available. As for her staying with me, I have the room and the capabilities to care for her, however I'm not sure how Kate would feel about that."

"Well it is either your apartment or a safe house. I presume you haven't managed to speak to her father yet?"

"No sir, last I heard uniforms were waiting to see if he would come to the station to meet her, he is still very confused and maybe it is best that she doesn't see him in that way for a while"

"Probably. I suggest you take her back now. Try and get her to talk to you and I will have Esposito or Ryan call you as soon as we find anything."

"Yes sir"

Castle left the office, closing the door behind him before quickly updating Ryan and Esposito. They still didn't have much to go on, but it was more than they had before and then now had a clearer picture of who killed Owen Landers and why there was gunshot residue on Kate. He had never believed she would have killed someone in cold blood, she wasn't a murdered he could see it in her eyes. For years he had stared into the eyes of murders and he always knew if they were guilty. The guilt swam in their eyes as they lied though their teeth in order to avoid prison. It never worked, their eyes always gave them away. But in Kate he found nothing but sadness and fear, he knew it would be a while for he got the compete story, before she trusted him enough to open up to all the hurt and pain she had suffered. But for now it was enough, and seeing her sat in the soft interview room, buried in his large hoodie as she mindlessly played with the bandages covering her bruised wrists, he knew he couldn't push her any more. Not here, and not today. Instead she deserved some peace, as he knew that soon her life would be turned upside down once again.

He guided her out of the precinct and into his car. He noticed how she was still nervous whenever they went outside into a crowd of people. However now, instead of shying away from him she seemed to gravitate slightly towards him, sticking close to his side as if to shield herself from her surroundings. She was silent throughout most of the drive. He didn't bring up her statement, it was best that it was left within the walls of the precinct for now. She glanced over at her as held her head down and continued to play with the wrappings on her wrists. He knew they would need changing when they got back, but he couldn't bring himself to ask her to stop, that it was for her own benefit that they were there and that she could take them off as soon as her wrists had healed more.

The traffic had increased since the morning and it wasn't long before they were waiting in a mile long queue waiting to take the turning towards his apartment. After ten more minutes of silence he couldn't stand it any longer and finally broke it.

"Captain Gate asked me to tell you, well actually to ask you, if you would be happy to stay with me at my apartment until this case is resolved? Well until we have Jonathan Landers in custody. You are very welcome to go to a safe house and I know one that is decent, but I just thought you might be more comfortable with me at my apartment. You can say no obviously, but I just thought you might like to." He was rambling and he couldn't stop himself, "I don't mean like to, I'm sure there is somewhere else you would rather be, but it is a secure building and I will look after you until you are better and…"

"Rick" Kate interrupted and Castle finally looked at her. "I'd like that"

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**Thank you to everyone who has read, followed, added this story to their favorites and reviewed. It still amazes and humbles me to think that people have spent time reviewing my story so a big thank you from me.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, life is pretty busy until 11th May but after that updates might become more regular.**

**Let me know your thoughts**

**H. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimed: I am not associated with Castle or ABC**

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Kate hadn't managed to work out which was worse, sleeping and having her nights plagued with nightmares, or not sleeping at all. Tonight it was the latter of the two. After spending the day recalling some of what she remembered it was still fresh in her mind, the images still too clear for her to be able to distract herself and slip to sleep.

The evening had passed quickly, she and Richard had had dinner together, neither of them mentioning the case and instead opting to make casual conversation about trivial matters that neither of them really cared for. After dinner she excused herself to the bathroom. It was there that she had once again seen the extent of her injuries. The raised, angry red lines on her back, which for some reason seemed to look worse today. The cut on her eyebrow was healing well and she prayed it wouldn't scar, she didn't have to look at the marks on her back, she didn't need to constantly remind herself of what they had done to her, but her face, that she saw every day. After her shower she had tried to put the creams and plasters on her back but there was no way she could twist her body to see what she was doing, and after a few fumbled attempts and pack of plasters wasted, she had given up. Lanie had told her to get Rick to help her clean and change the dressing, but she couldn't. Although she wanted to trust him she didn't want him to see her weakness, he was already treating her as if she was made out of china and would break at the slightest touch, and she didn't want him to see another weakness in her.

Glancing at the clock on her bedside table she realized it was 2:02am, she had been trying to sleep for the past four hours and nothing was working, she just couldn't switch her mind off. She had tried turning the pillow over to sleep on the cold side, but that reminded her too much of the cold nights she had spent trussed up in that cold bedroom, with nothing more than a thin blanket to keep her warm through one of the coldest winters New York had seen in years. She had tried to sleep on her side, or curled up into a ball, but her body protested, there was simply no comfortable position. Lying on her back was not an option, and twisting on her sides made her ribs scream in protest as the bruises made themselves know.

"For God's sake" she moaned to herself. There was some sick logic behind this. Yes she was free, and free to sleep however she wanted but that also meant that she had to decide which was the least painful, to make the best out of a bad situation. When she was tied up, the decision was always made for her.

Throwing back the covers she slowly maneuvered herself out of the bed, finally giving up on sleep and deciding that a hot drink might soothe her slightly. She pulled her night shirt over her head, she still couldn't sleep with it on, as it was far too painful without any bandages on. She then slipped into Castle's hoodie, she really needed a dressing gown or some other form of clothing. Lanie had phoned earlier to check on her and told her that tomorrow they would go into the city and buy her some new clothes. She had protested at first, claiming that she didn't know if she was allowed to leave the loft whilst the killer was still out there, but Lanie had compromised and said they would stay local and Castle would arrange an officer to come with them if need be. She had wanted to refuse but Lanie wasn't one to take no for an answer and she really did want some clothes of her own. But going out into the city scared her. She had barely made it to the break room of the precinct without breaking down, she had no idea how she would cope once she was out on the streets of New York.

She quietly made her way downstairs, although Richard had told her his mother wasn't in and that he didn't mind her moving around or waking him, she still didn't want to bother him. She was still finding this amount of freedom strange, as if it felt too good to be real and was going to be ripped away at any given moment.

Although it was the middle of the night the loft was bathed in a soft glow from the city. She still found it odd that there wasn't a solid wall to his bedroom, instead there was a bookcase, which did block out some of the view into his bedroom but she could still make out his sleeping form in the large bed. She made her way further into the kitchen, flipping on the small worktop light, flooding the kitchen with golden bright light so she could find her way around.

She wanted a coffee but knew that caffeine at 2am was not a good idea, that and the fact that she had no idea how to work Castle's fancy coffee machine. Looking around she found a box of herbal tea, not something she would usually go for but tonight it might be exactly what she needed. Kate filled the kettle and placed it on the hob.

As the kettle began to boil, Kate reached for a mug that was kept in a high cupboard. She reached in and hooked her index finger through the handle but all of a sudden a pulling pain in her side caused her to gasp and yell in pain, the mug tumbled from her fingers and shattered on the floor. She grabbed her side in pain, she knew there would be some discomfort from her ribs but she figured it had been getting better. She hunched over, trying to relieve some of the pressure, one hand gripping her side the other clinging onto the worktop to steady herself.

Before she had time to register what was happening the main light in the living room had been turned on and Castle was stood in the makeshift doorway of his bedroom.

"Kate?" he questioned, the panic and confusion in his voice clear even in his sleepy state.

She watched with wide eyes as he began to move towards her. Her eyes darted between his advancing form and the shattered mug on the floor.

"No...Please... "Kate begged, backing away from Castle as her breathing became more rapid."I didn't mean to... Please it was an accident...please don't hurt me... I'll replace it... I...I" Kate gasped between breathes as she bumped into the side of the counter, cornering herself. She could hear the kettle screaming at her, the sound piercing her ears and blocking out anything Castle was saying. Her breathing became labored, her eyes turned black, she couldn't breathe and before she knew what happened she had landed on the cold floor trying her best to catch her breath.

Castle was at her side within seconds, without thinking he grabbed her hands in one of his large hands, the other moved to her head cupping her face and forcing her to look at him.

"Kate look at me" he said forcefully. He could feel her pulse racing between his fingertips. Her watery eyes locked onto his, wide and filled with terror.

"Please, I'm sorry, please not again" she pleaded over and over again. Kate was in the throes of a major panic attack, nothing was helping all she could do was beg him not to hurt her, she had no idea where she was, it was all too much.

"Kate looked at me" Castle repeated again more forcefully this time, shifting on his knees to balance himself. "You are with me, you're with Rick, in the loft. Everything is ok, no one is going to hurt you." He saw her register what he was saying but her body wouldn't relax.

"The loft?" she questioned softly, noticing the vibrations of his voice rather than the piercing noise of the kettle.

"Yes, you're in the loft. You need to calm down and breathe slowly. Breathe with me, when I squeeze your hand breathe in and then when I let go breathe out. Can you do that for me?" Castle spoke with urgency but also with a sense of calm and authority. Although he didn't want to scare her any more, he knew this would be the only way to calm her down.

Kate tried to focus on his hands she felt him squeeze and she took a breath in, it was quick and shallow and nowhere near as satisfying as what she needed. When she felt his hand relax she let her lungs do the same. They repeated this until Castle felt she had relaxed. He watched as she slowly began to realize where she was, he saw her eyes close as a tear escaped her eyes and slipped down her cheek.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" she repeated softly, her trembling body slumping forward as she collapsed against Castle's broad chest. He wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and made soothing sounds, rocking her back and forth like a small child.

This was the first time he had seen her break down. He knew it would happen one day, he just wished he knew what he could do to help her, they were still no further on with the case, and the longer it went on the less likely it was that they would solve it. He needed to solve the case soon for her sake, he wanted to give her a sense of security and normality again.

They sat there, on the cold wooden floor until Kate stopped crying. It was a long while before she made any indication that she wanted to move. He felt her slip a hand up to her face and wipe away the stray tears.

Castle pulled away slightly so he could look at Kate's eyes. Speaking softly, nothing like his commanding voice from earlier, "Kate you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm not mad and that wasn't your fault. Things get broken, it happens." He explained, "Are you ok?"

He felt Kate nod against his chest, she clung to him, something to ground her against the panic as well as something to bring her back to reality.

"Come on, let's sit on the couch" Castle coaxed, "this can't be comfy for you and I'm no spring chicken" he joked, trying to make light of the situation.

Kate nodded, a barely recognizable movement but her and Castle worked together until they we're in a standing position. Kate's eyes immediacy flew to the shattered mug and then to Castle again, he noticed and quickly gave her a smile saying, "I never liked that mug anyway"

Kate smiled and a small upset laugh bubbled from her lips. It was the first time she had laughed in what felt like years.

"Come on" he said, still holding her hand and guided her to the couch. She sat there nervously wiping away the last of the tears from her cheeks.

"So was it tea you wanted?" he asked.

Kate nodded, still not trusting her voice fully yet. Castle smiled back and went to make her a tea. Rick looked back over his shoulder, he knew that when someone was recovering from a panic attack it was best not to crowd them. Kate was sat frozen, he considered smashing another mug just to prove he wasn't bothered but he didn't really think it would help that much. He made two teas and brought them over, placing them on the coffee table and joining Kate on the couch.

"I really am sorry Rick, it was an accident I swear" Kate sighed.

"Kate please don't worry about it, it's a mug, I have lots more. I'm more concerned about you"

"I'm OK. I don't know what happened there, I think I had a panic attack, that's never happened before. I couldn't breathe and everything just seemed to merge into a blur, I didn't know where I was, I don't really remember falling to the floor. I'm sorry I hugged you, I'm not too sure what happened" Kate said, her voice coated with concern and confusion.

"Kate please don't worry about that. Panic attacks can happen to anyone, there is usually a trigger. How is your side? You we're clutching it before?"

"I don't know, I think its OK. I think I just pulled at some of the scars when I reached up, it just took me by surprise"

"And then your reaction to the cup?"

"I don't know. I guess it was just a reflex. In the house I was so scared to upset them, I figured it would be best to not do anything to put myself in danger. When I realized I had broken something of yours, I guess I thought you would be mad and whenever they were mad they would hurt me"

"Kate I would never hurt you. You are safe here, you are with people who care about you, and I promise I will never let anything happen to you again"

"Thank you Rick"

They both sat in silence for a moment. It wasn't awkward it was relaxing, calming, soothing and for the first time in a long time Kate felt truly loved and cared for.

"What made you come downstairs in the first place" Castle asked.

"I couldn't sleep. I thought some tea might help"

"Well drink up and then we will get you back to bed, I have some pain killers for you as well if you need them. You'll need all your strength to go out with Lanie tomorrow" He felt her tense up again and he knew something was wrong. "Kate? What did I say? You don't need to go to bed if you don't want to, it's entirely up to you"

"It's not that" Kate replied, shaking her head.

"Then what is it Kate?"

She took a shuddering breath, just the thought of going outside into the big city scared her. Travelling in the car wasn't too bad, she could distance herself from the bustle of the streets, but walking around the city filled with strangers, filled her with dread. In the loft she was safe, he had told her it was a secure building and she knew staying with Rick was the safest option. After spending nine months locked away with the same two people for company, the idea of making her way through hundreds of people, who would barge into her whilst going about their daily business with no regard to her circumstance frightened her.

"The city" she whispered, in an attempt to sum up how she was feeling.

"The city?"

"Going out into the city. I'm scared of going out into the city" she explained.

"Kate, when was the last time you went outside? Before we found you that is"

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, she knew exactly when it was. "The day I was taken" and with one short sentence time stood still.

She hadn't been outside since the day they had snatched her from that alley. She had pleaded with them to let her outside once the spring came. At that point they had begun to trust her slightly, she had become more of an acquaintance than a hostage. She had complied with their rules and earned their trust. However, long days of sitting in the same chair in the living room, watching the sun rise and set only made her more determined to go outside just to feel the sun's rays on her face and feel the cool breeze against her skin. One day she had summoned up the courage to ask them, it was a hot day and she could see her captor was desperate to take the ski mask off, normally that would mean her being locked away again, but today she was going to try a different tact. She asked him to let her sit on the back porch, there were no overlooking houses, but she could still pray that someone would notice her. Her request had been shot down like a lead balloon and she was quickly locked back in the bedroom.

"Did you ever ask them to let you outside?" Castle asked, although he already knew the answer.

Kate nodded. "Twice" she stated. "The first time he said no and took me back to my room. The second time… well the second time they made sure that I never asked again"

Castle could feel the bile rising up in his throat, but he needed to know, the alternative was unbearable.

"What did they do Kate?"

Of course he would want to know, she should have known that, her first instinct about him had been right. He always wanted to know more of the story.

"The first time he said no and left it at that. The second time he said he was stick of my asking. I said that I needed sunlight and fresh air, I said that I felt claustrophobic. He was furious, he told me that it was the same for him, that as long as I was inside so was he. It didn't stop him from tying me up and locking me in the bedroom for two days. Two days I was in there, I couldn't move, I could see, I couldn't speak. I thought they had left me there to die. When they eventually came back they told me never to ask them again. I never did. That's why whenever I think about going outside, I think of being trapped and vulnerable. I want to go out I really do, but I don't know if I can handle it."

She saw Castle take in everything she had just said. He exhaled slowly and met her gaze with an understanding look.

"Come with me" he requested, holding out his hand to her.

She looked at his quizzically but reached out to him none the less as he guided her from the couch and towards the door. He slipped on his shoes and motioned for her to do the same before guiding her out of the loft and towards the stairs. Kate didn't know where he was taking her as they ascended the stairs, or what plan he had in mind, she told herself she should be cautious but she couldn't, not whilst his arm was wrapped securely around her.

They made their way through a single door at the end of the corridor and it finally hit Kate where they were going.

The roof.

The cold night air hit her skin as they made their way further out onto the rooftop towards the barrier that surrounded the roof. It was the first time she had felt like she was truly outside in months, free to move without someone stopping her or ushering her into a building. Here she was free. She felt the night breeze rush past her as she took in the sights around her.

Kate couldn't believe her eyes, never had she seen New York look so beautiful. The sky was clear as the stars shined and the moon became a focal point over the city below. She could hear cars honking even at his hour, but she was so high up that she didn't care. She scanned her eyes over the city she loved, the Empire State building almost visible in the distance. She loved New York and growing up in Manhattan had been an adventure in itself, but she loved the city.

She closed her eyes, taking a moment for herself. She had longed for this moment, to be outside without feeling trapped, she could stay out there forever if she could.

"Thank you Rick. You have no idea what this means to be"

"I love coming up here, I like to come up here when I need a break from the city or from a case. It's a place I can come to and I know that everything else is still happening down there, but up here I don't need to worry about it." He explained.

"That's how I feel now. I can't believe how gorgeous the city looks at night"

"I know. You'd never imagine the mayhem that is going on below us when it is so peaceful up here"

"I could stay up here for hours, just watching the world go by"

Kate smiled at him, silently thanking him for this. To watch the world pass by at a distance was something she needed, she had got what she wanted, to be outside and free.

"I can't take back what those monsters did to you, but I hope to heal some of that pain. And if going out into the city is too much too soon, then we can tell Lanie and she will understand"

"I need to do it sometime though. I can't hide away forever."

"Kate I" he hesitated, knowing now probably wasn't the right time to bring up the subject, but realistically there probably never would be a good time, "Kate I spoke with a friend of mine earlier on, he is a therapist, he might be able to help you"

"A therapist?" she questioned.

"Yes, he's very good, he helped me a few years ago. I just think that after everything you have been through, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional. He knows what to do when you have panic attacks and he might help you come to terms with the trauma of what you've been through."

"I don't plan on having more panic attacks" Kate said, her defenses rising slightly.

"I know you don't, but just as a precaution"

"Do you think I need help?"

"I think you need to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about"

"You seem to know what you're talking about" she pointed out.

"Maybe. Like I said he helped me in the past. Just promise me you will think about it"

Kate could tell something had happened, something dark that had forced him into therapy, but unlike him she couldn't draw the story out of him. To others he may come across as closed off and professional but she was determined to find out more about him.

Therapy wasn't exactly what she wanted, but she knew she couldn't go on like this, the nightmares were bad enough, but she couldn't cope with those and panic attacks, she needed to get her life in order again.

"Deal" she agreed.

* * *

**Thank you for your continued support with this story, I was really humbled by the last reviews I got for this story, so a big thank you from me and I hope you continue to enjoy!**

**Let me know your thoughts,**

**H.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, or am I associated with it.**

* * *

"So come on Castle, where's our girl? We've got a busy day planned" Lanie asked, perching herself on one of the kitchen bar stools whilst Castle made her a coffee.

"She's just woke up" he told her, glancing back over his shoulder.

"What do you mean she's just woke up? I told her I would pick her up at ten"

"I know, I'm sorry" from the tone in Lanie's voice he knew he was in trouble "but Lanie she was up half the night and finally got to sleep around four, so I thought it best to let her sleep in for a while, she seems to get tired really easily, so I don't want her to overdo it"

"Why was she up until four? Is everything OK?"

"She couldn't sleep so she came down here, I heard her scream and found her doubled over in the kitchen. I tried to help her but she had a panic attack"

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"She broke a mug, an accident, but when I came in to see if she was OK, she started to panic, she didn't have a clue where she was or who I was. Eventually she calmed down and told me that she was scared that I would react badly to what she had done."

"I suppose after spending so much time living on the edge she will struggle to trust people"

"Then she explained that she is scared to go out into the city. Lanie they didn't let her outside in all the time they had her."

"I can't imagine living like that. Do you think today is a bad idea then, if she's not ready?"

"She says she still wants to go. But maybe just take it easy?"

"Course. What are you going to do?"

Castle took a gulp of his coffee, pushing the hot liquid down his throat in an attempt to awaken him even more, "I need to go to the precinct, see if Ryan or Espo have found anything else that can help us"

"OK, well you finish getting ready and I'll go and see if she is awake."

* * *

Pain coursed through her back dragging her into consciousness. She'd been dreaming again, the same dream that had plagued her nights for the past few months. It was always the same and it always ended the same, with her waking up in a hot sweat as she tried to lift her stinging back away from the covers. The nightmares had gotten worse over time to a point where she would fear sleep.

Slowly and with great caution Kate moved out from under the covers and reached down to grab her sleep top. She still couldn't sleep in a top, it pulled on her skin, and without any coverings on her back it only added to the uncomfortable feeling she faced each night. She knew she should cover the marks, the risk of infection on an open wound was high and she hadn't been able to apply the cream as toughly as someone else would be able to.

Turning slightly she looked over her shoulder at the marks, before quickly glancing away again, she knew she was being foolish not asking for Castle's help, but she just couldn't do that.

"Kate" she heard Lanie ask as she knocked on the door, "Kate can I come in?"

"Just a minute" Kate called, trying to get her herself decent, scrambling to put her shirt on, but Lanie mustn't have heard because she could hear the door opening and Lanie's gasp as she saw her bare back. She quickly pulled the shirt around her, hoping that Lanie hadn't seen too much.

"Kate? Lanie said softly, but Kate didn't turn. "Kate, your back it's…"

"No" Kate whispered softly, jumping away from Lanie's touch as she tried to skim her fingers along her skin.

"Kate?"

Kate exhaled squeezing her eyes shut.

"It's fine. It's not as bad as it looks"

"Kate. Will you let me look? Please?"

"Please don't touch" Kate requested, her voice small and broken.

"I won't. I just want to see, OK?"

Kate nodded reluctantly, without looking at Lanie, she couldn't face her; she couldn't see the pain and disappointment in her eyes. Lanie gathered up the bottom of her shirt and gently lifted it up, exposing her beaten back.

Lanie swallowed the gasp that was threatening the fall from her lips. Kate's back was no better, if anything it looked worse. The red marks had raised slightly and were beginning to re-open slightly, in their attempt to scab over the skin had been pulled taught and the risk of infection had increased dramatically.

"Kate, have you been using the creams I gave you?"

"Yes" Kate answered quickly, her body involuntary tensing at the tone in Lanie's voice. The silence indicated Lanie didn't believe her. "I've tried to, but sometimes it's hard to reach"

"Did you ask Castle to help you?" she watched as Kate shook her head slightly. "Kate why not?"

Kate hung her head, her hair falling like a curtain covering her face.

"Lanie I can't. I don't want him seeing me like that"

"Kate, you need someone to help you do this, if you don't it's going to get infected"

"I can't. Not him"

"Kate come and sit down" Lanie offered, taking Kate softly by the hand and moving them back towards the unmade bed.

Kate sat with her hands in her lap with her head hung low. Picking at her cuticles with her nails as a distraction she tried to focus on feel of the bed underneath her. It was warm and soft and nothing like the bare, hard mattress she had become accustomed to.

A gentle hand on her shoulder made her jump slightly and whip her head up to meet Lanie's eyes.

"Kate" Lanie's tone was gentle, like a mother soothing an upset child. "Castle told me what happened with the cup last night. He just wants to help you. We all do, but you need to talk to us"

"He wants me to see a therapist" Kate sighed.

"And do you not want to?"

"They will make me talk about it."

"It might help to talk about it"

"Do you think I need help?" and for the first time she looked Lanie in the eyes, praying for an honest answer.

"Kate, they are there to help you, but only if you let them. There is no harm in trying" Kate nodded, a movement that told Lanie she didn't want to discuss it anymore. "Now, enough of that, lets clean your back and then we can head out. It should be quiet in the city today, so we can go to the hair salon and then for a coffee, how does that sound?"

"Yeah. OK"

"Good. Well I'm just going to clean your back and cover it." Lanie moved her shirt out of the way and grabbed some anti-septic wipes and creams from her bag. "This might sting a bit" she warned her before pressing the wipe to one of the marks on her shoulder.

Kate sucked in a breath and bit her lip as the wipe connected with her back. Her back felt like someone was running hot poker across it and she couldn't help the whimper that slipped from her lips as she arched away from Lanie's touch.

"I know, I know sweetie, I'm almost done" Lanie soothed as Kate continued to arch away from her. "I know you don't want Castle to see these marks, but Kate if you can't do it yourself you are going to need someone to do it for you"

"I know"

"Kate, how did you care for them before you were found? Some of these marks look like they've been healed a while"

"He would do it." She said simply, her voice void of any emotion.

"Who do you mean?"

"The man who you found dead." She paused, "Owen" she continued, reminding herself that the man behind the mask now had a name. "He noticed I was in pain, one night it was so bad that I couldn't stop crying. He came in and helped clean me and dress the cuts."

"He helped you?" Lanie questioned, the disbelief showing in her voice.

Kate nodded twice, "only when it was really bad. I got sick a few times early on and he said he didn't want me to get sick again and have to care for me more. So he would clean me up and dress the cuts."

"He must have known what he was doing. They were kept clean"

Kate remained silent. She didn't care that it had been kept clean, it had still scarred her, and it had still left her with a permanent reminder of everything she wanted to forget.

Lanie finished dressing her back as quickly as possible before leaving Kate to finishing getting ready and meeting her downstairs.

Castle was waiting for them, with toast and a coffee waiting for Kate. He had been trying to encourage her to eat more, she was still far too thin and wasn't eating enough. He watched her nibble away at the corners of the toast, her eyes solely focused on the task at hand. It wasn't long before she was claiming she was full and pushing the toast aside. Castle brought her jacket over; a new summers jacket than Lanie had picked for her, and helped ease it onto her before her and Lanie made their way out into the city.

When they arrive the hair salon it was quiet, with soft music playing in the background and only a handful of people talking around the hair washing sinks. Kate's eyes dared around the room nervously, she had longed to get inside and off the streets, the feeling of people walking past her and the threat of them brushing past her or noticing her obvious caution only added to her uneasiness. Once inside Lanie told Kate to take a seat whilst she went to speak to the woman at the desk.

Kate watched Lanie's conversation intently, it appeared she and the woman were friends as they chatted easily, Kate wondered if Lanie had set it up so the salon was quiet for her arrival, she was very grateful if she had, she still wasn't sure how she would react in a crowd of people. Getting to the salon and being in the precinct had been hard enough and she was already fearing the subway back to the apartment.

Her name was called, dragging her from her thoughts as the young, red haired hairdresser called her name and ask her to follow her to one of the seats.

Kate followed obediently and sat in one of the soft leather chairs, Lanie sat at her side in the next chair turning it to face Kate.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" the hairdresser asked, her bubbly tone shining through.

"Um" Kate couldn't seem to find her voice, the sudden realization that she was in the company of someone who didn't know her story, who wouldn't judge her or treat her differently. Instead here she was simply Kate.

"Two coffees would be lovely" Lanie chipped in and with that the hairdresser called to her assistant to go and make them.

"So what are we having today Kate?" The hairdresser asked, looking at Kate through the mirror. She then ran her fingers through Kate's hair, a simple gesture of second nature but not for Kate. Kate instantly ducked her head away, a reflex she had grown to do every time someone tried to get close to her head.

Lanie was quick off the mark clutching Kate's hand and giving a look to the hairdresser that told her to go slower.

Kate squeezed Lanie's hand back, reminding her of where she was and who she was with. She took a breath and then looked up, speaking with the hairdresser through the mirror.

"Sorry" she said quickly offering a small smile

"Don't apologize please, my fault really, probably took you by surprise, I'm terrible for it, if someone makes me jump I usually run a mile and scream the place down!" She was making small talk but it was calming Kate immensely.

"So anyway, what we're we thinking today Kate?" she asked again, this time keeping her hands on the back of the chair.

"I'm not sure," Kate said honestly, she hadn't put much thought into what she really wanted. "It needs a good cut, but nothing too short, and maybe some highlights but nothing too light"

"Perfect" the hairdresser replied, "well we will start by pulling the highlights through, then we will wash them out and then style it, how does that sound?"

"Yeah that sounds lovely, girl you will have better hair than me by the time they are finished" Lanie remarked with a smile, lightening the atmosphere.

Kate was beginning to relax more. Her coffee was brought over and the three girls chatted whilst Kate had her hair done. At first she was still apprehensive, watching exactly what the hairdresser; Lucy, was doing. It felt strange having someone touch her hair so softly, to care so much about what she was doing.

Two hours of gossip and girly talk was just what Kate needed, she loved every second of it, never wanting it to end, she could feel a years worth of tension and fear leaving her with each sip of hair that left her. Once they we're finished Kate looked like a new woman, her shoulder length brown hair with chestnut highlights had a slight wave to it that framed her face, and complimented her eyes. For the first time in months she actually felt some form of normality again.

* * *

"Ryan tell me you got something" Castle asked from his desk at the precinct.

"Nothing yet. CSU have finished their report and reported four different DNA profiles had been in that house" he replied, thumbing through the CSU report one final time.

"OK, so Kate, Owen and Jonathan Landers, who was the fourth one?" Castle asked, hoping for a lead.

"Don't know, it's not on the system. But it's old so CSU said it might not be reliable"

"So what you're telling me is we know nothing new" Castle sighed, they had been at this for hours and all they had managed so far was to track down an old friend of Jonathan Landers and uniforms were looking for him to bring him in. Other than that the morning had felt like a waste of time, leads that were proving futile and facts that didn't make sense only frustrated him more, it shouldn't be this hard to find a murderer, especially one with a gunshot wound.

"That might not be so" Espo said walking into the bull pen holding a photo of Johanna Beckett in his hand, "I did a bit of digging into Kate's mother, turns out she was a lawyer and a good one at that, but when her daughter was reported missing she tried to shut down all her cases"

"What do you mean?" Castle asked, leaning forward, placing his elbows on his desk.

"Well most of them were small scale ones, she fought to bring justice to people without a voice, however after the disappearance of her daughter she devoted her time to finding her."

"That makes sense" Ryan added.

"It would. Except she shut down all but one case, except this one she seemed to be keeping off the books, sort to speak. She was still investigating it when she was murdered almost three months after her daughter's disappearance" Esposito conversed.

"So what are you saying? That this case had something to do with her daughter's disappearance?"

"It's possible. I also found the missing report form for her and it was closed after four weeks with no leads. It appears that Kate had a record for staying away and not checking in, so the Detectives in charge concluded that she had run away"

"But that wasn't the case, she was a hostage"

"I know, but the parents never claimed they had received any ransom calls, so they cops at the time assumed she had ran away"

"So you're telling me it was never pursued?"

"Afraid it looks that way." Esposito concluded, knowing it wasn't the information they needed, but it might be a start.

"OK, look into that report, find out who buried it and bring them in, I want to speak to them." Castle order.

"There is a block on Jonathan Landers account so when he goes looking for money hopefully something will pop." Ryan explained whilst furiously typing the information into their system.

"On it, anything else?" Esposito asked.

"No. I'll find Johanna Beckett's case file. Something tells me there is more to this than meets the eye"

With that Castle took another gulp of his coffee and set to work, he couldn't go home without any new information for her, not again.

* * *

The ceramic coffee mug was warm between her fingers as she watched the steam rise and dance into the air, mesmerized by the way it starts off thick and strong and then seeps into nothingness as it rises. They had been sat in the coffee shop for only ten minutes and already it was feeling like too long.

The day had been draining to say the least. She hadn't realized how much walking around the city had taken out of her, her muscles felt weak and her bones creaked beneath her, after spending so long with only limited movement she wasn't used to the fast pace of the city sidewalks. She knew Lanie had been walking slowly, measuring her steps in order to make sure she could keep up with her. They had originally planned to take the subway back to the loft and go to a coffee shop nearer the apartment but as soon as the subway station had come into view, and the grey, metallic tunnel was the only way to descend to the tracks she had immediately froze. Luckily Lanie hadn't said anything and simply suggested that they go for coffee at a nearby shop and walk back once Kate had her strength back again.

Taking a drink of the warm liquid she swallowed down the panic that was beginning to bubble in her chest. She was safe with Lanie, no one was after her, no one was going to grab her and take her away. Her thoughts ran back to that day. Questions burning in her mind of _'what if' _and _'if only I had'_ all of it pointless now, they would have taken her one way or another.

"You hair looks great" and with Lanie's compliment she was yanked from her thoughts, she smiled downwardly, finding it hard to take the compliment. "It really suits you" Lanie continued.

"Thank you" she replied softly. She'd longed for a proper hair cut for months and now finally being able to run her fingers through it without strands falling out felt like heaven.

There was a comfortable silent between the two as they drank their respective coffees, Lanie's a skinny Late and Kate's two pump sugar free vanilla. That had always been her favorite ever since being young, and had kept her going through many all-nighters during her high school exams.

"Castle took me up onto the roof last night" Kate said without thinking, for once she wanted to start a natural conversation.

"What?" Lanie exclaimed, before seeing the nervous look on Kate's face, "I mean, why did he do that?"

Kate swallowed, that wasn't exactly the reaction she had hoped for but at least she wasn't being yelled at. She bit her lip and looked down smiling at herself, it was the one time since all of this that she actually felt happy.

"I told him I was worried about going into the city. I was scared that it would be too busy, so he took me up onto the roof. I could see for miles up there, it was as if all the stress and bustle of the streets didn't matter and I could be outside and not worry about anything."

"Did it help?"

"Yeah it did. I still feel a bit nervous, but I know there is somewhere I can go that is peaceful now. I watched everyone going about their business, nobody cares who I am and that's great because nobody treats me differently. It's as if I'm normal"

"You are normal Kate. And things will get better. So cab or subway back to the loft, your choice?"

She wanted to take the subway and try to concur one more fear, but maybe now wasn't the right time, she was doing well and she didn't want to compromise that just yet. "Taxi, please"

After finishing their drinks they made their way back out into the city. They stood on the sidewalk as Lanie tried to hail a cab. It was a sunny day but Kate couldn't help but pull her jacket around herself, she wondered if she would ever be warm again and be able to fully appreciate the warmth the sun offered on her pale face.

She wasn't paying attention to her surroundings when she felt the smoke seep past her face and crawl up her nose. The rank smell radiating from the stranger's cigarette beside her, and with that she was back there.

Closing her eyes she tried to focus and ignore the smell that was quickly wrapping itself around her and blocking off any attempts to breathe in clean air. She opened her mouth wider and tried to take a deep breath but it was as if something was blocking her throat as the smoke clogged in her dry mouth. All she wanted to do was breathe. Why wouldn't they let her breathe?

"Kate?" her name was being called but she couldn't make out what they were saying, "Breathe", there is was, that voice again, but it wasn't clear enough for her to understand. "You need to breathe Kate", she heard it that time, but she was breathing wasn't she?

Her body was thrust forward and suddenly she was on the pavement, her clammy hands connecting with the cold concrete as her head lolled onto her shoulder before her face was clasped between a pair of strong hands and forced to look straight ahead. Why were they doing this? She was breathing, she was doing as they said, why did they still want to hurt her? A weight was pressed on her back; a hand from a concerned New Yorker, but to her it was just more agony, a searing burn than continued to press deeper into her delicate skin.

"Kate look at me and breathe in" the voice commanded again, but she was trying to, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes for a split second, disconnecting from the terror she was facing as she tried to take her mind somewhere else that wasn't the moldy old mattress encased in an iron bed frame.

"Come on Kate, deep breaths that's it" the voice responded as she imagined her mother holding her hand as they made their way through the streets of the city.

"That's it you're doing really well, just keep doing that, deep breaths Kate" again her mind went elsewhere, this time to her parents cabin, summers lounging on the decking with an ice cold lemonade in one hand and a book in the other as the condensation from the glass dripped onto her tanned fingers.

"Kate?" someone was asking her a question and she couldn't ignore it, "Kate, can you hear me?" the voice asked again, and this time she knew it was Lanie. "_Kate_?" the voice stressed and she quickly nodded her head in recognition.

"Thank God" Lanie whispered, having seen people have panic attacks before she had never seen one quite that bad. "Kate, are you OK?"

Once again Kate nodded her head as her mind finally came back to her as she realized she could breathe in the warm air of the city. She sat there for a few moments, making sure her breathing was under control before looking up to see Lanie talking to someone behind her, she couldn't work out what they were saying but she was sure it had something to do with a taxi. She wanted to go back to the loft, she needed to get somewhere safe.

The next half an hour passed in a blur. The taxi ride was quite as she rested her limp body on Lanie's sturdier frame. Never had a panic attack taken it out of her that much before, she felt as though her whole body had become a lead weight that she was no longer in control of.

The next thing she knew she was inside the loft and being helped up the stairs and into the bedroom. Her body connected with the soft sheets as she felt herself being maneuvered onto her side before her shoes and jacket were removed. She relaxed into the bed, feeling it sink beneath her and take what little weight there was of her.

A few minutes later she noticed Lanie was at her side holding a glass of cool water to her lips and placing a damp cloth to the back of her neck. She sipped the water slowly as her body became weaker. She relaxed into Lanie's touch as she soothed her hair back from across her face and slowly continued to stroke her hair just like her mother used to do whenever she was scared.

With that, she finally drifted to sleep.

* * *

"Lanie" Castle called, entering the loft and hastily closing the door behind him. As soon as she had called he had left his desk at the precinct and raced through the city fearing the worst.

"Castle she's fine, she's fine" Lanie quickly reassured him, rising from the couch and making her way over to him, placing her hands on his arms to steady him as his breathing returned to normal.

"Where is she?" he asked, still taking deep breaths to fill his lungs once more.

"She's upstairs, she's sleeping"

Castle let out a sigh of relief. She was safe and that was what mattered. When Lanie had called saying they had needed to cut their outing short because Kate had suffered another panic attack and had needed to be carried home, his mind had gone straight to worst case scenarios.

"What happened Lanie?"

"She had a panic attack. I'm not sure what triggered it, she stopped responding to me and the next thing I knew she was on the pavement. It was bad Rick, I've never seen someone have one like that before, it was if she was reliving something. It took her a while to respond to me. It completely tired her out, as soon as we got back here I had to put her in bed, she is exhausted Rick."

"She's not been sleeping" he admitted, knowing it was true.

"I know. What with the nightmares, how weak she is, and the state her back is in I'm not surprised she isn't sleeping"

"Wait, what do you mean the state her back is in?"

Lanie looked quizzically at him, "How much has she told you Rick"

"No more than what I ask."

Lanie waited a moment before guiding him to one of the breakfast bar stools and sitting opposite him.

"Her back is very bad. If I hadn't have treated it this morning it would have become infected pretty soon. She needs help Rick, not just mental help to get her back to her normal life, she needs some kind of physical treatment to help her build her strength up. I'm going to advise she sees a physical therapist, just to build some of her muscle strength up."

Rick took a moment to take it all in. He knew she was weak and in the process of healing, but for now he thought she was getting better. She had been talking more and seemed to trust him slightly, but she was still weak, she still walked around as if she was forcing her body to move rather than move freely.

"She is weak, and she hasn't been eating much"

"That's what nine months in captivity will do"

Nine months. To him that felt like a lifetime. It was a lifetime. Nine long months for her to be living in appalling conditions, not knowing if that day would be her last.

"I'll call Burke in the morning, see if he can see her earlier than next Friday"

"Burke?" Lanie asked, her voice a whole pitch higher than normal.

"Yeah. Thought it might be worth a shot"

"I didn't realize you were still in contact with him?"

"I'm not really. Just now and again." That was a lie, he had been in contact with him at least once a month since that day. "It can't hurt to try"

"She's scared to go" Lanie said, thinking back to the way Kate had closed in on herself at the mention of a therapist.

"To see Burke?"

"Um-hum, she thinks he will judge her"

"I don't know what to do though Lanie. I can't give her the type of help she needs"

"She told me about last night. On the roof. Did you not think it was a bit risky taking her up there?"

"Maybe a little now I think about it. But you should have seen her Lanie, she was so happy. It was the first time I've actually seen her be herself. You mentioned her back, what's wrong with it?"

"She had cuts across it. They look as if someone has whipped her. She also has small circular scars, the kind you would expect from a cigarette burn.

"She didn't tell me" a part of him was jealous of the connection Lanie had with her, she clearly trusted her more than him, but then again it wasn't surprising after what she had been through.

"I don't think she wants you to see her as weak"

"What? I would never -"

"Castle, that girl has spent nine months being held hostage by two men who did God only knows what to her." Lanie began, cutting him off before he could blame himself. "The fact that she is even staying here is a miracle in itself. But you need to understand it's not you that she fears, it's everything that being here represents. Here she is vulnerable because she doesn't know you, she spent nine months with the same two people and now she is living with essentially another stranger. It's going to take her time to adjust, to live not just with you, but outside of those four walls she was cooped up in. You need to understand Rick that she doesn't fear you, she fears everything that is new and unknown to her."

"You sound like Dr Burke" Lanie crooked an eyebrow at him. "But you're probably right. I'll reschedule the session with Burke and get her an appointment with a physical therapist for some time this week."

"Good. How did you get on at the precinct? Any new leads?"

"Not much, we've still not managed to track down Jonathan Landers, but we've frozen his bank account so hopefully he will show up soon. We found Kate's missing persons report though"

"When was it filed?"

"Three days after she told us she was taken. But it was buried after four weeks with no leads."

"What do you mean?"

"One of the detectives who was involved, he said that because there had been no fresh leads, and after speaking to some of Kate's college friends it appeared that she had left. So he buried it"

"Can they do that?"

"Apparently so."

Castle moved over to the couch, no longer feeling like he could support himself on the stool and opting for a seat that he could slump into. He scrubbed his hand over his eyes again, the day had been long and was finally catching up on him. His eyes began to sting with exhaustion as his body begged him to rest, he couldn't go on like this for much longer.

"Castle? You OK?" Lanie asked, noticing his fatigued state.

"Yeah, just tired. This case is turning out to be more than any of us imagined"

"I know. I'll leave you to it and call round in a few days to check on her. If you can maybe help her put the creams on her back, but let her approach you, and make sure you don't make a big deal out of it."

"Course not. Thanks for today Lanie, even if it was cut short"

"She'll be alright Rick, she's made of strong stuff" Lanie placed a hand on his shoulder giving him a slight squeeze.

"I know"

Lanie gathered her coat and bag and made her way to the door. Once she was gone Rick locked the door behind her and moved back to the couch, dropping his phone on the coffee table and cupping his face in his hands.

His mind began to process everything they had learned so far about Katherine Beckett, and so far all he seemed to do was come up with more questions. Whoever was behind this was clearly a professional, there was no doubt about it, and this was no random kidnapping off the street. She had been taken and held for a reason. There was a reason her missing persons report had been buried, there was a reason her mother had focused all her resources on one case after Kate's disappearance and there was a reason why her mother was dead and her father was an alcoholic. There was always a story, he just needed to find it.

The repeating sound of his phone ringing told him that maybe, just maybe he was going to find out more of the story just now.

"Castle" he answered, his voice laced with sleep.

"Is that Detective Castle" a male's voice asked through the crackling line.

"Yes it is who am I speaking to?"

The voice on the other end went silent and all that could be heard was the shallow breathing and static that transferred through the line.

Finally the mysterious voice spoke, "My name is Jim. Jim Beckett"

* * *

**Thank you for your continued support with this story, I love hearing your feedback and the reviews have been amazing! I am still humbled by people taking the time to review something that I simply do because I enjoy it, so a huge thank you from me to all of you!**

**Sorry this chapter took a little longer than expected, blame my university finals, but now they are over and done with and I have now officially finished university! So updates should be coming more regularly!**

**Just curious, this chapter was initially written as two separate ones and then when it came to editing I thought they went better together, but that took longer to create, do you prefer shorter or longer chapters? I'm always worried of information overload!**

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**Thanks again**

**H. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I am not associated with Castle.**

* * *

"Mr Beckett?" He couldn't hide the surprise in his voice as the shaken man repeated his name. "Thank you for calling, we've been trying to contact you" he spoke into the phone, finding himself rising from his seat to pace the kitchen.

"I wanted to call earlier but" the line went silent and he could hear the man's frustration with himself as he sighed. The man's voice was rough and heavy, it sounded as though he had just woken up and was still lacking in much needed energy.

"It's fine Mr Beckett. I'm sure this has been quiet a -"

"Is she alive?" Mr Beckett interrupted catching Castle off guard with his direct question. His question stumped him, it shouldn't have done as the answer was easy, but the broken man on the phone intimidated him somehow. "Is my Katie alive?" he asked again, this time with less authority and sounding more like the broken father he had imagined.

"Yes. Yes she is sir"

He heard a sigh of relief down the phone before what sounded like a mumbling sound as if he was contemplating what to say next, "Can I see her?"

"Mr Beckett" he began, hoping the words would come easy and he would be able to explain the situation without causing the man too much pain, "at the moment she is very traumatized, today has been a tough day. She is asleep right now, but I'm sure she would like to see you. I would need to make sure that is OK with her, you understand?"

There was a silence on the line, as if the answer the worried father had received was not the one he wanted or expected, "Yes. You have my number?"

"Yes, I will call you as soon as I speak to her." Castle replied quickly, a weak attempt to make the conversation seem less awkward.

"Is she safe?" the father asked and it only intimidated Castle even more.

"She is staying with me, and I give you my word that I am going to keep her safe"

"Did they hurt her?"

"Mr Beckett I"

"Did they hurt my little girl?" he insisted, the anger in his voice seeping down the line.

"Mr Beckett I don't know, I haven't seen the full extent of her injuries. My colleague has been treating her and I am looking at booking her in for physical therapy so we will have a clearer idea then. For now though she is doing OK."

OK didn't even begin to cover it, she was not OK, this whole situation was not OK, but he couldn't tell her father that over the phone, that was a conversation that was needed face to face.

"You will call me?" the anger now gone and replaced with fear of losing his baby girl again.

"I will call you as soon as I speak to her"

"Please, she is all I have left" he pleaded quickly as if trying to stay on the phone as long as possible.

"I promise you, I will call you as soon as I speak to her" Castle reassured him, he hated doing this, it felt so wrong to him but at the same time he had no idea how Kate would react to the situation.

"Please tell her I love her and that I'm sorry" the man whispered before the line went dead.

He hated doing that, how painful it must have been to hear that his daughter wasn't even sure she could speak to him, how his voice broke as he was told there was only so much he could do.

"Rick?" her voice was soft as she descended the stairs. He turned quickly at the mention of his name and saw her confused expression as she came into the light.

"Hey Kate, is everything OK?"

"Was that about me?" she questioned, stopping on the stairs, not braving to venture further into the room.

"Come and sit down, would you like something to eat"

"No thank you." She eyes him curiously as he glanced towards the couch, she knew something was wrong, it was all over his face. She moved cautiously towards the couch, making sure to sit upright and not press her back into the back of the chair. Rick moved to join her on the couch, sitting nervously on the edge of the seat. "Rick? You're scaring me"

"Sorry. Um I just received a call from" he looked into her eyes, he couldn't hide this from her, "from Jim Beckett. Kate your father wants to see you"

He watched as she took in what he had just told her, the realization of who he had just spoken to.

She dropped her gaze, focusing on the marks that surrounded her wrists, the permanent scars of what had happened to her. She loved her parents, that was non-negotiable but a part of her was so angry at them for not finding her that she had tried to block everything out. She had tried not to think about her mother, if she did it would break her, her mother had always been her inspiration, the person she wanted to be when she grew up, now that role model was gone and an empty hole in her life remained. She couldn't think about her mother's death and everything she had lost, it would destroy her, so she focused on what she had, a father, someone who she loved dearly and wanted to see her.

"How did he sound?" she asked, unsure if she actually wanted to hear the answer.

"He was in shock, he just wanted to know that you are safe. He wants to see you"

He wanted to see her, he wanted to know that she was safe, but for all that time she was missing they hadn't found her, she questioned if they had even tried. A part of her knew she wasn't thinking logically, she was still coming to terms with everything and this new flood of information only added to the trauma she was already experiencing.

"Why should I see him?"

"Kate?" the confusion in his voice evident.

"He abandoned me, I was gone for nine months and they didn't find me" she could feel the anger rising inside of her.

"Kate you can't blame him, he was confused, and helpless to do anything."

"He is my father and he did nothing!" her eyes began to sting as tears threatened to fall, but she blinked them back, telling herself that she wasn't going to cry.

"Kate those men that took you, it seems as if they were professionals" Castle explained, but he could see that her defenses were rising.

"What difference does that make?" she argued "He should have done something, anything to try and get me back, him and my mom"

"Kate you can't be angry at them?" he reasoned.

"Why not? What difference does it make? My mom is dead and my dad did nothing. He buried his head in the sand and left me to die there. If you hadn't found me I might have never been found." Her anger turned to upset as the tears she had been trying to hold back fell down her cheek

"Kate" he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder

"Rick please" she pleaded, her voice no longer angry but filled with fear," I just can't. I can't see him and act like none of this has happened when I'm this angry at him. Please?"

"It's ok to be angry Kate. It's ok to feel upset. Look I've arranged for you to see a therapist tomorrow morning, his name is Dr Burke, talk to him about this and then see how your feel. It's OK to take time to think about it, you don't need to make a decision right now"

The relief that flooded her expression was touching. Her eyes softened and her body relaxed in the knowledge that nothing was going to happen until she was ready.

"Is he good? This therapist?" she asked, the idea of a therapist always seemed to be admitting defeat to her.

"Very good. He's there to help" Castle said, the truth behind his words paramount.

"I don't want him to judge me" Kate admitted softly.

"He's not there to judge, he is there as someone to talk to, he can help Kate, trust me"

"Sounds like you're talking from experience there?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"You could say that. Now come on, I'm making you some dinner, Lanie told me what happened earlier, she said you collapsed so you're getting some sugar inside you and there is nothing better than a smorelette for a sugar rush."

"A smorelette?"

"Is like an omelette but with chocolate and marshmallows. One of the many kitchen mishaps I had that turned out to be a masterpiece"

She didn't question it any further and simply followed him to the kitchen and perched on one of the bar stools. She hadn't known him long, in fact if she really thought about it she hardly knew him at all, but he was helping her. She enjoyed watching him move around the kitchen, the way he told the story of how he created a smorelette by pure accident made him seem less like the hard face detective she was used to seeing and more relaxed and a friend.

* * *

The leather chair in Dr Burke's office was cold and firm and the atmosphere nothing like the relaxed one at the loft. They had booked the appointment for the early morning, that way the streets were quieter. Castle was waiting outside for her in the reception behind the large brown door.

Dr Burke was a tall man who seemed gentle and relaxed yet extremely professional and she liked him instantly. He didn't give her a judgmental look or query why Castle was outside, instead he simply invited her in, offered her a drink and sat down opposite her.

She stared at him for a good few minutes, not knowing if she should speak or if he would start a conversation, but for every moment she sat there she felt even more stupid, she wasn't used to opening up about her problems especially with strangers. She wanted to leave, she wanted to run back to the loft and hide until everything settled down. She just wanted to be normal again.

"So Kate, what brings you here today?" his question surprised her, she didn't expect him to be so open about it, to offer her such an opening that left the direction of the conversation completely in her hands.

"Has Castle not already told you?"

"He's told me only that he wants to help you"

She smiled at his comment, an awkward smile that left her feeling vulnerable, she knew Castle wanted to help her, which was all he had done since they had found her. She had tried to open up to him but trusting someone after so long of living in fear was proving harder than she ever imagined.

"I don't even know where to start" she admitted, as she brought her legs up to her chest.

"Why don't we start at the beginning? Why are you here today?"

"I. I don't know"

"Kate. Tell me what you're feeling right now"

Attempting to sum up a roller coaster of emotions in one word proved particularly difficult, not one word seemed to fit right with exactly how she was feeling. The physical pain was still there from months of abuse, the emotional scars that it had left behind still tormented her throughout her days and nights, and the fear of yesterday's events were still too vivid in her head to forget. "I'm scared" she finally settled with.

"Why are you scared Kate?"

"I don't know how to cope with what happened to me. It scares me to think about it."

"Can you tell me what happened Kate?"

She could tell him, but she didn't want to. As soon as she started talking about it she knew she wouldn't be able to stop, it would only be a matter of time before the words poured out of her after being told to quiet for so long. Her captors raging voice still haunted her dreams; _'keep your mouth shut'_ played over in her head every time she went to talk about what happened, his voice in her ear taunting her about what would happen if she talked to anyone.

"I was kidnapped. In October last year." That was a fact, she could talk about that, she convinced herself if she stuck to the facts, like she had in her statement then everything would be fine.

"I'm sorry. Can you tell me more about that day?"

"It was a nice day, I had just been for lunch with my parents, I was home for the weekend and they wanted to take me out. Originally I had said no, I was going to meet a friend but my mom said she had really missed me, so I went for an hour."

She paused, giving herself time to collect herself and decide how much she would explain. She opened her mouth to continue when Dr Burke jumped ahead of her.

"What are your parents like?"

"Um" the question stumped her, "they're great" she replied on instinct, "they were great" she corrected.

"Were?"

"My mom is dead. My dad is confused" she stated slowly, in a weak attempt to keep her emotions under control.

"Kate, if you need to stop we can do"

Kate took a deep decisive breath, "I don't want to talk about my mom, not yet"

"That's understandable. Can you talk about your dad?"

She nodded but refused to look directly at him, "He was great with me growing up. We would sit and watch the baseball together and then as soon as I was old enough he took me to my first game. We used to spend holidays at the cabin, just him, me and mom, we'd play games and go on bike rides. Just normal family stuff. He was always there for me, anything I needed he would support me. But now, I guess I'm angry at him for not finding me."

"Do you blame him Kate? For what happened?" she furrowed her brow at his question, Castle had told her she couldn't blame him, but here she was given the option.

"I don't know. I don't blame him personally, it's not like that. I think I'm just angry at the whole situation. When the police called him to tell him they had found me, he thought I was dead. He refused to come to the station. He only called yesterday and I have been back almost a week now. I just thought that if he really cared about me he would have called sooner"

"Did the police explain how he was when he receive the news of your rescue?"

"They said he was confused. He kept telling them that he had lost me months ago." She could feel the annoyance rising within her. She took a deep breath to calm herself down, a moment of clarity to focus herself again before continuing.

"And how did it make you feel, knowing that your father thought he had lost you?"

"Upset. I couldn't handle it. For months I dreamed of the day I would be free and my parents would welcome me home and everything would be normal again. But it didn't happen. I don't think it ever will happen."

"I take it your father has made contact since then?"

"He phoned Castle yesterday. He wants to see me"

"How did you respond to that?"

"I told him I didn't want to, that I wanted time to think about it first"

"I think that was a very wise decision Kate"

"You do?" she asked in surprise.

"Yes. Rushing into a decision to see someone who you hold so dearly but is clearly struggling with the situation may only make things worse. If you are expecting something and what you receive is different, then it can have lasting effects on both you and your relationship with your father"

"So what I am supposed to do?"

"Think about it. Think about why you want to see him."

"Because I missed him. He's my dad and I love him."

"Well I think you are part way to your answer there"

* * *

"Hey" Rick greeted as Kate emerged from Burke's office, "ready to go?"

"Yeah." she replied before glancing over her shoulder to look at Dr Burke, "Thanks again Dr Burke, I'll see you next week"

"Goodbye Kate" he smiled before going back inside his office.

After making an appointment for the same time next week, they both made their way back to the car. Kate was quiet, her body slumped into the fabric of the seat as she stared out of the window. She went over everything Dr Burke had told her, she hadn't meant to be so open with him, but it seemed right, he asked the right questions that made talking to him easier than she originally anticipated.

"You OK?" Castle asked, drawing her attention back inside the car.

"Yeah. Yeah I think I am" she replied confidently.

"Good. How did you find Dr Burke?"

"He's… interesting. He doesn't miss a trick does he?"

"That's Burke for you"

"He asked me to come back again next week, is that OK, I told him it would be but if it's not then I can always cancel"

"No, Kate course not, you can see him as often as you need to"

"I just figured with the money situation"

"Kate please don't worry about the money, if it helps to see him then you can see him every day if you need to, please don't feel as though you have to worry about paying me back"

"I will pay you back Rick, I will, but right now I don't have a clue what's happening with my accounts"

"Kate stop." He looked directly at her waiting for her to do the same, "I promised to look after you and that is what I am going to do, regardless of the cost"

"Thank you Rick."

They arrive back at the apartment just before lunch and Castle set to work on fixing them both a sandwich before he prepared to go back to the precinct for the afternoon. Ryan and Esposito were still working on the case in the hope of catching a break in the near future and he needed to give her some sense of hope soon.

Kate ate as much of the ham and cheese sandwich as she could, her stomach still wasn't used to eating large meals and eating too quickly made her sick, so she settle for smaller bites, trying eat as much of the bread as possible and get her calorie count up, she was still too thin for her liking and wanted to change that as soon as she could.

Before all this she used to be strong. She was an excellent runner and often ran track in high school. She enjoyed exercise, feeling the burn course through her body knowing it was doing her the world of good, feeling the fresh air race past her face and fill her lungs as she pushed herself further each time. She longed to feel like that again, to be in control of her body once again.

"I want to see the physical therapist. I want to be strong again" she blurted out, more to herself than to Rick but he understood none the less.

"I think that's a great idea Kate"

"I want to be able to protect myself." This time her voice was different, more certain and focused. The man behind her kidnapping was still at large and as far as she was concerned, the longer he was out there the more danger she was in.

"I understand." Castle replied.

It wasn't the reaction she expected, she expected him to tell her she didn't need to and that he would protect her, but his answer was exactly what she needed to hear.

"Actually I spoke to someone at the hospital earlier on today and they have put me in touch with someone who is supposed to be really good with physical therapy and recovery, I was going to give him a call tomorrow if you thought it was a good idea?"

"That would be great, thanks Rick"

Her lips curved into a soft smile, the thought of getting better pleased her, knowing that one day things might just be normal again only strengthen her desire to be healthy again.

Finishing up their sandwiches Rick cleaned the plates and collected his badge, handcuffs and gun from the safe in his bedroom. He had made sure not to show them to her, he remembered her previous reaction to his gun all too well. Making sure the gun was away as he left the bedroom he glanced at Kate as she finished putting away the plates and glasses. If he looked past the events of the past week and everything she had suffered he could almost forget what she had been through and simply pretend that they were friends.

"I'm going to head off to the precinct, see where we're at. Will you be OK here by yourself for a few hours?" he asked, moving back into the kitchen.

"I'll be fine." She assured him.

"OK, well if you need me, just give me a call and I'll be straight back. I should be back around six"

"I'll be fine Rick, honestly" and for once she actually believed herself.

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to Castle Fanfic Mondays**

**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed**

**Also thank you so much for your reviews on the previous chapter I really enjoyed reading your reviews and they never fail to put a smile on my face! Please let me know your thoughts and stick around for the next update! Thanks again.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

* * *

The water cascading down her body was a welcomed relief as she ignored the throbbing pain from the marks on her back. She let the water soak into her hair and cleanse her of all the grime from the past few days, washing away the memories of being sat on the pavement in the throes of a panic attack and spending the day curled up on a therapist's couch. She never allowed herself to have long showers, the thought of being rushed out for taking too long scared her too much, but knowing that Castle was working in his office and was too engrossed in the case to worry about how long she would be gave her the courage to finally appreciate a long hot shower. Oh, how she had missed just standing under the water, letting her problems and worries ease off her along with the water.

The water was warm and flowed easily from the large shower head, never putting too much pressure on one part of her body for too long. The water here was calming and gentle, almost as if it took great care in caressing her skin, a great contrast to the shower she had back at the house. There, the water was heavily pressurised and it felt like her head was the tarmac and the water, the jet that was slamming painfully down on her before she was dragged out and dumped back into her prison cell of a bedroom. Her memories from the house were becoming clearer to her the longer she was away from that dreaded place. That house was like a vault, not only keeping her captive within the confines of its four walls but suppressing who she was as well, turning her into a victim. It was as if she was watching someone else go through the torment she went through. After all, separation is key and distancing herself from her abuse helped her get through it and process it better. Visions of her cowering in the corner of the bathroom before being forced in and out of the shower still sneaked up on her every time she went to take a shower despite her trying to suppress and prevent it. She hated what they had done to her, the way they had tormented her all while keeping their distance. In their own sick way they had made sure that she stayed alive and healthy but had deprived her of everything else. She had rather they let her die. Then she wouldn't have endured as much as she did. It would be the best escape as she would not need to deal with the aftermath of the abuse and trauma and she would not be the shell of the person Kate Beckett once was.

Finishing up her shower, she stepped out and wrapped one of the towels around her hair and another around her body. The towels were softer than the ones she was used to and much larger allowing her to wrap her whole body in it. Drying herself off, she turned her attention to the vanity mirror in front of her. She stared at her face, truly taking in her appearance and looking deeply at herself for the first time in a long time. The cut on her forehead was healing well and her cheeks looked slightly fuller.

Taking a deep breath she dropped the towel so it pooled around her ankles. Looking at herself she still thought her ribs were showing too much and her arms felt much thinner and weaker than before. Her thighs had filled out slightly but the muscle tone she used to love had gone. The bruises that had covered her body were fading and the colour pigment in her skin was beginning to show more. She was happier, she could see that her body was getting stronger and with physical therapy she knew she would be able to recover quicker. The only problem was her back, the cuts and gashes still hadn't healed and were still causing her with pain and discomfort every time she turned over in her sleep. Countless nights were spent with her waking up to the searing pain in her back as she turned into a contortionist act trying to twist and turn to apply the creams. Lanie's voice rang in her head, reminding her that she should get Castle to help her, that she could trust him and if she didn't she was only going to make herself ill and end up back in the hospital.

Her mind began to wander through everything Rick had already done for her, saving her, welcoming her into his home, making sure she was safe and getting better as well as trying to catch the people responsible for her kidnapping. He had done a lot, and yes it might have been his job, but she was pretty sure staying up late to check on her and providing her with clothes and a haircut really wasn't part of his job. He cared for her, and he had always shown her that, even by the simple look in his eyes that told her he only wanted her to be safe. She knew she could trust him but she needed to get over this barrier if she was ever going to be able to show her complete trust in him. Before she allowed herself to change her mind she pulled a large t-shirt on and her pyjama pants, picked up the creams and made her way downstairs to his office.

Kate stood outside Rick's office, her bare feet cold against the hardwood flooring as her fingers gripped the bottles in her hands, turning her knuckles white with the amount of pressure she was exhorting. She told herself repeatedly that it wasn't such a big deal, that she could trust him and this was the only way she was going to avoid an infection. Without thinking, she raised one hand and knocked gently on his office door. She hated disturbing him when he was working, especially if his door was closed and for a split second she questioned if she had done the right thing.

"Hello?" Ricks voice on the other side of the office questioned and it made her wonder who exactly he thought was standing on the other side.

Wrapping her fingers around the handle she slowly opened the door. Her feet refused to move into the room as she stood in the doorway shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"Um Rick, I'm sorry to ask you, and if you're busy please feel free to say no but I was wondering if you could help me put these creams on my back? Please?" her nervous eyes caught his. At first his expression worried her, he looked as if she had asked him to murder someone for her, the shock on his face indicating that he clearly wasn't expecting her question. But his features soon softened and a wave of calm washed over her as he rose from behind his desk and moved towards her.

"Of course, I'm not doing anything important, why don't we go through to my room" Kate opened her mouth to respond but he cut her off, "You go through and I'll grab a towel for you to lie on and then you can get comfy"

"No it's fine I can stand honestly" Kate replied quickly, she didn't want him to go out of his way for her, it was only a few creams after all.

"Please Kate, let me do this for you". He only wanted to help, but by the way her eyes shifted towards his bedroom and back towards him, he could tell something was bothering her. "Unless of course you want to stand up then that's fine, I just thought it might be easier lying down".

It was easier lying down, she had learned that from experience, but it was that very experience that was making her question if she could handle it without freaking out again. She gazed into his eyes, seeing nothing but care and support for her. He was nothing like the men who did this to her, he was kind and generous, a person who she could trust to look after her. She did not know if men like that existed anymore but a part of her wanted to believe that they did.

"OK, whatever you think is best" she whispered, managing to sound slightly less nervous than she actually felt.

Castle smiled and went to the bathroom to retrieve two of his softest towels. Kate had followed him into the bedroom and was currently standing facing the bed, still holding the creams in her hands.

"Um, I'll just go, over there, whilst you um, well you make yourself comfortable. I'll be back in a minute" he said nervously as his eyes shifted from Kate to the bed and the doorway before hurrying into this office and closing the bedroom door.

Kate looked around his room, it was the first time she had actually seen the room to its full extent. The dark bedding contracted with the light that beamed around the room, with rich dark wood floors covered by large rugs spread out across the floor. Placing the bottles on the bedside table she laid one of the towels down on the bed. Checking that the bedroom door was closed she quickly slipped out of her shirt and laid down on the towel and pulled the second towel over she shoulders covering herself for the time being. Making herself comfortable she closed her eyes and tried to relax. She could feel the steady beat of her heart with every passing second as she waited for Rick to return. The quiet made her nervous and gave her mind the opportunity to ponder his reaction to her scars. She knew he hadn't seen the extent of her injuries, the white scar lines that covered her shoulders and lower back where the knife blade had dug into her delicate skin. The angry, red welts that covered the middle of her back from her captor's leather belt connecting with her skin. She hated them. They reminded her too much of what had happened, of everything that she had experienced and tried to forget about. She looked broken, she felt broken and now he was going to see her as broken. She was sure he would be repulsed by what he saw and not want to touch them, he would make a flippant comment about not wanting to hurt her and tell her he would call Lanie and ask her to do it. She was stupid and this was a stupid idea, she couldn't believe she had let herself become so vulnerable. Here she was lying practically naked waiting for a man she barely knew to come and help her. If someone had asked her two months ago if she would do that, she would say how much of a stupid idea it was to put herself in that situation. She needed to go. Now!

She was just about to lift herself up onto her knees, shove her top back on, and run as fast as she could back upstairs when she heard a knocking on the door.

"Kate, is it OK if I come in?" he asked nervously.

She couldn't move, her body felt like it was glued to the bed, her heart began to beat harder against her chest, her mind telling her that she should move but her body begging her to stay. She needed this. She needed to get better.

"Yes" she replied, her voice slightly higher than normal as she tried to keep herself calm. This was Rick she was with she reminded herself, and she could trust him.

Castle entered the room slowly, measuring each of his steps as if to try not to surprise her. He knew this was a huge step for her and didn't want to do anything that would spook her. He fixed his eyes on her upper body, the light in the room too dim for him to see any real signs of damage until he ventured closer. He saw her flinch as he stepped on a loose floorboard but to her credit, she composed herself quickly. Seeing the bottles on the side he inspected them closely; there was an antiseptic cream for open wounds, but he thought her wounds were already healed? The question went to the back of his mind when he saw the bio oil sitting next to it, presuming it was for her scars he wondered how bad the scope of her injuries actually were. He had seen the obvious marks, the scars on her wrists from what he presumed were handcuffs, the cut to her face the first day he had met her and the odd cut here and there that he couldn't quite imagine a story for.

He glanced back over to Kate who was still lying silently on the towel. He prepared himself, remembering how Lanie had warned him that he was to make her feel comfortable and not do anything that would upset her; not that he would aim to do that anyway but he knew Lanie would hold good on her threat so it was better safe than sorry.

He stood at the side of the bed, he could feel the tension radiating from her body and he knew he needed to get her to relax if she was going to trust him to do this again. The thing about Richard Castle was he never did anything by halves, if Kate wanted cream put on her back he wasn't about to make a quick job of it and send her on her way, he was going to make this as pleasant as possible. He would take his time, make sure he was thorough in his work to ensure she had the best possible chance of healing quickly.

"Kate, I'm just going to pull the towel down OK?" he warned her.

After hearing her hum her agreement he gripped the top two corners and gently pulled it down her back before letting it fall just below her tail bone.

Her back was worse than he could ever imagine and he had to stifle a gasp as he took in the extent of her injuries. Three large marks spread from her right shoulder to her left hip as if someone had whipped her repeatedly until the skin had cracked and bled. The middle of the three was still open and appeared to have never scabbed over and healed correctly. The two others were smaller and seemed to have attempted to heal somewhat, but the one in the middle was in an awkward place for her to reach and he presumed that was the mark Lanie was talking about. He scanned his eyes over the rest of her back. It was littered in smaller cuts and scars that seemed to be at odd angles in different stages of healing. The small circle marks struck him the most, cigarette burns for sure and a much more personal form of scarring than the random cuts. Most had healed over with time and all that remained were either white circle marks or pinkish stains, all except for one. On her right side just where her ribs stopped appeared to be a large mark, a cigarette burn for sure but it looked as if multiple burns had occurred in that area disfiguring even the scars and would definitely leave a permanent mark.

"Rick?" her voice pulled him from his thoughts, dragging him back to the reality that he had probably stood there staring at her for a good few minutes without uttering a word.

"Kate. I didn't know. I'm sorry"

"Please don't" she pleaded as she tilted her head further into the bed, "please" she whimpered.

Castle swallowed hard. He picked up the cream and scooped a generous amount onto his fingers.

"I'm going to put this on your back now Kate" he warned her gently, his voice soft and relaxed masking the anger he really felt. How could someone abuse a person as badly as they had Kate? What really happened in that house and how extensive were both her emotional and physical scars?

Kate nodded in response and took a deep breath. The coolness of the cream made her jump slightly as it came in contact with her back. His fingers moved to the splits in her skin that still hadn't healed and gently worked the cream into the open wounds of her spine and up to the injured area around her shoulder blades. His fingers were strong yet soft as they worked the cream into her back and Kate tried to forget about what caused the marks.

His hands were different to Lanie's, his fingers broader and rougher and too much like her captors. She bit back a sob as his hands travelled down the length of her back towards the burn marks on her back of her ribs. _'He's helping you. It Castle' _she repeated to herself as she tried to stay as relaxed as possible. His hands continued their work, but her body began to tense every time he moved to another spot.

When his hand came into contact with a particularly nasty mark in the middle of her back, she couldn't help the cry that emitted from her throat as her skin began to sting. She felt his hands instantly leave the painful area and move to her upper arm, holding her in a comforting way.

"I'm sorry Kate. I know it stings, there is just a bit more to do. Would you like me to stop for a moment?"

Kate sniffled as a single tear rolled down her cheeks, but she shook her head slowly. He needed to finish.

Castle didn't say anything and instead slipped his hand up to her shoulders massaging the muscles there, trying to get her to relax again before he finished applying the cream. Once it was fully rubbed in he applied some of the bio-oil to the marks that had scared and wiped his hands on the towel.

"Kate do these need to be covered?"

"I don't know." She said honestly.

"Well, some of them are still open so maybe we should cover those. I have some gauze and tape that Lanie left if you're OK with that?."

"That should be fine"

"Give me one minute" and he said as he went off into the bathroom to retrieve the supplies.

Kate took the time to ground herself again. Yes applying the cream hurt, and yes she was nervous about asking for help, but there was something much bigger bothering her. A trigger that reminded her all too well of what her captors had done to her. She could still feel their hands on her skin. They had told her they were helping her and in a twisted way they were. After each beating her back was a mess and she knew without care she knew it would become infected. Owen had _helped_ her. God she hated that thought, that a man who could take her away from everything she knew and loved became the only person who could prevent her from becoming dangerously ill.

The feeling of the gauze touching her back pulled her out of her memories. It was the first sign that Castle had returned and was cautiously applying the new dressings. She remained as still as she could, letting him work in silence so he could finish the task quicker.

"There, all done" he beamed, his optimistic attitude attempting to lift the situation. "I'll leave you to get dressed, would you like something to drink?"

"I wouldn't mind a coffee"

"Coming right up"

Kate waited until she heard the bedroom door close and his footsteps became lighter before sitting herself up and grabbing her t-shirt. Just as she was about to pull it over her head she caught a glimpse at her back in the full length mirror to the side of the bed. Holding her shirt to her chest she climbed off the bed and walked gingerly towards the mirror. She wanted to see what it looked like, if the scars looked any better and if the smaller cuts were healing, as much as she hated seeing what they had done to her, her curiosity would always get the better of her in the end.

She turned and looked over at her shoulder to assess his work. It looked good. Every mark was covered in a thick layer of the cream and the areas that already held white scars were shining slightly from where he had applied the bio-oil. The larger marks were completely covered and she sighed because maybe tonight she would actually get a decent night sleep without waking up in tremendous pain every few hours. She pulled her shirt over her head, being extremely careful not to tug on any of the dressing, wiped her eyes and made her way back into the kitchen.

Castle stood near the coffee machine making him and Kate their signature coffees. Kate slipped into the lounge quietly and made herself comfortable on the couch. Castle joined her with their piping hot drinks, settling himself of the other side of the couch and passing her a coffee.

The silence between them was awkward, with too many unanswered questions hanging in the air as she watched Castle slowly sip his drink to occupy his mouth. She kind of liked seeing him like this, slightly nervous and curious compared to his usual confident self.

"I don't remember some of it" she offered, daring to start a conversation that she didn't know if she would be able to finish.

"Are they painful?" it was a stupid question to ask and he mentally kicked himself as soon as the words passed his lips, but her face softened as she readied herself to answer.

"Most of the time, yes. If I put too much pressure on my back. It hurts less when I have the cream and dressings on"

"But you were whimpering when I was applying the cream?" he asked, unable to stop himself.

"It wasn't that it hurt. And it wasn't you. It was just that it reminded me of when Owen would put cream on. I was fine with Lanie because her hands didn't feel the same, but you can tell the difference."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how long I had been there before it started but they had decided that it would be ok for me to be out in the living room, and as long as someone watched me and I didn't cause any trouble, they didn't bother me." she paused, letting her fingers circle around the top of her coffee mug. "But if I caused any trouble. If I got in their way, or annoyed them" she sighed letting her head drop. "I tried not too, I swear I did everything I was told. I sat where they told me and I only spoke if I needed a drink or the bathroom. But one time, I knocked over a glass and it smashed. It had been an accident, I don't know what they thought I was trying to do, but the older one, he decided that I needed to be taught a lesson. And that's how I got the marks." She concluded, sparing him the details that she would save for Burke's couch.

"I'm so sorry Kate"

"It's not your fault" she replied, shaking her head.

"And it wasn't yours either" he reminded her.

Kate shrugged, after being told for so long that she was responsible, that it was her fault that her skin was scarred, that is was because of her actions she had grown to believe what was now ingrained into her head.

"Kate, if you don't mind me asking, how did you go for so long without treatment?"

"The other brother, Owen" she reminded herself again that the man who held her hostage, who had simply been a face and a body to her actually had a name, he was someone's brother, someone's friend and someone's son. "Owen would come in if he thought the cuts were really bad. He would tell me that if I did as he said then he would treat the wounds. He told me that the other man wasn't to find out and if he did he wouldn't help me again. He made sure I couldn't run anywhere and then he would clean up my back and dress it."

"Is that what I reminded you of? Him?" Castle asked, trying not to show his disgust in the face that he had done something that was far too familiar to her. Kate nodded, and watched as Castle physically deflated, mentally kicking himself, it was no wonder she hadn't wanted to lie down. Castle scrubbed his hand over his face, the guilt evidence as his mind attempted to process what she had told him. "Kate if I'd have known, I would have never -"

"Stop" Kate interrupted trying to convince Castle that she had a handle on her emotions but her voice betrayed her.

"Kate, I did something that reminded you of them. I should have never done that"

"Rick, look at me please. Owen was never helping me. He was doing it to keep me quiet and to save himself the hassle of dealing with me if I got sick. _You_ were helping me." she took his hand in hers, her thin fingers curling around his strong hand. "The only reason it reminded me of him was because I was lying down and relying on someone else. At first I panicked, I thought I was back in that bedroom but then I remembered I wasn't. I wasn't tied down. I wasn't forced to keep quiet in case his brother heard and would punish me more. I was free."

"I never meant to scare you Kate"

"I know. And at first I was scared. I told Lanie I didn't want you to help me. But now I'm so glad I did because I know I can trust you. After all, you're the one that's going to bring them to justice for what they did"

She watched Castle physically deflate at the mention of her case. It was a topic she hadn't initiated a conversation about recently, favouring to avoid the subject as best she could in the hope to bury it like she had done with so many other things in her life.

"Kate" he sighed, "we still haven't found him. We've frozen his accounts but it's like this man is a ghost. I know it's hard, but if you can remember anything else, even if you don't think it is relevant, it might help us"

"They hardly spoke to me, and when they did it was never to talk to me."

"You said they kept you in the living room for some of the time. Did you see anything or hear anything whilst you were with them?" the desperation in his voice was showing through as he adjusted himself on the couch, leaning forward slightly with his hands clasped together as if pleading with her to tell him more.

"Every time I was in the living room I was to sit on the armchair near the radiator. I wasn't to look at them and I wasn't to ask for anything. They would give me a book to read, and Owen would sometimes pull the puzzle pages out of the newspaper for me to do. Other than that there was silence."

"Where were they when you were in the living room?"

"They had a routine. In the morning they would bring me breakfast. I could always tell what kind of mood they were in just from looking at them. Some mornings it would be relaxed. I'd have my breakfast, they'd let me use the bathroom and then sit in the living room for the day. Other times they wouldn't even come in and sometimes they would both come in. It was those mornings that I knew I wouldn't be leaving that room."

"Could you hear them when they were outside of the room?"

"Sometimes. They argued a lot, but rarely in front of me. At first I refused to co-operate with them, I would try and fight them off if they let me go to the bathroom or I would scream every time they took my gag off. For two days neither of them came in, I thought they had left me to die. When they eventually came back they told me that if I didn't start co-operating with them, that things would only get worse. They said I would be there a long time and it was in all our interests for me to do as they said. So I did"

"Did they tell you why you would be there so long?"

Kate shook her head, "They said that they had a plan. And that I was a cog that would make everything else fit into place. If I did as they said then they would let me go and they would be rich"

"So this was about a ransom?" Castle asked

"I guess so, but they never made me call anyone"

"There was never a ransom demand reported"

"All they said was that once this was all over they would be rich and if everything went to plan then everyone would get what they wanted."

He could tell she was getting tired, her answer were becoming shorter and dry.

"Kate, I know this is hard for you, but do you think it would help if you went back there?" her eyes shot up to meet his, "to the crime scene?" he clarified.

"Why would I do that?" she asked, her defenses rising immensely as her body stiffened on the couch.

"Sometimes it can remind people of something that they have forgotten, a small detail that may be relevant to finding a new lead"

"Why would I want to remember any of that?" she asked in disbelief.

"Because it might help put an end to all of this. You don't have to decide now, have a think, talk to Burke, talk to Lanie even and let me know. Even if you decide you don't want to, just promise me you will think about it, please?"

"I will" she promised.

"That reminds me" he began reaching for a box on the coffee table, and passing it to her, "I picked this up for you today, I've already added mine, Lanie's and the precincts number into the contacts" he informed her as it dawned on her that the box contained a cell phone. "I've also put your dad's number in there" he added softly.

"Rick I, this is too much, I can't accept this" she rambled, holding the black phone in the palm of her hand.

"You can and you will. This way you can get ahold of someone if you need anything."

She glanced at the phone. For so long she had wished to phone someone, to grab her captor's phone and tell someone what had happened to her. Now Castle had given her one and it all seemed too easy.

"My dad's number is in here?" she asked quietly.

"Yes" Rick nodded, "You don't have to call him, but it's there. That way you can do it whenever you're ready"

"Thank you"

Her smile melted his heart. They had come so far in such a short space of time. He could see her beginning to open up and trust him more, but not only that, she was beginning to trust herself. She was no longer afraid to wander around the loft on her own accord, she had proven that today when he had arrived home to find her curled up on the couch with a book from his bookshelf in her hand. She had jumped initially when he had asked what she was reading, but once she realized he wasn't asking out of malice and instead was simply curious she began to tell him all about the book.

As much as he knew the case needed solving, he still found it hard to be away from her. She was like a magnet drawing him to her, every time he saw a glimmer of a smile from her he couldn't help but feel content in knowing that she felt safe. He'd tried to make sure that she was safe, hiding his gun from her, making sure that he left a few lights on each night and always leaving his bedroom door open in case he heard her in the night. He was surprised she hadn't had nightmares, but then again he questioned if she would even tell him if she was having any. It was true that she had relaxed more but she was still far from trusting him completely. On the outside he could see that she was beginning to look like the woman she once was but he was a detective, trained in observing human behavior and he noticed the way she jumped slightly when he found her reading and her eyes always seem to crave approval and body language gave away her fear and insecurity.

He watched her retreat up to her room – the guest bedroom, he reminded himself. She was still weak and clung to the banister as she climbed the stairs. The way she placed each foot on the floor with extreme caution before trusting herself to apply too much weight only strengthened his belief that she needed to see a physical therapist as soon as possible. He wanted her to be strong again, for her sake as much as anything. Especially with one of her captors still nowhere to be found, he wanted to her be able to protect herself should the worst happen. He dreaded thinking what else they had done to her, what other torments they had forced her to endure before she finally broke and complied with every sick rule they demanded. Taking her back there would be a huge risk, and one that he wouldn't take lightly. He didn't even know if the Captain would agree to it yet, but he would deal with her if the time came. For now his focus was on making sure that Kate was improving and solving her case would come with time once she felt safe to open up to him.

Burying herself under the duvet Kate relaxed into the soft mattress. She hadn't risked sleeping in a tee shirt in case it pulled on the bandages but lying on her back was much more comfortable than it had been any other night. It was still early, just after ten, when she had retired to her room. She hadn't meant to leave that early but she was tired and wanted some time alone for a while. Even after being alone for so long, she still sometimes preferred to sit in the quiet rather than being surrounded by people. It could get claustrophobic having to deal with a lot of people and even having to talk to just Rick took a lot out of her, seeing as she was so used to being alone.

Turning on her side she stared at the phone sitting on the bedside table. Her fingers gravitated towards the phone, unlocking the screen she watched as the glow illuminate the room in bright light. She found herself staring at the contact list. Just as Castle had said, there was his number, the precincts, Lanie's and her dad's. She clicked on her dad's name, staring at the number and repeating it in her head. It was their number, the number she had dreamed of calling for so long, the number she had memorized before going to college and promising that she would call every week without fail; it was one of those promises that she wished she had kept, especially now that her mother was gone. She would never hear her mother's signature 'Johanna Beckett speaking' with a calm voice that made her believe that just for a second her problems did not exist. She wondered if her number was still active. Maybe she would at least get to hear the pre-recorded message signalling the caller to leave a message and a contact number after the beep.

Before she could stop herself she pressed the call button. It rang once, then twice, then a third time. He won't answer, she told herself, it will appear as an unknown number and he won't pick up. Or he will be asleep, or it won't be turned on, or –

"Hello?" a man's voice on the end of the phone answered

She couldn't speak, she was sure he wouldn't answer, she was sure it would simply ring out and she wouldn't need to worry about what she would say because he wouldn't answer. However now he had, she found her voice stuck in her throat, unable to vocalize any comprehensible words.

"Who is this?" the voice asked again.

Kate swallowed hard, trying to think of something to say, anything to say that would make this less awkward than it was right now.

"Dad?" she whispered and the line went silent, only the shallow breathing from the other end could be heard as she waited for his response.

"Katie? Katie bug is that really you?" his voice was full of disbelief and joy at the same time.

"Yes dad, it's really me" she replied as a single tear trickled down her cheek.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

* * *

"Dad?" she whispered and the line went silent, only the shallow breathing from the other end could be heard as she waited for his response.

"Katie? Katie bug is that really you?" his voice was full of disbelief and joy at the same time.

"Yes dad, it's me" Kate said, hardly believing that she was actually speaking to her father. She had dreamed of hearing her parents voice was so long, the fact that she was now speaking to him overwhelmed her. She choked back a sob, trying to stay as positive as she could, for his sake as much as her own.

"Katie. Oh my God Katie" his voice was broken as he spoke down the phone.

"It's me dad. I'm OK" she was far from OK, but for now that would do.

"You're OK" he repeated softly to himself more than her, "Katie I. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" he whimpered.

Kate bit her lips between her teeth to stifle a sob as she tried to hold back her tears. Hearing her dad's voice in her ear brought back memories of her childhood, how he would read to her before she went to sleep and then when she got older he would tell her all about the work he did and how both him and her mother helped people seek justice.

"Dad I"

"Where are you?" he interrupted, his voice desperate, demanding answers for the sake of his own sanity.

"I'm with Detective Castle. I am staying at his loft until the case is resolved" she explained.

"Kate. Katie did they hurt you?"

He was crying, she always knew when her dad cried, his voice got choked up in his throat as his lips smacked together and he stuttered out the words.

"No Dad, I'm OK." She hated lying to him, she didn't want him to know what they had done to her, but then again she still felt angry that she had even experienced it. A part of her wanted him to know she was hurt, she wanted someone to blame for the mess that her life had become, but that person wasn't – couldn't, be her dad.

"Can I see you Katie? I need to see you." He begged

"I want to see you to dad." She told him, "maybe this Saturday? You could come here?" she suggested.

"Yes. Yes I'll be there" he replied quickly, "what time?"

"Um, half eleven?"

"Half eleven, I'll be there"

She reeled off Castle's address and listened contently as her dad repeated it back to her twice, making sure that he had it correct. She didn't want to say bye, going so long without speaking to him only made her miss him even more but at the same time she knew it wasn't goodbye, she would be seeing him again soon. As bravely as she could she said goodbye, she heard his disappointment but he bid her farewell none the less.

"I love you Katie" he whispered and then ended the call before she had a chance to respond.

She held the phone in her palm for a while even after the call had ended. She simply stared at the black screen, thinking of how many times over the years her dad had told her that he loved her and she hadn't responded. She usually responded with 'you too' or 'same here' but never actually telling him that she loved him. For some reason she had always struggled to tell anyone, be that her parents or a boyfriend that she loved them, it was as if the words got stuck in her throat and she couldn't vocalise exactly what she was feeling and instead came up with something without the same significant meaning behind it, but would fit the purpose.

Putting the phone back on the bedside table she leaned back into the pillows and closed her eyes. Her stomach was filled with butterflies at the thought of her first physical therapy session in the morning. She dreamed of being strong again, of being able to climb the stairs quickly without having to worry that her legs would give out on her and send her crashing to the floor. Or her arms. Her arms had always been strong, she even had a pull up bar in her bedroom to practice, but after months of her arms being incapacitated they were weak and even holding a hardback book for a long period of time felt like she had been lifting a hundred pound weight. She was excited to get back to who she really was, no longer the victim in this mess that had become her life. She had always been a fighter and survivor and she would fight, and eventually overcome this.

She woke up early the next morning, 5:47 to be precise, far too early for her 10 o'clock appointment but she couldn't sleep much longer. It was only then that she registered the time of the clock and what had woken her. It wasn't 2am and she wasn't waking with a throbbing pain coursing through her back or a numbness in her arms from attempting to sleep on her front to avoid the pain. No it was the sunlight. The warm glow that radiated into her bedroom from the New York sun, bathing the room in an orangey glow that warmed her skin and calmed her aching muscles. She lay there until the sun had rose, simply staring out the window before closing her eyes and letting the colours dance behind her eyelids. She loved mornings like this. Her room in the house had the smallest window in the top left corner of the room, far too small to let any real sunlight in, which meant that unless her captors graced her with leaving the hall light or the ceiling light on, she was encased in darkness. She found now that she didn't like being in the dark, that it reminded her all too well of being plunged into the darkness for hours on end with no way of knowing when they would be coming back for her.

She'd missed mornings like this. Wrapped up in her duvet in the early hours as the sun rose over the city skyline. She had always been a morning person, and even as a teenager she would wake up early ready to face the day ahead. She liked waking up early, it gave her time to fully appreciate the whole day, another thing that she had grown to miss. Waking up early now was making up for all the time she had spent away from the outside world. She stayed in her room for another hour before going downstairs for breakfast. She decided on cereal, something light that wouldn't stick in her stomach for when she would be exercising. She was excited. No, she was nervous, but excited. She worried how much her body would be able to take and what they would actually do today, and how much she would need to do at home, and who would her therapist be, and would Castle stay with her? Would Castle stay with her? That thought hadn't crossed her mind previous, but sitting opposite him as he popped some bread in the toaster and mumbled something about needing to go grocery shopping, made her wonder if he would stay with her. She hoped he would

The waiting room was quiet much to Kate's liking. Most of the people there were either on crutches or had some form of support around one of their limbs that would surely tell a story of how they had broken something and were still recovering. People spoke in hushed tones as if they weren't allowed to speak at full volume in case they missed their name being called by their designated therapist before they were let into the main room.

Kate watched three people go in before her, all were invited in by a different physiotherapist, most were young and looked fresh out of college and Kate hoped that she wouldn't have one of them. Not that she felt like she deserved a more mature person, it wasn't that at all, but she would prefer someone who would acknowledge her situation and not ask too many questions.

"Hey" Castle said, drawing her attention to him and off the door that led to the therapy room, "you OK?" he asked.

"Yeah. A little nervous, but I want to get better. I've actually been looking forward to this all morning" she admitted shyly.

"You've been looking forward to it?" he asked in skeptically.

"Yes. Well mostly" she confessed, "I'm looking forward to getting back to being myself again. The whole exercise and pain not so much, but the end result will be worth it"

"You know I think you're the only person I know who could see it that way. In my experience physical therapy has always been-"

"Ms Katherine Beckett?" a male voice called, interrupting Castle mid-sentence.

"That's me" Kate replied, whipping her head around to see an older man dressed in blue gym pants and a white polo shirt, standing in the doorway holding a thin file. She stood up, clasping her bag in her hands, it only contained her phone but somehow it felt normal to take a bag with her when she left the loft. "Are you coming Rick?" she asked nervously.

"If you want me to" Castle asked and watched Kate nod eagerly in response.

The two followed the man into the therapy room. It was lines with exam tables on one side with curtains around and exercise machines, mats and other equipment on the other side. They were led into one of the cubicles and offered a seat as the man drew the curtain around them and sat opposite them, holding her file and a clipboard in his hands.

"Good morning Kate, my name is Alex and I'm going to be working with you, it's nice to meet you" he greeted, reaching out to shake her hand.

"It's nice to meet you too" she replied. "This is Richard Castle, he is um. He is a friend"

"Mr Castle, nice to meet you" Alex offered, shaking his hand as well.

"Likewise" Castle smiled, setting them all at ease.

"So Kate I've had a quick read through your file. I understand your case is a sensitive one, and all I know is that it has been suggested that we work on building your muscle tone up and working on your balance?"

"Um-hum" Kate nodded in agreement

"OK, well can you tell me how you sustained the injury, it says that you went for a prolonged period without the full use of your arms or legs, this kind of injury usually relates to when a person is recovering from a broken bone, but I didn't see one mentioned in you file?"

'_No you won't because I spent nine months chained to a_ bed' Kate thought, luckily she didn't verbalize it and instead settled with, "it's a long story. I was, um, ill for a while and needed to be, um, looked after"

"Right" Alex agreed, but the disbelief in his face was evident, "well today will mostly be about testing your muscle strength as it is now and working out where we need to go from there. We will put an action plan in place and work out how regularly you will need to attend sessions here"

"So will we do some exercises today?" Kate asked hopefully.

"Some small ones yes, but not for too long. Think of today as trying out lots of exercises and seeing which one works best for you"

At his words Kate's face dropped, she wasn't expecting to be running marathons anytime soon, but she at least expected to do some form of exercise that would tire her out today, at least she would go home feeling that she had achieved something. The therapist must have noticed because he tilted his head to look at her and slid his pen from his fingers to the hold on the clipboard.

"Kate?" he asked, and she looked up at him, "I understand you want to get better, and looking at you, you seem the type to want that to happen right away. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that it doesn't work that way. What we do now will benefit you in the future, it is no good putting you on a treadmill and asking you to run when after one minute your legs collapse beneath you. What may seem tedious now, won't be in a months' time." he explained, smiling sympathetically at her. He had seen people like Kate before, people who would push themselves to the brink of passing out or even passing out in some cases in order to force their bodies to be healthy again, but the reality was that these people were usually the ones who ended up pushing back their recovery.

"I understand" Kate sighed. The feeling of excitement and nerves that she had felt all morning had now been replaced with utter disappointment at the lack of physical activity she would be doing today.

"Great well, if you want to hop up onto the table and we can test your joins just to test your flexibility and then we will move onto your muscle strength. Would you like Mr Castle to stay?" Alex asked.

Kate looked to Rick, unsure of how to answer. She wanted him to stay, for some reason she felt safer when he was around, especially when she was with a stranger, but then again there was no real reason for him to be there. Kate had always been independent, as soon as she was old enough to do something by herself she would ban her parents from helping her, claiming that she was 'old enough to do it herself', even if it was a simple thing such as going to the store to buy groceries, as soon as she turned 13 she went by herself, feeling extremely independent and grown up. However, right now she felt like she needed someone, like the time her father had carried her inside the house after she fell off her bike and grazed her knee. Right now she needed someone to carry her through this and be with her, even if that meant standing behind the curtain, just so she knew he was there.

"I can wait outside the curtain if you want Kate, or in the waiting room, or I can come back in an hour when you are done, whichever is easiest for you?" he rambled, it was as if he could read her like a book.

"Would you stand outside the curtain please?" Kate asked cautiously. She still found it hard to ask for anything, as if she felt she had no right to be asking for something that may calm her and keep her grounded.

"Of course. Let me know if you need anything" Castle replied before stepping outside and drawing the curtain around the cubical.

Kate watched as he left until only his shadow remained on the other side of the curtain. Once she was sure that he would stay there she glanced over to Alex who had moved his chair to the side and looked ready to begin the session. He asked her to remove her shoes and socks and lie down on the exam table. Kate complied, feeling the smooth leather under her skin as she tried to calm her body down, she wanted this, she needed this, but she had to find a way to settle herself.

"Can you um" Kate began, catching Alex's attention, "can you tell me what you're going to do before you do it? Please?"

"Sure, I'm going to start with your feet, so flexing and rotating, then the same with your knees and hips and up to your arms. If at any time you feel any pain or want to stop let me know"

Kate nodded. She'd never been for physio before so was unsure what to expect when he began rotating her left ankle and then her right, bending it forward and then pushing it back, having her press against his palm as hard as she could whilst he pushed against her. The same with her knees, although they were a little stronger, she was able to push against his hand more firmly, showing she had slightly more control over her legs than she originally thought. Endless days of lying on a mattress staring at the ceiling had definitely taken its toll on her muscles and it was only now when he was asking her to use all the strength she had to push against him that she realised just how weak her body had become.

"How does that feel?" Alex asked holding her foot to open palm and asking her to push against him once again.

"Um" her voice was strained, she wasn't about to tell him that she felt like if she carried on she wasn't going to be able to walk home, "it aches slightly" she admitted.

"OK, on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst, how bad?"

'_Eight!'_ Her mind screamed, but she replied, "Like four maybe?"

"That means eight" Castle said from the other side of the curtain, she'd almost forgotten he was there until his little outburst.

"Sure it's a four Kate?" Alex asked again and the look in his eyes told her that it would not help her to lie.

"Maybe it's a six" she said through gritted teeth, she might have been in pain, but she wasn't about to let Castle be right.

"OK, well it seems that you have some muscle wastage on your left foot, more so than on your right, but we will do some more exercises just to confirm and set exercises for you to do accordingly. Now if you sit up we can have a look at your arms"

Kate did as she was told and pushed herself into a sitting position. For some reason the mention of his looking at her arms worried her more than her legs. Her arms showed the scars of abuse she had suffered, the small white lines around her wrist from the handcuffs and the chunk of skin that was missing from her upper arm where she had been flung into the door frame after refusing to use the bathroom with Owen standing guard at the door.

Alex manipulated each of her joints, staring with her fingers, then her wrists, up to her elbows and finally her shoulders. Once again asking her to push against him to test her strength, if he saw the scars he didn't mention them and Kate couldn't be more thankful. She wanted this to be the start of her healing, not reliving her past.

They moved on to testing the strength in her muscles as Alex asked her to stand facing the wall, pull one foot back and feel the stretch in whatever muscle was left in her thin legs. She tried, she honestly did, but it wasn't long before she felt the fatigue set in and she had to ask for a break. To say she was annoyed at herself was an understatement, she had every intention of continuing and forcing her body to follow her commands, but it wasn't responding the way she wanted. Alex pulled her chair back over and asked Castle to re-join them before excusing himself to get Kate some water.

"So, how's it going?" Castle asked once Alex was out of earshot.

"You were only stood there Castle, just because you couldn't see me doesn't mean you didn't hear me have to ask for a break"

"And you think that's a bad thing?"

"I just thought I would be able to do more" Kate shrugged.

"Kate it's your first session" he reminded her, "like Alex said, you need to give it time. Has he given you any exercises to do at the loft yet?"

"Not yet" Kate shook her head.

Castle nodded, taking in the silence that surrounded them. He could tell she was upset, it was written all over her face. He so desperately wanted to help her, to remind her to stay positive, that this was only temporary and that given time she would heal. But then again, he didn't want to make promises that he couldn't keep.

Alex returned with a plastic beaker of water for Kate and what looked like an over sized red elastic band. He sat himself down and passed Kate the water, greeting Castle as he did so.

"So, after that tell me honestly how you are feeling?" he asked Kate as she drank half of the water, quenching her thirst she didn't realized she had built up.

"A little achy, my arms and legs feel like they have been exercising for hours"

"That's normal, but you don't feel light headed or sick?"

"No, nothing like that" Kate confirmed.

"Good, that's what we like to hear. So I thought we could take a break and discuss what exercises you can do at home and then schedule another session for the same time next week"

"Are we not going to continue now?" Kate asked hopefully.

"Not today. I don't want you to push yourself too hard." He paused, waiting for Kate's reaction, if she had been in this situation a year ago she would have demanded that they continue until she said she had had enough, but now her fight was gone. She hadn't argued back in a long time and instead simply nodded her head in understanding.

"Kate I know this isn't what you want" Castle said, wanting so badly to reach out and take her hand to reassure her that he was there for her. "But we can still do some exercises at the loft, and I will help you, it's not like you are giving up" he reminded her.

"It would be a great help if Mr Castle was to help you with the exercises, that way you can both see the progress you are making" Alex added.

"OK" Kate sighed, "What do I need to do?"

Alex explained what stretches she needed to do in order to tone her muscles, how many times and for how long each day. He explained that by using the rubber band it would support her muscles but would also challenge her and make the stretches harder to complete. They talked about light exercise; swimming, walking and possibly cycling if possible, no running or weightlifting and only for short amounts of time to begin with until she felt more confident. Alex instructed Castle on how to support Kate and help her complete her daily tasks and advised them on building them into her daily routine in order to make it seem less invasive of her life. If it became a part of her every day routine, then there was less chance of her feeling that it was taking over her life.

After taking some leaflets and booking the next appointment they left the therapy department and made their way to the car. It didn't take long for Castle to notice that Beckett was tired, she leaned against the door the entire ride home, letting her eyes fall shut about half way there as the cool breeze from air conditioning cooled the sweat along her brow. The session had really taken it out of her, more so that either of them had originally intended. Castle hadn't seen her like this before, or if she had felt like this, she hadn't let on to him. She had bottled it up just like she had done with the rest of her feelings.

They pulled up at the loft a little after one and Rick wasn't surprised to find Kate still sleeping in the passenger seat. He felt bad for having to wake her, he knew she didn't sleep properly and daytime naps were not uncommon for her. He whispered her name softly, hoping to draw her gently from her slumber without startling her. She didn't stir. He moved his hand to her upper arm and nudged her slightly calling out her name once again, this this louder with every intention of waking her.

Her body jumped in response and curled in on itself, her hands grasping at the door as her mind caught up with exactly where she was. Castle waited until she had settled and her grip on the door relaxed. They didn't speak about it but her eyes told him everything he needed to know, she was afraid. Afraid of being woken in such an abrupt way, scared of being in a locked car or scared of him, he didn't know yet, but he prayed it wasn't him.

Once in the apartment Kate made her way to the bathroom, feeling deflated at her lack of evident progress. She tore her clothes off her body and flung them on the floor before stepping into the shower. She was angry with herself, she wanted to do more, she expected to do more and it just wasn't happening. She wanted to run, or to lift weights, anything to feel her muscles ache and the sweat pear on her forehead. She wanted to finally feel like she had achieved something.

Castle had mentioned to her that he needed to go to the precinct that afternoon to see how the case was going. She still hadn't asked about her mother, it was too much too soon for her and after the morning she had endured she simply wanted to crawl back under her duvet with a good book for a few hours and forget everything that was real and live in the imaginary, just for a little while.

The precinct was as busy as it usually was, murder boards lined up with detectives filing new evidence as he walked past, holding three carefully balanced take away coffees for him and his team. As much as he had enjoyed the amount of time he had spent at the loft he knew he needed to be back at work. He'd felt bad about leaving Kate alone and had made sure the front door was locked and she knew where the key was. He felt like an overprotective father telling her not to open it unless she knew exactly who it and informing the desk manager that he should call if she left the building. He wasn't being over protective because he didn't want her to leave, he knew it was good for her to get out of the house, but as long as one of her captors was still on the run, he wasn't about to take any chances.

"Hey, look who decided to show up" Esposito commented from his desk as Castle came into sight.

"Hey guys" Castle responded, his usual upbeat tone gone and replaced with exhaustion that he didn't realise had affected him.

"Hey" Ryan greeted, walking from the break room to join the trio, "how's Kate holding up?" he asked.

"She's - handling things. Some things better than others. She went for physical therapy this morning"

"That's good" Ryan commented, but the look on Castle's face told him that is wasn't _good_.

"It was tough. She wants to do more than what her body is capable of right now. But she's working on it and that's all that matter right now. She's doing what she can to move on and we need to help her by finding Jonathan Landers and putting him away from kidnap and murder, so catch me up" Castle waited for their response, but he could tell by their faces that it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Man's a ghost." Espo stated, grabbing a file from his desk. "The only thing we have on record for him was an assault charge on some man named Jason Buxton four years ago. Apparently he and his younger brother Owen assaulted him but the charge was dropped."

"Any other family member?"

"Nope just him and his brother. Parents are dead and his sister passed away four years ago"

"He had a sister"

"Miss Lucy Buxton" Ryan added, handing Castle a photo of a young woman with brown wavy hair and large brown eyes.

"What happened to her?"

"Cause of death was unknown"

Castle sighed, although this was more information it was nowhere near enough to help them find Jonathan.

"However" Ryan added, forcing Castle to look away from the image of the girl and towards the other detective. "I did a bit of digging into Johanna Beckett, do you remember when we said she began closing all her cases or passing them off to other lawyer?"

"Yeah, her daughter was missing, it was hardly surprising that she would want to focus on that."

"I know, but there was one case that seemed a little off. Just two weeks before Kate was kidnapped, Johanna Beckett received a letter from a Mr Joe Pulgatti, he claimed that he had been framed for the murder of Bob Armen and wanted Johanna Beckett to investigate and prove he was innocent."

"Ok, but what does that have to do with Kate's kidnapping?"

"Well apparently Johanna was all for helping this guy until one day she received a letter from an unknown person telling her that unless she closed the case and stopped investigating then her daughter would be killed"

"So this was a ransom. Not for money but to keep whoever the real killed was from being found out" Castle exclaimed, standing from his chair and grasping at Johanna Beckett's file. "We need to find out who sent that letter"

"We tried" Espo said, drawing Castle's attention away from the file. "That letter was squeaky clean. Whoever did this, is more than just some random guys off the street"

"Kate said they were professional."

"Yeah these were no amateurs" Ryan added.

"Ok, so we know more now. We know that whoever kidnapped Kate needed Johanna Beckett to stop investigating, so they blackmailed her in order to stop her. Did she close the case?"

"She tried, and Mr Pulgatti was insistent, sending letter after letter to her to try and get her to investigate"

"Why didn't she pass it onto someone else?" Castle asked.

"The letter was explicitly clear. No one is to investigate and that file was to be buried. If it ever came back into play she would lose her daughter"

"That and it wasn't in her nature" Ryan added, "she fought for justice, I spoke with some of her former colleagues and they said she wanted justice for all, they said it would take a lot to stop her."

"Did they know about the kidnapping?"

"Not at the time."

Castle sighed, settling himself back down in her chair.

"We have more now. We have something to work with. Ryan try and find out everything you can about Joe Pulgatti's case, see if there is anything strange. Esposito you look into the sister, I want to know more about what caused her death, and maybe it has something to do with why these men were involved in Kate's kidnapping"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to talk to the captain. See if she will allow Kate and me to go back to the crime scene."

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**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you thought and thank you for all your reviews, follows and favorites on this story!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

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Pulling on her sleeve for the tenth time that morning, she attempted to swallow the nerves that were bubbling from her chest. Her dad her texted her to confirm that he would be coming, two hours ago yet it still hadn't sunk in that in less than ten minutes he would be standing next to her. She wondered if he had changed at all, if he still had a thin stern face that he would use to intimidate his opponents, but would turn into a soft smile as soon as he came home. If the hair around his temples was still slowly turning grey each day? Or if he felt the same when he hugged her? She loved having a hug from her dad, it was like he could wrap her up and protect her from the world. She missed him, and as much as she was angry and confused about exactly what he had been doing for the past nine months, and as much as she needed answers, a hug from her dad couldn't go wrong right now.

She had considered calling him, telling him that maybe she wasn't ready. A part of her was still angry at her father for what he had done, or more specifically what he hadn't done. Nine months she had been gone. Nine long months of hoping that one day she would see her parents again. She'd imagined it too many times, the police rushing in, setting her free and she would run into her parents arms as they told her that it was finally over, that they had found her and that she was safe. She imagined how they would take her home and her mother would draw her a hot bath as her dad cooked a huge family meal before she would snuggle down in her own bed with her mom and dad each telling her stories to send her to sleep. Every time she had been upset when she was younger and they had done that, they were a family unit who looked after one another. Not a day passed when they didn't have breakfast together and spend time discussing trivial things and laughing about how Aunt Theresa was still attempting to find herself a boyfriend that would stick around for more than a month. It was all harmless of course, a morning giggle as they each waited for their day to really begin. It wasn't as if she blamed her parents for what happened. There was no way of knowing that she was in danger, but they were lawyers, and good ones at that but, the fact that they had done nothing to help her when she needed them the most saddened her more than anything. She wanted nothing more than to love her parents again, but was she ready to forgive them and move past this yet? She really didn't know.

Castle was with her, currently sitting on the chair across the room leaving the couch free for the family reunion that he expected would take some time. Kate had asked him to stay, once again feeling better that he was around. He didn't even have to speak, or even acknowledge that her father was there, but she wanted him to sit and be there none the less. His presence was like an anchor holding her still on choppy waters or in this case, anchoring her to the real world and not the scenarios and worst case situations she made up in her head. He made her feel safe and reminded her that she was no longer trapped and she no longer needed to be afraid.

The buzzer signalling that someone had arrived at the loft made Kate jump in her seat and her eyes instantly fell to Castle. Silently begging him to answer the door instead of her and save her from the pending awkward moment of stillness that was sure to follow as soon as she cast her eyes on her dad. She wanted to see him, she really did, but she was nowhere near ready to deal with the consequences of that meeting.

The sounds of Castle greeting her dad at the door drew her out of her trance but she didn't turn around. She hadn't heard his voice yet, it wouldn't be real until she heard his voice.

"Detective Castle" Jim replied, his voice laced with sleep and nerves. "Is she, here?"

At the sound of his voice the tension she had been holding inside of her snapped and her eyes began to sting, letting her know that any minute she could break down crying. He was here. He was really here.

"She's right there" Castle told Jim, inviting him in and closing the door softly. Kate hadn't made any move to turn around, far too scared that she was imagining this and as soon as she turned around he wouldn't be there anymore. "Kate. Your dad's here" Castle said from the other side of the room.

"Katie?" her dad's voice was soft, like he had waited years to ask that question, to see if it was really her sitting across the room from him.

She wanted to turn around. Every fibre in her being wanted to turn around and look her father in the eye. She wanted to see the simple things, like if he was still wearing the same trench coat that he always wore to work, or if he still had the same glasses and wore the same shoes that he always wore when they went out for family meals or special events. She sucked in her bottom lip, her teeth creasing her bottom lip as she bit back the tears.

Taking a shuddering breath she closed her eyes, twisting her torso towards the door and lifting her head over her shoulder she slowly opened her eyes. Her heart swelled at the sight of him, he was there, and he had come to her rescue. She froze for a moment, unable to fully comprehend what was happening, for so long she had dreamed of seeing him again, running into his arms as he told her it was all over and that everything was going to be ok.

"Why don't you go and sit down" Castle whispered to Jim, reaching out his arm to invite him further into the loft sensing that neither one of the rooms other two occupants would move for a while as they were in shock at seeing each other after months of separation.

Jim nodded mutely and slowly took a step further into the loft. He was weak, she could tell by the way he was stooped over slightly, clutching a small bag in his hands as he made his way over to the couch. Kate's eyes followed him eagerly, never drifting away from him as he sat down on the opposite side of the couch, leaving a good space between them.

"I. Katie" Jim sighed, "I've missed you so much"

"I missed you too dad" she couldn't hold back the tears any longer as they slipped down her cheeks.

Kate quickly reached across the couch and wrapped her arms around her dad's shoulders, embracing him in a hug she had longed to give him. Though hesitant at first, a feeling of being wrapped in her father's arms again soon calmed her . She could tell her dad was cautious, not hugging her back like he usually would, afraid that if he did he would hurt her. She clung onto him harder, pressing into him and remembering all the reasons why she loved her dad.

"You're really here" she mumbled into his jacket.

"I'm so sorry Kate" he apologized.

"I thought I'd never see you again"

"I thought I'd lost you forever" he was crying himself now, all thoughts of remaining strong her his daughter's sake were gone and replaced with the unconditional need to know that she was completely safe.

She was the first to pull away from the hug, swiping at her tears to steady herself again. Finally taking a proper look at the man sat opposite her. He looked almost as broken as she did, the difference being she wanted answers from him, whereas he was just happy to see her again.

"How are you?" he asked cautiously, seeing her grimace at the question, "sorry that was a stupid thing to ask" he chastised. "What I meant to ask was, well…" he sighed unable to find the words, "you'd think after all the scenarios I imagined seeing you again I would know what to say"

"I thought about seeing you everyday. Everyday I wanted you to walk through the door and find me. But you never did"

"We tried Katie, believe me, we did everything we could."

"Then why didn't you find me? Why didn't you pay the ransom?"

"Katie there was no ransom. What they wanted couldn't be paid with money"

"What did they want then?"

"It was to do with your mother. They wanted her to close her cases and stop working on them. She did, but then…" Jim looked to Castle, unsure if his daughter was aware what had happened to her mother. Castle nodded solemnly and Jim turned back to his daughter. "When your mother was killed, there was nothing more I could do. I received a message saying that we had failed and that we would never see you again." His tears returned as he pulled a well-used handkerchief out of his pocked. "I thought you were dead Kate, I'm so sorry."

"So you stopped looking for me?" she asked in disbelief.

"I thought I had lost you and your mother."

"So you just stopped looking?"

"Not at first. I tried to find out who these people were, I tried to follow the message they sent me, but it led nowhere. There was nothing else I could do. I never expected the call, I had resigned myself to believing that I had let both you and your mother down."s

"I always thought you would be there for me"

"I'm so sorry honey. I should have been. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish it was me they had taken instead of you"

"But it wasn't you they took, it was me."

"Katie I…"

"No" she interrupted. "No you can't sit there and tell me how sorry you are because you don't know what it was like" she exclaimed.

"Katie I can't know…"

"You're right you can't. You don't know what it feels like to think that every day is going to be your last. To wake up and not know what day or time it is and pray that someone will come in because you can't remember the last time you ate or drank anything and you're scared your body will shut down. No you don't know, so please don't try and pretend you do"

Jim looked awkwardly to Castle after Kate's small outburst. He expected her to be angry and had prepared for such in the best way he could.

"Maybe I should go" he sighed.

"And now you want to leave?" she whispered, the angry tones in her voice replaced by disbelief that he would walk out on her.

"I thought it might be best" he offered.

"Dad, I might be angry, but walking away is not going to help"

"Then tell me what I can do. I'll do anything to make this better"

"I don't know. I want you to be my dad again, but I'm so angry" she admitted.

"I know. You know you're just like your mother", he smiles slightly at the memory, but sees Kate confusion and resistance as he mentions her mother. Still unable to accept that she is gone forever it remains a sensitive topic. "We would argue and I would be the one to ask what I could do to make it better. I think the truth was I just wanted her to be happy. She was right, your mother. She would tell me that it was ok for her to be angry, and not want to speak to me, because it showed that she didn't really want to argue but she still cared enough to get mad. It's when you stop getting mad and stop feeling angry when you should worry, because it means that you have resigned yourself and you no longer care. Sure, she would be angry for a while, but then we would talk again, once the anger had gone."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that right now you're angry, and you have every right to be. So, why don't I go now and come round next week and we can talk some more."

"I feel like you're trying to run away"

"I don't want to lose you Katie, you're my little girl and you always will be. And I will be here for you for as long as you need me. I just don't want to argue with you."

"Then let's not. Stay. Just for a little while, Rick makes great coffee"

Three hours later Kate was curled up in bed again. The talk with her dad had been steady after their initial meeting. Mostly they talked about how she was and how Castle had been looking after her. Castle had explained everything they had found out so far about the case and Kate had talked about her physical therapy sessions that she was looking forward to increasing. As much as she had enjoyed the talk, it had worn her out. She still found it difficult to completely consume herself in a task that took so much concentration for too long without feeling the fatigue begin to set in.

Castle was downstairs working in his office when he got the call. He'd been sat for almost an hour on the case notes Ryan had e-mailed him, but after reading the same sentences over and over it was beginning to become mind-numbing and the words were starting to jump up and swim around making him dizzy. With limited facts, lack of hard evidence and the main suspect still on the loose somewhere the case seemed to be going round in circles. If history repeated, it would continue until it finally ran out of steam and he would be forced to stop investigating and file this away as a cold case. Although this case was yet to be solved, murderers took no notice of that and kept on killing forcing them to solve those cases as well. It was unfair but it was just how things worked with the interest of one being sacrificed for the interest of many.

Ryan's number lighting up his phone screen drew him from his weary thoughts as he scrubbed a hand over his face and thumbed the screen to answer the call.

"Castle" he answered "What? You're sure about that?" Castle asked on the phone, "and it was definitely his card?" he finally sat up straight, grabbing a pen from his desk and writing down the information Ryan was giving him as fast as he could. "Ryan this is great. Ok, send a unit to that shop, get a description and see if we can put a trace on the card, if he used it once he might use it again. Ryan this might be the break we need. Let me know as soon as you hear something." Ending the call he scribbled down the additional information Ryan had conveyed.

Jonathan Landers's card had been used in the city, a drug store, probably to buy something to help with his shoulder injury. It was the lead they had been waiting for, he was on the move and out of hiding.

Kate! Was he coming for her? It had only been two weeks since they had rescued her, surely he wouldn't risk coming to find her so soon unless he thought that she was unprotected and vulnerable. Then now would be the perfect time to finish the job he was paid to do.

Castle wanted to tell her, he wanted her to be kept in the loop throughout the investigation, but telling her could push her recovery back, it could undo all that she had achieved in such a short amount of time. He battled with himself, convinced that by not telling her he was doing the right thing. He convinced himself he was saving her from the nightmares that would be sure to follow if she knew that one of her captors was loose in the city. She had physical therapy again in the morning, she had been looking forward to it all week. Every day she had done the exercises the hospital had taught her. Without fail every morning and night she was doing the daily routine. It was obvious that she was tiring herself out with the required stretches and movements that would push her body and make her weak for an hour after she had finished. He'd already warned her once about overdoing it, but it had fallen on deaf ears. If she was so determined to get physically well again without the knowledge that one of her captors was running loose in the city, he didn't want to imagine what she would be like if she knew the truth.

No, he wouldn't tell her. Not yet, not until they knew something more. If the description the shop owners gave matched that of Jonathan Landers then he would tell her, but there was no point in scaring her, if it turned out it wasn't him.

He would tell himself that until later that evening, when the call came to confirm it was indeed Jonathan Landers that had used the card. He was out and he was back in the city.

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**Once again thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know your thoughts, I love hearing what my readers think and what they think might happen! Thank you to everyone who read, added this to their favorites, followed and reviewed so far, it means so much that people are enjoying what I write.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

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"I don't exactly need to go back to the house, it's not like I'm going to forget what happened any time soon" Kate stated.

She and Dr Burke had been discussing going back to the house for almost forty minutes. She had long abandoned the comfort of the leather chair and instead had decided to pace back and forth, ignoring the shooting pain that shot through her shin as she did so. Her ankles still weren't as strong as they were previously and after the effort she'd put into her physio session earlier that morning, it was no wonder that her joints were screaming at her to slow down.

"I don't think Detective Castle thinks you are going to forget"

"But He says that it will help me remember things, but how can I remember things if I haven't forgotten anything"

"Maybe you haven't forgotten. But maybe there is a part of you doesn't want to remember certain details because it is too traumatic for you to handle right now" Dr Burke offered again. He had phrased the same sentence numerous times throughout their session, beginning by offering it gently to her, easing her into acceptance of the fact. However when that seemed lost on her he had eventually decided on a more direct approach.

Kate looked quizzically at the Doctor. She liked him and in a strange way looked forward to their sessions. He was able to clear up any doubts or worries she had about being an inconvenience to Castle, he was there to talk about how she could rebuild her relationship with her father and he listened to her describe the nightmares that had been taunting her for the past few nights. However this, talking about something that was sure to bring all the nightmares to the surface once more, was a lot more difficult to deal with.

"Would you do it?" she asked, turning purposely to face the Doctor, who remained seated in his chair looking as calm as ever.

"Kate, you know I can't answer that."

"No I'm serious" she continued, lowering herself back down onto her chair. "If you were me, do you think it would help?"

"I think that it will help to solve the case, which in turn may help you deal with the aftermath of what you have experienced."

Kate sighed. It wasn't the answer she was hoping for.

"What if the nightmares come back?" she asked, her voice dropping to a meek whisper, like she was afraid that the demons that haunted her in her sleep would hear her and know that she was vulnerable to them.

"Then you will deal with them. You said it helps to read?"

"Sometimes" Kate agreed. "My physio tends to help as well, it takes my mind off the nightmares."

"How often are you doing your physio?"

"As often as I can. In the morning and at night at least, sometimes three times during the day. If I wake up in the night I do some then. It tires me out and then when I get to sleep again I don't have any dream because I'm too tired."

"You're taking care of yourself though? You're not overdoing things?" her therapist asked concerned that she was pushing herself too hard. Listening to the way Kate answered most of the questions, he knew that she was determined yet stubborn and he did not want that stubbornness to delay her healing.

"No. No, I'm fine, I'm handling it" she affirmed, slightly taken back by the boldness of Dr Burke's comment.

"So how are things with you and Rick?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you said earlier that you prefer it when he is around?"

"I feel safer" she shrugged.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I'm not sure." She said truthfully.

"You said when they found you" Dr Burke began and saw Kate instantly tense. "In the bathroom, you wouldn't let anyone else but Detective Castle inside"

"He promised to leave his gun outside" she remembered, "none of the other officers said they would do that" she clarified.

"So you felt safer letting him in because he didn't have a weapon?"

"I guess."

She hadn't thought about it too much, the other officers were a blur to her and she only vaguely remembered Castle coming inside to get her out. The ambulance ride had been lost on her and it was only when she was sat in the hospital bed that she actually realized that she was no longer in that house.

"He's been taking care of me, and I think we have grown closer. I trust him a lot more now." She smiled.

"Do you trust him enough to trust his judgment about returning to the crime scene?"

"He thinks it will help. I'm not too sure"

"Well you should do whatever you think is best. Has there been any more progress on the case?"

"Not that I know of. They were looking into the other man but at the moment they can't find anything useful to give them more leads"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"It scares me. It shouldn't, but he could still be out there, he could be watching me right now and we wouldn't even know about it."

"Maybe going back might not be such a bad idea to consider then. If you do return to the crime scene, you might see something that will help"

"You keep calling it the crime scene. Like I didn't spend over a half a year there"

"I find that by giving a place a name, you give it power. If you think of it as a prison, then that is how it will always feel to you. If you think of it as a crime scene, it is something in the past, it is a place that you control and can leave anytime you wish. You're claiming back your power while acknowledging what happened to you. "

She considered him for a moment. A part of what he had said made sense. She had always seen that place as a prison, her bedroom like a cage and her the wild animal they were trying to contain. If she viewed it like a crime scene, if she saw what Castle saw, then maybe it wouldn't be too hard to return there after all.

After thanking Dr Burke and scheduling another appointment for a weeks' time, she left the office building and made her way to the car park where Castle was waiting. Once again, the drive back was quiet, each thinking up questions to ask but never quite finding the words. Kate thought about what Dr Burke had said, about her being able to leave the house any time she wished. She would be able to walk out of there any time she chose to.

She glanced at Castle whose eyes remained glued to the road. He was sat rigid in his seat, the lines on his forehead showing that he was deep in thought as his hands gripped the steering wheel with slightly more force than necessary. She didn't question him, she hated bothering him whilst he was working and when he looked as focused as he did now she felt rude asking him if something was wrong.

It was when they arrived back at the loft that she knew something was wrong. Castle was acting strange around her all evening. Never leaving her side for too long and repeatedly asking how her session with Burke went. It was only when she excused herself to her room before dinner that she finally got time to think by herself.

She stood facing the bedroom wall and began working through her stretching routine. Stretching each muscle for thirty seconds, repeating five times; the hospital had told her three, but she knew she could do more. Next were wall squats, they had told her to do as many as she could but she must stop immediately as soon as she felt any pain. She didn't. Instead she pushed through and made sure to do at least twenty, at that point her legs were shaking so much she slipped down the wall and onto the carpet.

Next up were sit ups. She hooked her toes underneath the bed and worked her way through forty sit ups. Her stomach muscles screamed in protest and her back stung with pain. She paused every so often to make sure that she wasn't pulling the marks on her back. They had been healing well, especially since she started letting Castle help her apply the cream each night before she went to bed and for the first time she was actually beginning to see a difference, she wasn't about to risk that now. The hospital hadn't told her to do sit ups, in fact she was sure if they found out exactly how much she had been pushing her body they wouldn't be very impressed with her. But she wanted to be stronger, she needed to feel like she could defend herself and this was the only way she saw fit.

Castle calling from downstairs interrupted her, to tell her that dinner was on the table, interrupting her workout. She reluctantly pulled her feet from under the bed and slowly pushed herself into a standing position. The blood rushed to her head and her vision began to blur at the sudden movement. She gripped the sides of the bed, steadying herself as she closed her eyes and waited for it to pass. It wasn't uncommon for this happened, in fact it had been happening ever since she had started doing more vigorous exercise. She brushed it off assuming she had just forgot to eat lunch and then did too much during the day that her body was telling her to slow down.

The clash of thunder outside startled her, making her jump and fall slightly onto the bed. Once she felt steady enough she stood up again, peering out of the window to see the rain was now crashing down against the windows before trickling down the glass like tear drops.

She made her way back downstairs, her legs still slightly shaking, forcing her to grip the banister harder and take cautious steps. She prayed Castle wouldn't notice. Luckily his back was turned as he was grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge. Kate settled herself at the table, staring at the overflowing plate of Spaghetti Bolognese. She liked pasta, but Castle had been making lots of pasta dishes recently, something about them being full of carbs and protein to help keep her strength up. She wasn't too keen though, the pasta made her sluggish and would force her to cut her evening workout shorter. Instead she pushed around the spaghetti and ate as much as of the meat as she could before declaring that she was full.

"So it went well with Dr Burke today then?" Castle asked, although she had already told him that twice today already.

"Yeah. It was good"

"Did you talk about the case?" Castle asked tentatively.

"A bit. We talked about going back to the crime scene"

Castle nodded slowly.

"Did you come to a conclusion?" he asked slowly.

"Maybe. We talked about seeing it as a crime scene. That way it won't mean as much to me."

"That's a good way of looking at it" Castle said, shoveling a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth.

"If we did go. Would you give me the key?"

"Um well, yes if that would make you feel better. I think there are still officers stationed there in case…" he stopped, he'd blown it and now there was no way he couldn't not tell her about the card.

"In case what?"

"Kate, I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to not panic, ok?"

"Castle what's going on?" she demanded.

"Jonathan Landers bank card was used in the city yesterday, so officers are stationed at the crime scene in case he returns to it."

"He's in the city?" Kate asked.

"We don't know. Someone might have used his card, or it could be him. We haven't managed to track him down, the card hasn't been used since, but we're looking through CCTV to get an image of him and get it circulated. It's only a matter of time"

"A matter of time until what?" Kate exclaimed, rising from her chair making Castle put down his fork and move to go after her.

"Kate please, come and sit down" he begged, offering a hand out to her as if to stop her from spiraling out of control.

"He could be in the city and you didn't think to tell me. His card was used yesterday, we've been out today he could have seen me, and now he could know where I live"

"He doesn't"

"How do you know?"

"Because Kate I won't let him find you again"

"How can you be so sure of that? What exactly are you doing on this case Rick, because from where I'm standing it's not enough?"

"Kate we're doing everything we can, but we need your help" he pleaded. "Please Kate, we need more to go on"

"I can't be here right now" she whispered, her voice filled with mistrust and fear as she made her way towards the front door.

"Kate wait" Castle called after her.

"Stay away from me" Kate shouted, before leaving the loft and slamming the door behind her.

Damn it, he was an idiot. He shouldn't have kept it from her, he should have been straight with her from the start, at least if he had maybe he would have more ground to stand on when she upped and left.

He wanted to chase after her, tell her how sorry he was and that he was only doing it to protect her. it was the truth, all he wanted to do was solve the case and give her the life that she had been missing for so long. He was a detective, it was what he did best. Kate's outburst rang in his ears; _'what exactly are you doing on this case?', _he knew she was right, he had been neglecting his work at the precinct somewhat since she had moved in with him, but he hated leaving her on her own. She was getting stronger and more confident with each day that passed. The way she moved around the loft at her own pace, rather than watching where he was in comparison to her, and checking that he wasn't watching or judging her every move showed that she was more relaxed around him. Truth be told, he had enjoyed spending time at the loft with her and taking her to her appointments. It gave him chance to get to know her, and to make sure that she was safe.

Thinking about it now he wished he had told her about the bank card as soon as they had found out it had been used. She might have been able to help in some way, maybe she overheard them talk about a place they knew of or a friend they had in the area where the card was used. Instead he had kept in from her thinking he was protecting her, when in reality he could have made the situation much worse.

Since moving into the loft, Castle had relied on Kate to trust him, to trust that he was kind and would take care of her, that he wasn't like the men that had kept her prisoner and that there were still people out there who wanted to look after her. So far she had trusted him more than he expected. At first she was nervous, always watching what he was doing and asking him before she did anything, being extremely polite and forever thanking him for the simplest thing. She had managed to calm that down slightly, watching him less and relaxing around him more, no longer seeking his approval and instead seeking his company. She'd grown to trust him, and now he had blown that trust. She would never trust him again after this, anything he said about the case she would probably want confirmation from someone else, and he worried that around the loft she would become hesitant again and he doubted that she would talk about how her therapy was going with him.

He debated going to find her. He knew she wouldn't go far, probably down to the lobby, if he followed now he would be able to catch up with her. He knew she wouldn't go too far, not in the state she was in and he knew she didn't like going out into the city on her own, especially in the dark. He needed to sort this out, he needed a plan, and he needed a way to make her see that she could trust him again.

Grabbing his coat and another jacket for her just in case he decided to go searching for her. His plan was to bring her back so they could talk, like adults, rather than a cop and a victim. He would answer all her questions, tell her every single detail that he knew about the case if it meant she would come back. He would do anything to make sure that she was safe again.

Kate didn't know where she was going when she left the loft. With only her day clothes and flats on she knew she couldn't go out into the city but she couldn't stay in the loft any longer. The walls felt like they were closing in on her, just like her captor was now. He was coming for her, she knew it and he would find her and when he did she knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill her. She knew too much, too much that she couldn't remember, that she had forced herself to forget in order to get on with her life.

The rain was hitting her face before she realized where her feet had carried her to. The roof. Standing on the roof she felt like nothing could touch her, she was completely free there, no walls surrounding her, no one was telling her information she couldn't handle or pushing her to do things she knew she couldn't deal with. No, on the roof she was free.

The night air was cold and the rain continued to pound down onto the concrete beneath her, soaking through her thin shirt and pants and wetting her uncovered feet. Her hair was drenched within seconds as the water dripped from the ends of the locks and onto the back of her shirt. She didn't care, if felt good to feel something other than fear. She took a deep breath in, feeling the burn in her lungs as she did so, the stitch in her side from her earlier exercise making itself known as she continued to stand in the pouring rain.

She stood there until she couldn't feel her fingers or toes any more. Her chest had started to ache a while back but she had ignored it and forced herself to remain outside longer. It was only when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder that she spun around to come face to face with Rick. His hair was drenched as well but he had had the sense to grab a coat before leaving and luckily had brought one for her too.

"Kate" he shouted, "we need to go back inside" he continued, shouting over the noise of the rain and thunder.

"I don't want to" she replied.

"Kate you're freezing. Please come inside and we can talk. I shouldn't have lied to you. I should have told you everything as soon as I knew. Please come inside and we can talk?"

His blue eyes were staring back at her, pleading with her to see reason and come back inside. She looked down at the coat in his hand, noticing how pale her skin looked in comparison to his as her body finally began to realize how cold it actually was. She stepped closer to him and allowed him to wrap the coat around her and guide her back inside the building.

"Kate what were you thinking?" Castle asked with misplaced fear turning into anger as they made their way to the stairs.

"I just wanted to be free" she explained through chattering teeth as her body started to shiver in his arms.

"Come on, we need to get you in the shower and then into bed"

"You said we would talk" she reminded him.

"We will, first thing tomorrow, we will talk. But right now we need to make sure you don't catch pneumonia."

Like a reluctant child Kate followed Rick to the bathroom. He left her to get showered and make her a hot tea to drink in bed.

The shower warmed her bones, but the sudden change in temperature made her feel even weaker and dizzy. She got out the shower as quickly as she could, wrapping her hair in one towel and her body in another before making her way to the bedroom to get dressed. She usually didn't sleep with a sleep shirt on, but tonight it was far too cold not too. She climbed under the covers and pulled them up high just as Castle came in with a drink for her. He placed in on the bedside table, along with her phone.

"Try and drink that Kate and then get some sleep, you're exhausted. I promise you we will talk in the morning"

Kate nodded wordlessly and pulled the duvet higher up towards her chin, whispering a quiet goodnight to Rick before watching him leave the room.

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**Once again thank you for reading. I love hearing what you think and where you think this story is heading, and thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapters. **

**This chapter is dedicated to CastleFanficMonday.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

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Her bones felt like blocks of ice as she shivered under the covers, curled up in a ball with her cold feet pressed against the back of her legs she lay freezing under the summer duvet. Even though she was now wearing her softest pajamas and had the duvet tucked around her she still felt like she was lying in a bed of ice. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, she tried to pull the duvet closer around her but with the pain in her arms and stomach she just couldn't get comfortable. Her body had been screaming at her for days to not overdo the physical therapy. Rick had noticed as well and he drew out their conversations as if trying to stop her going back to her almost hourly routine of exercises and stretches. She turned her head to the side hoping for some relief, something to just take the pain away. Her phone sat on the bedside table, within her reaching distance. He had told her to call if she needed anything, maybe he could bring her some more painkillers, or something that would help her sleep at least.

She swallowed, and then in the strongest voice she could muster, called "Rick?" she hadn't been loud enough, her voice was too weak, she tried again, straining her vocal cords in the hope that he would hear her. Just as she was reaching for the phone to call him she heard footsteps coming up the stairs faster than usual. She slipped her hand back under the covers to keep it warm as she waited for Rick.

Castle entered the darkened room, dressed in slacks and a soft t-shirt but he looked awake. She presumed he had been working on the case again, the new lead drawing out information as they traced every move Jonathan Landers made. It comforted her to know that someone was looking out for her, that he would spend hours reading over a file to see if he had missed something important that could give them a new lead.

Castle fumbled to the side of the bed in the darkness. He seemed out of breath and on alert, a panicked state that made her nervous and question if he was going to be annoyed at her. As much as she was feeling much more comfortable around him a part of her still desired his approval and wanted to make sure that she wasn't disturbing him whilst he was working.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Castle asked quickly, the panic and distress evident in his voice, making Kate shrink further into the bed.

"Sorry, I, nothing… I" she couldn't seem to find the words, now with him towering over her, it seemed silly to say she called because she was cold.

"Kate?" he said kneeling down so he was on level with her, reaching out his hand to cup her face, he grimaced as her eyes slammed shut and she gasped in fear, her forehead was slick with sweat as he felt her body tremble beneath him. "It's ok Kate it's just me, what's wrong?" Her eyes were still screwed shut as she held her breath, her panicked state more evident than ever. He couldn't tell if she was shaking with fear or because she was cold. He reached out and gently moved her damp hair from across her forehead, wanting to connect with her and remind her that she was safe.

"Kate you're burning up" he said quickly, wanting to pull the covers from her but she clung to them for dear life.

"I'm so cold Castle" she said weakly, her teeth chattering together as she spoke.

"Kate I think you are coming down with something, I'm going to go and run you a bath, just hold on for a moment" he said quickly, forming a plan in his mind.

"I'm freezing Castle" Kate said quietly, she wasn't sure if he heard.

Castle raced to the bathroom and began to fill the tub with tepid water. He remembered from experience that she needed to get out of her clothes, into a lukewarm bath, drink lots of fluids and then get into bed with fresh lines and rest. He left the bath to fill and moved back into the bedroom, once again kneeling down so he was face to face with Kate.

"Kate come on, we need to get you in the bathroom, can you stand?" he tried to speak gently and calmly to her, not wanting to scare her.

"I feel sick" Kate replied weakly as her eyes closed and her mouth opened slightly, a sign Castle took that she was going to be sick any moment now.

"Ok, come on let's get you in the bathroom" Castle continued, pulling back the duvet much to Kate's disappointment and began to lift her into a sitting position. "Kate put your arms around me and you can lean on me" he continued.

Kate tried her best to get out of the bed, feeling Castle strong arms wrap around her to help pull her limp body into a standing position. The blood rushed from her head as her vision began to blur, she dug her nails into Castle arm, leaving half-moon creases in his skin from the amount of pressure she was using to keep herself steady. After needing a few moments to get her balance she was making her way slowly towards the bathroom. Her vision was blurry and she relied on Castle to guide her. She couldn't seem to stop shivering yet at the same time sweat was dripping down her forehead.

Once inside the bathroom Castle sat Kate down on the closed toilet lid and went to check the water temperature. It felt right to him so he turned off the taps and turned his attention back to Kate. She was sat curled in on herself, her knees pressed tightly together and her slim arms wrapped around her middle. Her hair was tied up in a bun, but stray hairs had escaped the elastic and were now sticking to her face. Once again Castle knelt down so he was facing her, stroking her face to move some of the stray hairs.

"Kate we need to get you out of these clothes and into the bath" he said softly, knowing she was scared. He knew her body language, she was panicked and it mirrored the same posture she had when he had first met her. She was like a small child that was lost and afraid, whose only protection was to make themselves as small as possible in an attempt to avoid being seen. "Kate, I know you are scared, but please trust me, I think you have a fever and we need to get it to break. I'll help you into the bath and then go and get you some fresh clothes and sheets. I promise you I will be quick."

Kate looked into his eyes, she could tell he was worried, and she knew he truly wanted to help her. Even though the idea of getting undressed in front of him made her shudder and not in a good way, she knew she needed to get better if she was ever going to get back on her feet. She nodded her head slowly, keeping her eyes fixed on his.

"Ok, let's get you out of these wet clothes" Castle said, talking to her which seemed to make the situation easier and less awkward.

Kate tried to lift her arms to remove her shirt but she couldn't stop her hands from shaking and she couldn't grip the fabric long enough to lift it. Castle placed his hands over hers and gently lifted the top over her head. Kate quickly tried to move her hands to cover herself, but Castle stayed professional, focusing on the task at hand.

"Ok stand up Kate, lean on me, its ok"

Kate tried her best to stand and with some help she managed it. She gripped Castle's shoulders to steady herself.

"Ok, I'm going to take these pants off, just keep hold of my shoulders" he instructed her calmly.

Kate gripped his shoulder harder as Castle pulled down her pajama pants, helping her to step out of them and shuffle towards the bath tub.

"Ok, nice and steady now" Castle said as Kate lifted her leg and put in it the water.

Kate expected the water to be hot so she jumped back in shock when she realized it was barley warm. She was freezing already and now she was naked and freezing and he wanted to put her in a cold bath? Was this some form of torture that he wanted to inflict on her? She pressed her body back against Castle trying to back away from the cold bath.

"No, don't" she moaned.

"Come on Kate, you need to get in, we need to bring your temperature down" Castle said pushing against her and practically lifting her into the bath

"Please, I'm so cold, I can't…" Kate begged, but Castle was persistent and held her there.

"I promise it isn't for long Kate, just until your temperature comes down a bit, you're burning up", he felt terrible, but knew he needed to do this. He knew she wasn't strong enough to stand for too long, so he held her tightly and lowered them both down until she was sitting in the bath and he was kneeling at her side. He stayed there until Kate accepted that she was in the bath and might as well stay there. He relaxed his grip slightly, making sure she could hold herself upright and making sure she wouldn't jump out the moment he left the room. He slowly released his hold on her arms and watched as she curled in on herself wrapping her arms around her knees whilst bringing her knees up to her chest.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she asked weakly, her teeth chattering together. Her mind was swimming with fear, she wanted him to help her, not put her in a freezing cold bath. Maybe she shouldn't have taken off earlier that evening?

He felt terrible, but he knew it was for the best, if only for a few minutes until her temperature was down.

"We need to bring your temperature down Kate, it's only for a few minutes I promise" he explained, but her face was void of any understanding. "Then we will get you back into a nice warm clean bed, ok? I'm going to go and change the sheets, I'll be right back" Castle continued, and stood up to leave the room. She still hadn't looked at him and was staring straight into the water.

Castle went straight to the bedroom and stripped the sheets before throwing them in the laundry pile. He then went to the cupboard and pulled out some fresh bedding and a clean sleep shirt and shorts. He made the bed as fast as he could and turned it down, making his next task just that bit easier. He turned the bedside lamp on, filling the room with a warm glow before grabbing the fresh sleep wear and returning to the bathroom.

Fortunately Kate had remained in the bath. The ends of her hair were wet so it looked like she had made some attempt to wash her shoulders and neck down in an attempt to cool off. When she noticed he was back in the room she jumped slightly and turned to face him. Her eyes were still filled with tears, her arms were still wrapped around her knees and her body remained curled in on itself, but she did look slightly better than she had ten minutes ago.

Castle grabbed a fresh towel and moved towards the bath crouching down so he was on Kate's level again.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked, his voice full of concern, something Kate wasn't used to hearing

"I'm still cold, will you let me out now please?" Kate asked.

The bath had helped a bit, her body had stopped shaking, but she still felt cold. All she wanted to do was sleep. She was exhausted but this man seemed intent on being with her A part of her wished she hadn't called him, but another part of her was glad she did. She found herself thinking about how thankful she was that she wasn't trapped in that prison of a house, thankful that she was eating three decent meals a day and glad that she was with Castle, because right now, there was no one else she would rather be with.

"Yes of course." Castle said standing up again. Castle felt sorry for her, he couldn't help it. Her large brown eyes were still locked with his, begging him to help her out of the bath, or at least not try and keep her in.

Reaching his arms out to Kate he slowly helped her climb out of the tub. Kate quickly covered her shivering body with her hands before Castle wrapped a large fluffy towel around her. Without making a fuss he quickly dried her off and the helped her into the sleep wear before carrying her back to the bed. He covered her in the soft blanket and knelt down next to her, reaching for the glass of water on the bedside table and some medicine.

"Kate, you need to take these, it will bring your temperature down." Castle said.

He watched as Kate weakly opened her mouth, allowing Castle to place the tablet on her tongue and then give her the water.

"Try and get some sleep, you should start to feel better soon" Castle soothed, before beginning to lift from his knees to a standing position when he felt her slim fingers reach out and weakly try to hold his hand.

"Stay" she whispered, "please don't leave me"

Castle thought it must have been her weak state that prompted her saying that, a fleeting moment that he was sure she had truly meant, but something in the way she had asked made him sit back down and make himself comfortable. He didn't want to get into the bed, that seemed too intrusive, but decided instead to keep hold of her hand and stay until she fell asleep.

Even though Castle had intended to leave once she had fallen asleep, his anxiety kept him at her bedside throughout the night. She was restless, whimpering slightly and thrashing across the bed. Every time the nightmares appeared to be getting more aggressive, he would hold her hand a little tighter, sometimes rising to the bed to sit near her hip to make sure she didn't roll out of bed or roll on her tender ribs or back. The night was long and it was into the early hours before she finally settled into a peaceful sleep. Once he was satisfied she wouldn't wake again he made himself comfortable on the arm chair, pulling a small blanket around his waist and let his eyes drift shut. He would try and get at least some sleep before she woke for the day.

It was late morning before either of them woke. Kate was curled up in a ball under the covers as Rick snored softly in the armchair near the bed, a soft blanket barley covering his large frame and a small pillow propped on his shoulder.

Kate's eyes fluttered open gently, slowly adjusting to the natural light that was beaming into the room. Usually she loved it, but today it burned into her eyes and forced her to pull the duvet up higher and bury herself even deeper into the mass of bedding. She groaned at the pounding in her head and the chill that still coated her body. She couldn't remember much from the previous night, it was still a blur of coldness and fatigue.

"Morning" Rick rough voice greeted as he stirred in his chair, rubbing the last remains of sleep from his eyes.

"Hi" she mumbled, pulling the covers down slightly to reveal her lips.

"How you feeling?"

"Not great." She admitted, "You stay here all night?" she asked even though she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, yeah wanted to make sure you were ok"

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wouldn't have slept knowing you weren't well"

It was the truth. He knew that if he had of returned to his own bed then he would have spent the rest of the night worrying about her. It just made more sense to stay with her and keep an eye on her. He wasn't about to remind her that she asked him to stay, he knew she was far too stubborn to admit to that.

"Listen Kate. Last night, you scared me. It was as if you didn't know what was happening, are you sure you have been feeling alright?"

"I'm fine Castle" she sighed. She wasn't about to tell him how scared she was that Jonathan would come back for her and how much she wanted to do everything she could to prepare her ind and body to be ready to defend herself in case that happened.

"You're not fine. You're trying to act like your fine, but the fact that you ran off onto the roof in the pouring rain and spent the night shivering with a fever in bed, tells me that you are certainly not fine."

He was angry, and he had every right to be. He only wanted to help her. His actions may not have been the wisest choice, but it had been with the best of intentions. But now here she was, lying freezing in bed with a cold that would probably turn nasty if she carried on the way she was doing.

"I just want to be me again. Is that so bad?"

"It is when you're putting your health at risk." He watched her look away at that. "I've asked my mother to come home so she can be here when I'm not"

"Castle you don't have to do that."

"She wants to, and this way I can spend more time at the station, working on your case. You were right, I have been neglecting my duties there recently, but that's not to say that I haven't enjoyed being here with you. So I've written down all your therapy times and my mother will help you around the house. I also called Lanie and she said you are to stay in bed today, and if you're still no better by tomorrow I'm to take you to the hospital."

"Rick no -"

"Yes." He interrupted. "I don't want to be on the receiving end of Lanie when she finds out I didn't follow her instructions."

"Ok" she sighed.

"Good. So breakfast? Pancakes and syrup?"

"Yeah, sounds nice." She agreed, telling herself it was only to shut him up, and not because he did make the best pancakes she had ever tasted.

"Great I'll be back in a bit" Castle said, tucking the covers around her again before standing up to leave.

"Rick?" her weak voice caught his attention, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

"You promised we would talk. About the case" she reminded him, with as much power in her voice as she could manage.

"I did. And we will, after breakfast. My mother isn't due back until one, so we have the whole morning to talk." He smiled. He was putting off the inevitable, but he wanted to get a hot meal down her before she could jump out of bed and start on her crazy exercise routine again.

"Thanks" she whispered and watched him leave.

She sighed and nestled back under the covers, letting her eyes fall closed for a few more minutes. She wanted to know, she needed to know what exactly had happened to her case. Castle held the answers she was looking for, but was she was ready to hear and accept them? She wasn't so sure.

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**One again thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you are still enjoying the story. I'd love to hear you thoughts and thank you for all the wonderful reviews so far.**

**Find me on Tumblr at: Castlelover47**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

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Intent on making her a filling breakfast, Castle decided to fry some extra bacon, pop a few more slices of toast and make sure that there was more than enough waffles for the two of them, accompanied by a coffee, orange juice and a glass of water. Having completed all that, he decided that everything was nearly ready.

He had decided that breakfast in bed would be appropriate. He wasn't having Kate attempt to come downstairs and put back her recovery. He hated that she was sick, he was annoyed at the way she had behaved so recklessly in regards to her health, but he despised the fact that he had lied to her even more.

It hadn't started out as an intentional lie. So the brother's card had been used. That didn't necessarily mean it was him that used it. Anyone could have found it and tried their luck with it and for all they knew, someone might have done it. He had also refrained from telling her that her mother begun to bail on lot of her cases, passing them on to other employees as well as missing important lunches with clients and refusing to take on any new cases. To some it may have seemed like the rational actions of a mother looking for her missing daughter, but to Castle it meant that something strange was going on. They had looked into her cases, her most recent one being that of Mr Joe Pulgatti, a man who was claimed he was being framed for murder. Researching Johanna Beckett he knew she fought for the little man, the one whose voice would be drowned in a sea of lies. However, it seemed that as soon as she took on the case, everything in her life changed and Castle could not help but wonder if it was no coincidence at all. After all, he was a detective and they did not believe in coincidences as usually what might seem like a chance happening was actually a planned action taken with regards to the case. And this time, he wondered what Joe Pulgattis case had to do with Kate's kidnapping or if they were even related.

He didn't want to keep the information to himself, it was tearing him apart knowing that Johanna Beckett's daughter was living under the same roof as him and he was intentionally keeping information from her.

The toast jumped out of the toaster, burning his fingers slightly as he picked it out and laid it on the breadboard ready for buttering. It wasn't often he made breakfast for more than one. Kate usually said she would take care of herself, however he wondered if she had actually been eating breakfast at all. Her physio had been helping, he knew that for certain, but at the same time he knew she had been overdoing it. She had been forcing herself to get well because she was scared of him coming back for her. He wondered if he had just been straight with her from the beginning none of this would have happened. However, he couldn't do that. He couldn't promise her to solve her case but at the same time tell her that the man she feared the most was still out there and most probably looking for her to finish the job he started. He would not lie to her about that, not again.

He decided that he refused to put any more stress on her. He wouldn't let this claim any more of her life than it already had. He would answer her questions, truthfully and without hesitation, but he would do so in a way that made her feel safe and secure.

Sending a quick text to his mother he checked what time she would be home, making sure he and Kate had enough time to discuss things properly before he left for work. Although he didn't want to leave, he needed to return to the precinct at some point, he couldn't hide away forever and hope that if he stayed at the loft with her he would be protecting her more than he would at work. By staying with her he knew that she was safe, and that if she needed him he would be there. However right now, she needed him to solve this case, she needed him to do what she couldn't. She needed to work on getting her strength back and he would work on getting her life back and together they would make something work.

When he arrived upstairs he was glad to see that she had stayed in bed, still wrapped up in the mountain of covers that she had accumulated from various areas in the bedroom. Even the small blanket that he kept stored away in the wardrobe had managed to be pulled onto the bed and was currently wrapped around her small feet.

As soon as she noticed his presence she sat up and scooted over to one side, inviting him to sit on the bed and enjoy breakfast with her.

He was thankful that the question he had been avoiding for days came after she had managed to eat a piece of toast and begin to eat one of the waffles.

"Can we talk about the case now?" Kate asked.

Castle stopped eating his piece of toast and looked up at her, her eyes were wide and pleading with him to give her some form of reassurance that her case was not all but lost and that they were making progress.

"Of course. What would you like to know?"

He could tell she wasn't expecting him to answer a question with another question, but if she was annoyed at him she didn't show it. Instead she furrowed her brow and thought about how best to begin.

"The card. You said that Jonathan Landers card had been used in the city. Where in the city?"

"West 24th Street and 8th. Near Penn station. He withdrew $160 from the ATM there."

"Did you get any CCTV footage?"

"No the camera wasn't working at the time, however the ATM was near the reception to the station so we have circulated his description and are talking to anyone working there at the time who might have seen him. Hopefully he boarded a train and we can track him that way."

"Did anyone see him board a train?"

"No" Castle sighed.

"So he could still be in the city?"

"It's a possibility, yes."

He expected her to panic again, to yell at him for not protecting her and for not working hard enough on her case. However her face showed no anger, instead she took a long sip of her coffee and forced herself to take a moment to breathe.

He watched her slowly regulate her breathing, something he thought she had been working on with Dr Burke. If this had happened a few days ago she would have been on the floor in the midst of a major panic attack by now, but watching her now, he knew she was learning to control her emotions better. It would never be perfect, she would never be able to completely stop the onslaught of a panic attack but the fact that she was working on it, was proof enough for him that one day she might be able to.

He reached out and instinctively took her hand. A silent promise that he was there for her if she needed him.

"Kate, I can't promise you that he isn't in the city, and I can't promise you that he's not looking for you but what I can promise is that he will never find you because I won't let him. We're going to solve this Kate. My team and I are not going to stop until we find out who did this to you."

She looked up at that. Her eyes glistened over with unshed tears waiting to spill.

"Do you think? Do you think he wants to find me?" her voice lacked its recent authority and reminded him now of the scared woman in had found in a dirty bathroom just a few weeks ago.

"I don't know Kate. Do you remember how long he was gone for before he came back the day he shot Owen?" Kate shook her head. "Ok. Do you remember if he said anything to you when he returned?"

"No, it's all just a blur. I just remember lots of shouting and then my head hurt and there was a gun but everything is still a mess. Is that why you want me to go back to the house? To see if I can remember?"

"Yes, it may help you and it may give us the break we need to solve this."

"What if I'm not ready" she whispered.

"Then we come home"

"Home?" she questioned. Had he really just referred to his loft as home?

"Sorry I didn't mean that. You probably want to go and live with your dad at some point, you can do that now if you want, and it's just with the case and your appointments I just thought…"

"Rick" she interrupted. "Thank you. It means a lot that you are letting me stay here and allowing me to treat it like my home"

"Well, you are welcome to stay as long as you need to."

He couldn't help but smile as her lips parted into a soft smile. It was a rarity so he made a point to treasure every moment.

"Listen Kate, I need to get going, but my mother should be here within the hour. You are on bed rest all day, so I do not want to hear that you have been wandering around unless it is for the bathroom. If you need anything you ask my mother to do it, ok?"

"Rick I can't ask…"

"Yes you can. Lanie said that if we hadn't gotten your fever down last night you would be very sick this morning, so I'm not risking it. You need to drink lots of fluids and stay in bed. If your chest starts hurting or you start coughing badly, Lanie said she will come over. Promise me you will tell me if you start to feel unwell?"

"I promise."

"Thank you. Now do you need anything before I leave?"

"I think I'm all set" she said, glancing at the huge breakfast that was still sitting on the bedside table.

"I suppose you are" he agreed. "Ok, well I will see you later then."

Castle's absence caused a bit of a hole in her that afternoon, to say the least. She managed to finish most of the breakfast and apart from feeling extremely full it had given her the energy boost she desperately needed. However after taking some more medication it was clear that she wasn't going to be using that energy in any productive way and instead settled back down under the covers for a short nap.

The chill had finally shaken from her bones and her breathing had evened out a lot more, leaving her chest feeling much lighter and not the restricting cage it had felt like earlier on. She knew Castle was right, getting the flu would only set back her recovery and she couldn't risk that, especially with the new information that had come to light. She prayed it would only be a matter of time before all of this would be put to rest and she could finally get some closure.

She was seconds away from sleep when she heard a key being slotted into the front door before it was heavily pushed open, the sound making her sit up quickly and cling to the bedding with her eyes locked on the door. She wanted to move but her body was frozen with fear that they had finally caught up with her whilst she was alone and vulnerable.

"Richard?" The female voice called and Kate breathed a sigh of relief knowing that it was in fact his mother.

"Richard darling are you home?" the voice called again, sounding much clearer as the person made their way through the downstairs and towards the stairs.

The sound of heels clicking up the wooden stairs reminded her so much of her mother, how she would hear her early in the mornings trying to be extra quiet in her heels as not to wake the rest of the Beckett household. She breathed easier at that thought. The footsteps slowed as they reached the bedroom door and she could see the shadow of the woman's feet at the bottom of the door.

She tapped on the door lightly, just enough so that Kate could hear before the door slowly swung open. An older woman appeared in the doorway, her read hair striking through the sunlight creeping into the room as she open the door wider and stepped past the frame.

"Good morning dear, I'm sorry if I woke you" she greeted and slipped further into the room, "Martha Rogers darling and you must be Katherine?" she asked and went to sit in the armchair that Rick had previously occupied.

"Yes Mrs Rogers" she replied humbly.

"Oh dear, call me Martha. Richard has told me all about you"

"He has?"

Just what _exactly_ had he told her Kate wondered?

"Oh well just the usual who you are and that you're staying here until you get well again. He said you had quite the night last night?"

"Yeah I um, I guess you could say that" Kate agreed.

"So I believe it is bed rest for you today and lots of hot food and drinks, so why don't I go and make us a tea and we can have a chat. I'm dying to know all about you Katherine"

"Please call me Kate, and that would be lovely"

"Wonderful, two minutes and I'll be back with you" she replied and elegantly left the room.

Kate took an instant liking to Martha Rogers, even after only speaking to her for a few seconds. She felt immediately at ease in her presence. Her light hearted manner shone through, calming her fears that she wouldn't take to her because she was free loading off her son. The thought had suddenly popped up surprisingly in a moment of weakness, yet at the same time she couldn't shake the feeling that as soon as the case was closed she would have to move out and work on building her life all over again.

Martha returned a few minutes later with two piping hot drinks clasped in her hands. Making herself comfortable again she handed one drink to Kate and took a long sip from her own mug, before asking Kate to tell her about herself.

The conversation was tense to say the least, Kate never revealing too much and Martha never pushing too hard. It was only when Martha noticed the assortment of medical creams on the bedside table that the really awkward questions came.

"Did Rick tell you about what happened to me?" Kate asked cautiously, needing to know exactly what this woman knew about her.

"Yes he did, but he did it in your best interests, and I promise you, it will go no further" Martha assured her.

"It's ok. It's not like I can hide it forever" Kate sighed.

"No, but you can work to move on from it. And from what Richard told me you're doing just that. You're working on your physical therapy. He also told me about your therapist appointments, which; if it's ok with you, I will be accompanying you to on Wednesday, and also your help with the case. He is astounded at the progress you are making"

"He is?" she asked partly uncertain and partly stunned by the fact that Richard Castle was astounded by her.

"Yes dear. He says that he has never met someone more determined in their life"

"Is that why he thinks I can go back to the crime scene? Because I am determined to get my life back?"

"He mentioned that" Martha sighed, and for the first time broke her eye contact with Kate in favor of staring into the black hole of coffee she was swirling in her mug. "He told me that it may help the case if you can remember some details. He also told me that you weren't sure if you could handle that yet"

"You don't know what it was like Martha. It was hell. I hated every second of it, it was like a prison that I would never escape yet all the while life was going on just outside of it. Going back there, well it would be like opening Pandora's Box all over again." Kate argued, although her voice portrayed no malice. She wasn't angry at Martha, the poor woman had done nothing wrong, she was angry at the situation she was in more than anything.

"But that part of your life is over now Kate. Yes, going back there may hurt for a while, but this time you know you will be leaving, you know that you will be walking out of there a free woman, with your whole life ahead of you."

"Rick thinks it will help" she admitted.

"It won't be easy" Martha warned. "But it will be worth it"

Kate shrugged, unsure if she really wanted to answer. She knew they were right, Castle, Martha and Dr Burke had all said the same thing, but it needed to be her decision and one that she could live with.

"I'll think about" she agreed, "but I'm kind of tired right now, I didn't get much sleep last night"

"Not a problem dear, I have some unpacking to do. You call me if you need anything"

Kate smiled and nestled herself back under the covers. She would think about it, but right now sleep was her priority.

Dinner was once again a huge meal, lots of potatoes and veggies with different cooked meats and apple pie for dessert. The three enjoyed dinner together and Kate couldn't help but feel at home.

From the littlest thing such as asking Rick how his day had been to Martha serving the apple pie and custard, something about being in the household made her feel more at home than she ever had before.

It wasn't long before dinner was over and Martha had ushered them away to the living room whilst she cleaned up.

Rick and Kate sat on the sofa, each avoiding the burning questions on their tongue as they pretended to care about what was on the TV.

Almost half an hour had passed before Kate finally broke the silence, with a sentence that she instantly regretted.

"I want to go back to the crime scene"

Shocked was an understatement as Rick's eyes shot up to meet hers in surprise. He'd hoped she would want to go back at some point, but he never imagined she would be so blunt about it.

"Are you sure?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes. I want this over with"

"I'll make the arrangements, we can probably go in a few days"

"No, not in a few days. Tomorrow morning. I want to go tomorrow morning"

There was no arguing with her after that. Tomorrow morning they would be back there, she would return and face her fears.

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**Thank you for reading, please let me know your thoughts, I love getting reviews and hearing what people think.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

**Going to put a warning on this chapter as it contains mentions of violence but is still rated T.**

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**Present Day.**

Castle and Martha had tried to persuade and even resorted to begging Kate not to visit the house today. They could go any other day after all, the house was not going anywhere and waiting till it was not the day after she had been sick would have been no trouble at all. In fact, it would be greatly encouraged and appreciated. However, Kate Beckett was not one to back down when she had an idea in place, and that was the reason why she was up at 5am, gearing and ready to go.

All of that, coupled with the fact that the case was losing momentum with every day that passed, had led them to the outside of the house, sitting in Castle's car just as the early morning sun begun to ascend above the city.

The heater was blowing out warm air that was sure to be missing in the shack of a house they were staring at. Kate hadn't taken her eyes off it since they had parked up outside. Castle had turned off the engine but hadn't said a word, intent on making this about her and what she felt comfortable discussing, rather than him interrogating her.

"I've never seen the outside properly before" she declare, her voice void of emotion, as if she had promised herself she wouldn't show any sign that the trip was affecting her. "I was unconscious when they brought me here, and I don't really remember leaving. It looks so normal" she commented, her eyes unwavering from the house.

"If you want, we can stay here a bit longer. If you don't feel ready yet" Castle offered.

"No. I'm not going to remember anything staring at it. Let's just get this over with" Kate replied, holding out her hand for Castle to give her the key.

They had agreed she would keep hold of the key, more of an emotional tactic as there were already officer's stationed just outside the house. But holding the key in her hand felt better than being in there and not having a key, it was a small reminder that if she needed to, she could leave.

**21****st**** October 1998 – 21:01 – 41 E. 7****th****. St **

"She's still out cold" Owen stated as he closed the bedroom door.

After making sure she was secure in the bedroom the two brothers had retreated back to the living room. The room felt colder than usual as he bolted the door. They had installed the locks themselves, it had been a sloppy job but a padlock, a chain and three dead bolts ensured that that door wouldn't be opened by anyone but them.

"Good. Should keep her quite awhile longer" Jonathan shrugged and cracked open a beer and slumped on the worn couch.

"Did you really need to use that much chloroform on her? You could have seriously injured her" Owen asked, grabbing a glass of water for himself and moving to sit on the armchair near the window.

"Did you want her waking up and attracting attention to us?"

"Course not. I just don't think there is any need to hurt her any more than necessary."

"Fine, next time you grab the girl and I'll do the driving. Oh wait, you didn't want to do that, you said you wanted to drive, so unless you have any more insightful comments to make, I suggest you shut your mouth and start making some food." Jonathan ordered, propping his dirty boots up on the makeshift coffee table and grabbing the TV remote. Owen did as he was told and made his way to the kitchen.

**Present Day**

Kate stood motionless, staring at the bedroom door, not yet feeling confident enough to venture into the room. Castle was by her side, watching her carefully for any sign that this may be too much for her, but for now, it seemed to be going as well as it could be.

"Five locks. I counted. I would hear them bolt shut every time they closed the door. First the key clicking in the lock, then the chain, then the three dead bolts. I can still hear them now" Kate said, her eyes glued to the closed bedroom door.

"In a way it gave me time to prepare myself for what was coming next. I hated it when I missed them unlocking the door, if I knew they were coming in I would try and calm myself down, I didn't want to appear scared in front of them" she explained.

**22****nd**** October 1998– 8:03am - 41 E. 7****th****. St**

"Come on" Jonathan commanded, wiping the remains of his bacon sandwich on his sleeve. It was early morning, almost sixteen hours since they had completed the first part of their assignment and kidnapped Katherine Beckett. Now came the waiting, and along with that, keeping her alive.

"What?" Owen asked, around a mouthful of toast.

"We're going to see if she's awake" Jonathan explained.

Leaving a stunned Owen to finish eating, he walked into the bedroom and returned with a revolver.

"What do we need that for?" Owen asked, as he watched Jonathan check the chamber. It was empty for now, but he knew Jonathan kept bullets in the house.

"Make sure she does as she's told" he shrugged, straightening his stance and grabbing the key to the bedroom.

"I think the duct tape will make sure of that" Owen responded, knowing how tight Jonathan had tied her last night, he was certain she wasn't going anywhere.

"Never be too careful." His smirk was sickening as he released the locks and put the key in the lock, "Remember, masks stays on at all times and she doesn't move from that bed. Got it?"

"Yeah" Owen replied, keeping up his bravado in front of his brother.

"Good. Let's go"

Entering the room they each knew instantly that Kate was awake. She was wriggling on the bed, flexing her fingers and kicking her feet as if trying to break through the thick layers of tape that encased her wrists and ankles. They stood for a moment and watched her squirm. She was a fighter, that much was clear and if given the opportunity it didn't look as if she would stop trying to break free any time soon.

The door being slammed shut halted her movements and she rolled on her side so she was facing the door. Her eyes were wild with fear as her body began to shrink in on itself, cowering away from their advances.

The brothers positioned themselves as planned, Jonathan near the bed and Owen near the door just in case she did manage to break free. Owen could barely watch as her eyes flashed between the two of them and her chest began to rise and fall faster with each breath she took. Her long brown curls were swept across her forehead in her attempts to free herself from her bonds, as the tape on her mouth silenced her scared whimpers.

Jonathan pulled Kate back until she was lying flat on her back, her legs slightly curled in as he gripped the top of her shirt.

"Don't move a muscle" Jonathan ordered and Kate tried to still her trembling muscles. "We won't hurt you unless you make us, do you understand?"

Kate flashed her eyes to Owen again before Jonathan grabbed her face between his thumb and fingers, forcing her to look at him.

"I said, do you understand?" he said, emphasizing each word meticulously.

Kate nodded slowly, her defiance clearly showing as she refused to show them any sign of weakness.

"Good. Here is some water, you need to drink. When I remove the tape you are not to scream. No one is around to hear you, and trust me you don't want to make me angry"

Kate stared into his eyes, focusing all her strength on how to survive this situation. She winced as Jonathan yanked the tape from her mouth before pressing a water bottle to her lips. She sucked in as much water as she could, whatever drugs they had used to knock her out had left her with a splitting headache and dry throat, making the water trickling down her throat feel like heaven. All too soon it was pulled away and she was left staring at the two men using ski masks to hide their true identity.

"What do you want from me?" Kate asked, her voice attempting to remain strong despite the fear that course through her veins.

"Quiet" Jonathan ordered.

"Please, if it's money you want, my parents are lawyers, they will pay" she explained, losing her tough composer slightly.

"I said, shut up" Jonathan repeated reaching over to plaster the tape across Kate's lips again.

He didn't expect her to fight back so it took him by surprise when he leaned over her she kicked him full force with her bound legs sending him crashing to the floor. Owen saw the panic in her eyes as she realized that she couldn't exactly go anywhere with her ankles bound together and her wrists taped together behind her back, but she wasn't about to give up.

Jonathan pulled himself to his feet and advanced on Kate again. She twisted out of the way flinging her body into a sitting position as she attempted to gain her footing. Jonathan was on her quicker than she anticipated. His muscular arms wrapping around her waist and chest and pulling her flailing body back down onto the bed.

Pinning her down he leaned in close to her ear, his body weight crushing her small frame as she tried to shrink away and allow herself to breathe. Owen shuffled on his feet, wanting to pull his brother off and give her some slack, but didn't want to anger his brother.

"Fine. You want to behave that way, please yourself." Jonathan sneered. "But I'm telling you now, you're not doing yourself any favors. There is no one around here, the house is isolated so no one is going to hear you. So I suggest you do exactly as your told because right now, the only people that can get you out of here and him and me. Do you understand me?"

Jonathan's voice drummed into her ears as she whimpered on the bed. His strong muscles pushed her further into the unforgiving mattress causing her to twist her body in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. She nodded quickly, realizing that if she did as he said he may release her, which luckily he did.

"Good, because one more move like that and you'll regret it"

With that he stormed out the room. Owen took one last glance at the terrified woman lying on the bed before swiftly following his older brother out of the room. He knew Jonathan didn't make idle threats, and hoped that for Kate's sake, she realized that.

**Present Day**

Kate stood inside the bedroom, staring at the iron bed frame and filthy mattress. The remains of silver duct tape stuck into the wooden floorboards and a handcuff still clasped closed around the top left corner of the frame. The room was small, barely 10"x10" and with the single bed and Castle and Beckett in there it felt more enclosed than ever. She wondered how she survived months in here without feeling claustrophobic because right now, she felt trapped and was struggling to get enough air into her lungs.

"That was how it would go for the first few weeks. They would come in, give me something to eat and drink and then let me use the bathroom."

"Did you ever see their faces, or recognize their accents?"

"No, they always wore ski masks. They tended to keep their voice calm, like they were putting on an act in front of me. It was only when they argued that their composure slipped."

"How so?" Castle questioned, tiptoeing around the subject in an attempt to gain more information.

"I would hear them arguing, mostly about me and their accents always came through stronger then. It sounded like they were from Brooklyn. Do you think they have family there?" Kate asked hopefully.

"We couldn't find any living relative, but if they grew up there they may have friends there that they could stay with. I'll check into that.

Kate nodded. Maybe it wasn't so bad doing this, if they managed to find smaller pieces to fit the puzzle maybe they would resolve this once and for all.

"Did they keep you in here the whole time?" asked Castle.

"Mostly. Yes"

**January 2****nd**** 1999 – 13:27 – 41 E. 7****th****. St**

"Did you have to be so rough with her?" Owen asked as the two brothers returned from the bedroom.

"What the hell is your problem? You knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to this."

"We were told not to harm her" he reminded Jonathan.

"She's been here three months, she's still alive isn't she?"

"Barley. She hardly eats or drinks, that room's disgusting and she hadn't seen the sunlight since she got here"

"So what do you suggest? Take her out to Remy's and then a stroll through central park?"

"I'm just saying we could ease off slightly. Maybe let her sit in here for a few hours or something?"

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Think about it. She'll be more willing to co-operate if we cut her some slack"

"Or she'll think she can walk all over us"

"I'm not saying give her the run of the house but" Owen walked over to the window in the far corner of the living room, it was his spot where he spent most of his nights staring out the window and questioning if all this was worth it. "Look, here" he said, placing his hand down on the old radiator underneath the window, "we can cuff her here, she can't get away but at least she will get some sunlight"

"Why do you care so much about her?" Jonathan asked, grabbing his third beer of the day from the fridge.

"Why don't you. I know you've seen it, I see it every time I look at her. She reminds you of Lucy doesn't she"

"No" Jonathan replied, with a tone that bared warning.

"You sure? I saw you looking at that picture, in your wallet the other day. You know as well as I do that Kate and Lucy looks pretty similar"

"Is this why you want to help her, because she reminds you of our sister?" he asked, his voice rising as the alcohol began to course through his system.

"Maybe" he shrugged, "or maybe I just think this has gone on for too long now"

"We were told to wait. Bracken will tell us when it's over"

"How do you know? We haven't heard from him in over three weeks. Every time I speak with her she asks about the ransom. I can't keep pretending that we sent one when we didn't."

"Well then don't talk to her."

"That might work for you, but I'm the one here with her all day. I can't exactly ignore her when she is refusing to eat," he sighed. "I just think if we cut her some slack, then maybe this will be a lot easier on all of us"

"No. Now I've got to be at work in half an hour, call me if you need me." Jonathan replied, slugging the rest of his beer and heading to their room to change.

"Fine." Owen sighed to himself, he already knew Jonathan would never agree to it, but he couldn't not try. "I'm going to go check on her, see if she wants the bathroom" he called over his shoulder, making his way back to the bedroom.

As Owen opened the door he could tell instantly that she had been crying. Her cheeks were wet with the remains of her tears are her eyes were red raw like she had been crying for hours rather than minutes. He hadn't seen what Jonathan had done, he couldn't bear to see him inflicting pain on her. That wasn't the brother he knew and loved.

Kate's eyes were frantic as she watched him approach. She twisted in the handcuffs in an attempt to get away from him, but that just made the metal dig into her skin further. He held his hands up, showing her that he meant her no harm as he sat down on the side of the bed.

"Kate, it's ok, it's just me" he soothed. "I thought you might like to use the bathroom. You can get a shower and get cleaned up"

He watched as Kate hiccupped through the cloth in her mouth. He grimaced as he saw her flex her fingers, like she was trying to get some circulation back in her numb hands. They had stopped using the duct tape once she had found a loose nail in the room and managed to break free. She'd took them by surprise that morning, fighting with everything she had, she'd almost made it to the front door, but after two weeks of barely eating she hadn't the strength she had anticipated and had been quickly overpowered by Jonathan.

"If I take the gag off, do you promise to be quiet?" he asked. Kate nodded weakly, as if she was finally realizing that fighting these men wasn't going to help her. "For both of our sakes don't scream. He's looking for an excuse to hurt you, don't give him one" Kate nodded again, squeezing her eyes shut as Owen fumbled to untie the knotted cloth between her teeth. He winced at how tight it had been tied and could see the sides of her lips starting to chap, mentally reminding himself to get her some lip balm. He had stopped using the tape after she had nearly suffocated when she had been ill. He had kept a close eye on her those long days, not that she knew that.

"Don't try anything" he warned.

Kate had learned that it wasn't worth it and simply lay still as Owen un-cuffed her from the bed, and helped her to stand. It took a moment for her to gain her footing, her leg muscles no longer toned and strong but instead weak and limp as she dragged herself to the bathroom.

"Can I just…" Kate began, her voice cracking as she spoke. "Can I just have a moment alone? Please? There is nowhere for me to go. I just want some privacy for five minutes."

"Give me your hands" Kate shakily complied and Owen unlocked the cuffs encircling her wrists. "You have ten minutes. Don't close the door fully and I'll be right outside"

"Thank you" she breathed.

The sound of the water shooting from the shower head bashing against the hard plastic that surrounded the shower made her jump every time. The water was cold and hard against her sore head as she stepped under the jet stream of water. She longed for a hot bubble bath, something to sooth her aching body, but for now a shower and a small bar of soap would have to suffice.

She kept her shower short, washing her hair quickly before stepping out and running a comb through her locks and dressing in as many layers as she had available. It was a cold winter in New York, so any item of clothing was a blessing to her.

"Ok" Owen shouted from the other side of the door, before walking into the bathroom, "times up come on. Hold out your wrists"

Kate shakily held out her wrists, already knowing what was coming made it seemed pointless to struggle now. Owen reached out and took her wrist, the handcuff ready and waiting in his other hand. Kate shied away, not wanting to look at the weakness she believed she was portraying. But the cold metal never touched her skin, instead she felt rough fingers skimming the marks that the handcuffs had left in their wake.

"Dammit, you need to stop pulling on the handcuffs"

"They hurt" she whispered, not wanting to ignore his statement but not wanting to anger him more.

"They'll hurt more if you pull on them"

"I was just trying to get comfortable" she explained weakly.

"Come on" Owen instructed, shoving the cuffs in his back pocket.

"But I…"

"He's out and what he doesn't know won't hurt him"

The strange sense of relief she felt knowing that he had seen her pain filled her with a glimmer of hope. He led her to the living room, and sat her in the armchair near the window. It was snowing outside, coating the deserted street in a thick blanket of white snow. It was untouched, as if no one had ventured outside at the risk getting stuck, instead it was like a blank canvas, just waiting to be drawn on.

"I'm trusting you to sit here, I'll be back in moment" Owen said, pulling her back to the reality that she was trapped inside.

Kate nodded, shifting in her seat to bring her legs up under her and leaned against the radiator, which to her relief it was on. She thought about running, making a dash for the door and out onto the street, but one look at the door told her she would be wasting her time. Covered in dead bolts and a catch chain she knew she wouldn't make it in time and she would lose what little trust she had. No, she would not risk it, not when she had someone who was somewhat kind towards her. Instead she focused on the warmth the radiator offered, letting her hair drop down to it, hoping to take some of the chill off.

Owen returned to sit opposite her, pulling out an antiseptic wipe from a small first aid kit and reached for her wrists.

"What are doing?" Kate asked surprised at his level of care as he gently swapped around the broken skin.

"Your wrists are a mess. We leave them like that, they're only going to get infected" he explained.

He cleaned around the area, making sure to use new wipes for each wrist and avoided applying too much pressure. His touch was gentle, almost soothing considering he was one of her captors.

"You seem to know what you're doing" Kate commented, attempting to strike up some form of conversation.

"Sister used to be a nurse" he shrugged

"Used to be?"

"She died. About a year ago" he said, his voice void of emotion as he continue to work on her wrists.

"I'm sorry"

"Thank you" he said, looking up at her face.

"Ow" Kate winced, as the swab came in contact with large cut on her inner wrist.

"Sorry. Sorry I'm nearly done" Owen apologized, focusing his attention back on her wrists.

"It's not your fault"

"He just got carried away, I'll make sure they aren't as tight" he said, defending his clueless brother for all it was worth. He finished by wrapping her wrists in soft bandages and taped them.

"Can I stay in here for a while?" Kate asked hopefully. "That room is really cold and my hair is wet. I won't be any trouble, I promise, I'll just sit here"

"Don't move from that chair" he warned, although his voice conveyed no malice.

"I won't"

He could tell she wasn't lying as her eyes bore into his, begging him to give her this once ounce of kindness for just a little while.

"Ok, just for a little while. Would you like some soup?"

"Yes please"

**Present Day**

"We kept up that little arrangement for a few weeks. Every time Jonathan went to work I would sit in the living room and have something warm to eat. I sat in the armchair there" Kate said, pointing to a torn up old armchair by the window. "He would sit on the couch there."

"Did you talk?"

"Sometimes. He told me they had a sister, but she died. He didn't say what of, I think I asked but he told me that he didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to annoy him by asking him again."

"How long did you keep that up for?"

"A few weeks. Every day Jonathan would go to work and Owen would stay with me. He would make me breakfast, I would get showered and then we would sit in the living room. We talked, mostly about trivial things, and then sometimes we would play cards."

"Did he ever tell you anything about him? Anything that might hint at his past?"

"Just about his sister. He told me that she was a nurse and she had used him to practice wrapping bandages and taking his blood pressure. From what he said she was really nice, she was the youngest of the three, he said she was the only one to make it into college."

"Did he tell you what happened to her?"

"Just that one day she called saying she was in trouble and the next she was dead. He didn't like to talk about her death. I asked him once and he got really mad and told me it was none of my business. We didn't speak for two days after that. He did say that she moved to the city for college. He said that he missed her when she was gone and I told him about moving to Stanford and how I missed my family."

"You said you kept talking to him for a few months. Why did that stop?"

Kate sighed, remembering that fateful day.

**February 27****th**** 1999- 19:03 – 41 E. 7****th****. St**

"Hey, I've spoken to Chris, he said we can hold up with him for a few weeks at his place upstate until…" Jonathan stops mid-sentence noticing the scene before him; Kate sitting hunched over a warm bowl of soup and Owen shuffling a deck of cards. "What the hell is going on? What the hell is she doing in here?" he shouts, grabbing his ski mask and pulling it over his head.

"Just relax, its fine" Owen says, rising from the chair to stand between his brother and Kate.

"You call this fine? Get her back in there now"

"Look she's doing no harm here, let her eat her dinner and then she will go back"

"She will do what I say!"

**Present Day**

"After that, it was rare that I was ever allowed in the living room again. Owen seemed too scared of his brother and I didn't want to get caught again."

"What happened when Jonathan caught you that time?"

"Jonathan punched Owen, and took me back into the bedroom. He told me that I knew too much and that I was more trouble than I was worth." She swallowed hard. "I knew something was wrong. They were both on edge. It was just after the New Year, maybe a week or two into January. I remember they kept mentioning the dragon. I had no idea what they were talking about, I just presumed it was a code name for someone or something."

**April 14****th**** 1999 – 3:27am – 41 E. 7****th****. St**

The bed underneath her creaked as Kate tried to turn on her side and off her blistering back, but with every movement her skin pulled and cracked, making small tears slip from her eyes. She'd lost track of how long she had been there, with only little light from the small window it was hard to track the days. She slept mostly, conserving her energy for when it was needed, but sometimes in the dead of the night she would wake up in terrible pain and remain awake until the early hours.

She didn't expect to hear the locks on the door shifting from the other side. She knew it was late, and there was no reason for her captors to pay her any attention at this hour. Using the rungs on the headboard as leverage she pulled herself higher up the bed, loosening the tension in her arms and planting her bare feet firmly on the mattress.

She could tell from the way the person moved that is wasn't the kinder of the two captors. She had been doing everything she could to get on with the one who had been staying with her all day. He wouldn't tell her his name, which left her with a small sense of hope that maybe they did eventually plan on releasing her. He seemed nice enough, they would talk and he would make sure that she was eating and drinking enough. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.

However she knew her other captor wasn't the same. He was cold and methodical, and clearly the leader of the two, spending his days working only to return home and get drunk. It was when he was drunk that she feared him the most. The alcohol made him violent with her and she was on the receiving end.

So when he walked into the room in the middle of the night with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in another she feared for the worst.

"You know" he slurred, his words as slow as his movement as he made his way towards her, balancing the beer bottle on the top of the headboard and taking a drag from his cigarette before releasing the smoke into the air. "You're lucky. Do you know that? I would have gotten rid of you months ago." He took another drag of his cigarette and leaned in closer to Kate. "But for some reason, little brother doesn't want to. Maybe he's sweet on you" he smirked.

Kate shook her head, the gag in her mouth forcing her into silence.

"Maybe not" he chuckled. "If it was up to me…" he began, sitting himself on the mattress next to her, "you would be dead and we would be long gone. You've turned out to be more trouble than you're worth"

Fresh tears began to prick in her eyes as she tried to hold them back. Balling her fingers into her fist she tried to focus on the fact that she was still alive, that they hadn't killed her, which could only be a good sign, right?

"Well, maybe you might be worth something?" he mumbled leaning closer to Kate.

Before he could get any closer she pulled her legs up, ready to give him a swift kick, but her attack had been well used and they knew exactly what she would try. It only took a second for Jonathan to grab her legs and push her back down onto the bed.

"I really wouldn't try that if I were you" he warned. Kate glared at him, wanted to scream in his face, but she knew she couldn't. As if knowing she was trying to say something to him, he ripped the gag from her mouth and closed his fingers around her neck. Not exerting enough pressure to hurt but enough to warn her that he controlled the situation. "You were saying sweetheart?" he cooed sarcastically in her ear.

"Go to hell" Kate sneered, never taking her eyes off him.

"Fighting words" he chuckled. "But really is that the best you can do?"

"It's about the best you can. What's this all about? I told you, if you let me phone my parents they will pay you, they will pay you anything you want."

"You still think that is what all this is about don't you?"

"Isn't it?" Kate asked in confusion. "You kidnap me, hold me at gunpoint, force me to make a ransom video, and then keep me until you get your money."

"Haven't you worked it out yet?"

"Worked what out?" Kate asked desperately.

"I thought you'd be smarter than this. Especially with your parents being lawyers, but then again, they didn't appear too smart either"

"What do you mean?" Kate asked again, the mention of her parents forced the tears from her eyes.

He leaned in close again and gripped the cloth around Kate's neck.

"Let's just say if they had done as they were told, you would be sitting at home with them now and all of this would be over. You have no idea what they have started and this is so much bigger than you realize" he didn't give her a chance to respond before he thrust the cloth between her teeth again and stormed out of the room, locking the door behind him.

She heard each lock slot into place, each one a reminder of how powerless she was to them. She didn't sleep after that, with too many unanswered questions running through her mind. If this was bigger than a ransom demand, and it did have more to do with her family than she initially realized, then what the hell was she supposed to do?

* * *

**Thank you for reading, please leave me a review and let me know your thoughts!**

**Tumble: Castlelover47**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, this is just a hobby.**

* * *

**Present Day**

Kate stood frozen, staring at the bedroom door, unable to force her feet to take the small step inside. Going in once had been traumatic enough, she was sure a second time would send her spiraling down the rabbit hole again.

Her palms began to sweat and the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention as she forced herself to breathe in and out. In and out. In and out, calming her mind and her body, a technique that Dr Burke had been trying with her, but the longer she stayed in that house, the thicker the air felt.

As if sensing her discomfort Castle moved closer to her, allowing her to feel his presence beside her, reminding her that she was not alone and that she could walk out whenever she wanted.

"Jonathan told me that if my parents had done what they were asked then I would have gotten to go home. Do you think he meant that?" she asked turning to face Castle.

"I think they are criminals and would have told you anything that they wanted you to believe. Kate you were trapped with the same two people for months, it was bound to have an affect on you."

"After that Jonathan came to check on me more. Sometimes he wouldn't even say anything, he would just sit, smoke and drink his beer. Other times he wouldn't be so placid."

"Kate, have you talked with Dr Burke about what happened?"

Kate nodded, biting her trembling bottom lip between her teeth, focusing on the sting as a way to remind herself of where she was.

"Dr Burke told me that it would help to think of this place as a crime scene. He thought it would help me disconnect with it. But when I do, all I think about is how much pain this place caused me."

"It's not going to happen overnight Kate" Castle reminded her. "It's going to take time" he said as he placed his hand on her shoulder, allowing her to feel the warmth from his palm radiate through her; a small glimmer of hope in one of her darkest days.

**June 27****th**** 1999 – 7:16am – 41 E. 7****th****. St**

It was early when she heard the door being unlocked and thankfully she recognised those well practiced movements as those of her 'friendlier' captor. She felt silly giving them nicknames but it was the only way she could distinguish between them. She'd asked for their names, even a fake one would be something better than 'Mr' or 'Sir' whenever she wanted something.

The smell of hot toast and butter confirmed her suspicions that it was indeed who she thought it was. Her stomach growled in appreciation as she pulled herself into a sitting position and awaited her breakfast. The pull in her arms was painful, her muscles long gone and her bones growing stiff at the lack of movement.

"Morning" Owen greeted nervously, slipping the cloth from between Kate's teeth.

Kate had spent enough time with them now to know when something was wrong. After all, being trapped with nothing better to do than to observe her surroundings and the two of them, she learnt to read them and spot their tells.

"I brought you some breakfast, and I managed not to burn the toast this morning"

"Lucky me" Kate whispered under her breath.

"What?" Owen questioned, gaining her full attention.

"Nothing. Thank you, I'm really hungry"

"What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Um, he didn't make any" she replied sheepishly.

"I'll talk to him"

"No" Kate interrupted quickly. "It's fine, I wasn't that hungry anyway" she lied.

Owen put down the breakfast and released Kate's handcuffs, allowing her to eat. It wasn't long before the toast was gone and Kate was turning on her side away from Owen. The recent pain in her back still flaring with every movement, but the relief she felt when she wasn't lying on it was a blessing. She curled her legs under herself, intent on finding a comfortable position before she would once again be chained up like an animal.

"Kate?" Owen asked worryingly. "Kate what happened to your shoulder?" he questioned, looking at the small round burn mark that until now she had hid so well.

Kate shook her head, refusing to speak.

"He didn't? Please tell me he didn't" Owen gasped, taking Kate's silence as confirmation of his fears. "I'll be right back" he said quickly before leaving the room.

The door was open. She wasn't restrained. She could try and run for the door, she could smash a window and scream for help, if only she could force her body to move on the damn bed. She knew she wasn't strong enough, her physical fight compromised by the never ending ache in her bones and the sick feeling she got every time her skin cracked open and bled. A few weeks ago she would have used the thought of being back home to drive her, to push her enough to ignore the pain and never give up. But with each visit Jonathan paid to her room, he took a little piece of her fight with him. Each time he would remind her that if her parents wanted her back they would have saved her by now. If they had just done as they had been asked, then she would have gone home months ago. He reminded her of all the promises she had broken, how she would call them every week, promise to send her Aunt Theresa a birthday card and make sure that she let them know if she ever left the city. She'd promised all of them, then wished she was the sort to keep promises. Months ago she had vowed to never break a promise to her parents again, that when she got home to them, she would tell them every day how much she loved them and she would do anything to make them proud of her. But after eight months, that was one promise that she thought she would never be able to make.

Owen returned and perched on the side of the bed, clutching the first aid kid nervously in his hands.

"Kate. Would you let me look at your shoulder please?" he asked softly. Kate shook her head and hunched her shoulders away. "Please Kate, it could get infected."

"Why would you care?" she asked softly, no longer caring about the consequences.

"I don't want to see you in pain"

She turned to face him, her watery eyes locking with his.

"Then let me go" she begged, her voice broken and weak.

"You know I can't do that" he sighed, dropping his gaze to his knees.

"I'm begging you please. If you don't, he'll kill me. I know he will, and you know it too"

"I won't let that happen to you I promise"

"You can't promise that" she sobbed.

He pauses, knowing that he can't make a promise like that. Things got out of hand, with each day that passed. The 'fool proof assignment' they had been given eight months ago was unraveling like wool. Too many things had gone wrong. It had supposed to be quick, two weeks maximum, but after weeks of no communications, months of inactivity and then finally Johanna Beckett's murder, the plan had completely fallen apart.

He hated what they had done, both to Kate and her family, but feeling just as trapped as she did, he knew the only way to stay alive, was to see the plan through to the end.

"Let me at least take a look at it. I might be able to help" he offered.

Kate sighed, talking not getting her anywhere. Her body sagged back down into the bed as she turned so Owen could see her shoulder. She tensed as he moved the fabric away, hearing him gasp only confirmed her suspicions that it looked bad.

Owen didn't say anything. Anger surged through his veins at the sight before him. Small cuts and nasty marks were scattered across her shoulder blade leading down onto the middle of her back. He'd never seen anything like it before but tried his best to clean and dress the cuts. It wasn't as good as he hoped for, but it was better than nothing. He spent an hour meticulously dabbing at the open wounds and carefully fitting the dressings around them, not too tight, but tight enough to prevent infections – just like his sister had taught him.

She didn't speak to him, she didn't respond when he told her he was done and had to leave. She simply held out her wrist as he locked the handcuff back into place. She'd given up fighting, her body too weak to survive another escape attempt.

It was only when she heard the locks on the door close that she finally let her tears fall.

**Present Day**

"I gave up" Kate sighed.

"Kate, you didn't give up"

"No I did. I let them get inside my head. They told me that my parents didn't want me and I believed them. Owen told me that he would make sure his brother never hurt me and I believed him. I believed every word they said because I just wanted to go home."

"Kate, anyone who went through what you went through was bound to have moments of disbelief. You held up for so long, the walls were bound to fall down eventually."

"Do you think she would hate me?" she asked quietly, averting her eyes from Castle's. "My mom?" she clarified.

"Not a chance. I think she would be so proud of you."

"What is there is be proud of? I haven't done anything."

"You're standing here now aren't you?"

"Yes but..."

"No buts. There are not many people I know that could go through what you did and come back to relive it all again. You're much stronger than you think Kate."

"Thanks Castle" she said smiling softly at him.

She stood for a moment taking in the rooms around her. Whilst she had been a prisoner there she had memorised every detail of it. Taking note of any loose floorboards or which doors creaked and where was best to stand and have the better advantage over them. She'd kept her wits about her, never allowing them to distract her too much and always trying to listen in on their hushed conversations whilst trying to act as detached as possible.

"Did they say anything else to you?"

"No, but they always seemed to be on edge after that, like they didn't know what they were doing any more. I thought they had lost their nerve, or something had gone wrong. They mentioned another guy, called Chris. When Jonathan came back he said that Chris would let them stay with him. Castle, can you find him? If you find him then maybe you will find Jonathan."

"I'll call Esposito and see if he has any known associates. Did you get a last name?"

"No, but it sounded like they were good friends. I heard them talking once, they said that Chris owed him a favour."

"Can you remember when this was?"

"I don't know. I tried keeping track of the days but after a while it became impossible. I guess it may have been four or five months. I had been there a while."

"So possibly January?"

"I guess. Why? Do you think that is important?"

"Kate, your mother was murdered on the ninth of January. If the timeline is right then maybe the reason they became so agitated was because of her murder."

"Because they wouldn't get their money?" she guessed.

"I think it's bigger than that."

"What are you trying to say Castle?"

"I think that your mother murder is connected to this somehow. Think about it. Why would they hold you for so long without a ransom demand? Why would they suddenly become so frantic and be looking for a way out? I think something went wrong and they panicked.

"I didn't know she had died. She had been dead for months and I didn't know"

"Kate there was no way for you to know, not if they didn't want you to"

"What if it was me?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if I was the reason she was killed? What if I annoyed them too much or became too much of a hassle for them?"

"Kate"

"No I'm serious Rick. What if because I refused to do what they asked they went after her? I should have done what they wanted, I shouldn't have fought back. I"

"Kate stop. Look at me." He instructed, grabbing her hands and pulling her closer. "This was not your fault. Do you understand me?"

"But I…"

"No. These people would have done whatever they wanted to in order to get what they needed, you cannot blame yourself for something that is out of your control."

"Rick, I can't…" Kate sobbed, her breath hitching in her throat as the tears began to form in her eyes. "I need to. I can't be."

"I'm taking you home."

Kate shook her head, "I need to explain." She took a deep breath, calming herself once again and gaining control over her trembling voice. "Please, let me explain"

**July 21st 1999 – 23:10 – 41 E. 7****th****. St**

"Hey" Jonathan greeted as he stumbled through the front door.

The heating in the living room has long been turned off as the dark skies descended on the city. The dim lamp in the corner of the room still burned as Owen sat in the worn down arm chair looking longingly out of the window.

"Hey, I said I'm back" Jonathan repeated, drawing Owen's attention from the window and towards him.

"Good shift?" he asked, although he didn't care much about the answer.

"Fine" Owen mumbled, waving his hand dismissively in his direction and rushing to sit opposite Owen. "I heard from him. From Bracken" Jonathan exclaimed.

"What?" Owen asked leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees as if being closer to his brother would help him understand better.

"He called" Jonathan began quickly. It was only then Owen noticed he seemed out of breath, like he had ran home to tell him. "He called an hour ago. He said that we need to get rid of her"

"So it's over?"

"Yeah. Well, he said something about needing to tie up loose ends. He said that if we get rid of her then our debt to him is paid"

"You mean your debt" he corrected.

"Don't start this again. We have a lot to plan, starting with her in there" he said pointing to the bedroom that held their captive.

"You hit her!" Owen sneered, rising from his seat to tower over his brother. "We were told not to harm her. Have you seen what you did to her, do you have any idea how much you hurt her? Hell you could have killed her and then what? What would you have done then? Had me cover it up just like you did with Lucy?"

"Don't bring her into this" Jonathan snapped, standing up to square up to his brother.

"She's the reason all this started, if she hadn't seen you that night she would still be alive and none of this would have happened."

"That was an accident and you know it"

"Yeah right. You were careless. She knew what you were doing, helping them kidnap cops for whatever scheme they had going. You wanted to play with the big boys, you wanted to act like the big man and it got her killed."

"She wasn't even supposed to be there" Jonathan reasoned, but his argument fell on deaf ears.

"She was trying to protect you. She went to that warehouse that night to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life, and it cost her, her own." Owen yelled, moving from the couch to stand in the middle of the living room, no longer able to be near his brother.

"I never meant for anyone to get hurt. We needed the money" Jonathan said softly, turning to face his brother.

"We are always going to need money." Owen reminded him. "But working for them, kidnapping cops, dealing drugs, it wasn't the way. If you hadn't been so stupid then Lucy wouldn't have followed you that night and she wouldn't have been caught by them"

"She shouldn't have been there"

"You shouldn't have been there!" Owen shouted, his temper rising again. He was usually the calmer of the two, always thinking ahead and keeping control of the situation, but that composure slipped away every time Jonathan tried to defend his actions.

"She told Bracken that she would pay to get me out. She said that if he let me out then she would find a way to cover the cost of it. He agreed. He said that for $10,000 I could leave. There was no way we could make that kind of cash, so she offered to do a drop for him. It was supposed to be simple, in and out. She was never supposed to get hurt."

Owen sighed. They had been over this hundreds of times, all the 'what if's' and 'maybe if' but it was all futile. Nothing would change the fact that their sister was dead, they were in over their heads, and if they didn't follow Bracken's orders then they would be next on his hit list.

"So now what? Bracken said we can let her go and all of this will be finished? I don't buy it, something seems off"

"He didn't say let her go. He said we were to get rid of her" Jonathan repeated slowly.

The realization dawned on Owen like a ton of bricks, walking purposely back towards his brother and squaring straight up to him.

"You can't be serious? We have kept her here for months, and now you want to kill her?"

"Look we do this, we go back to living our lives"

"No. we let her go home"

"And then what, Bracken will kill us if we don't. It's our lives or hers." Jonathan told him, his voice heeding no argument. "I've got to go, I'm meeting a mate who can help us out. We'll do it tonight, get it over with, then we can get out of here and never look back" he said quickly, grabbing his wallet and keys and making his way back out the door.

"Jonathan!" Owen called after him. "Jonathan wait" he screamed but his brother was out the door and into the night before he had the chance to follow him.

**Present Day**

"They were arguing that night. I could hear them through the got pretty heated and then I heard the front door slam."

"What happened that night, before we found you?"

"I'd stayed awake most of the night, I wanted to be alert for when Jonathan came back, and eventually I passed out. When I woke up Owen was untying me and telling me that we needed to go. I tried to fight him off, I was so scared they were going to kill me. He asked me if I trusted him, he said that if I did what he told me then I would be going home. I wanted to believe him so badly. He took me to the bathroom and told me to wait but the next thing I knew, Jonathan was back and they were arguing again. I don't remember much. My head hit the mirror there" Kate said, pointing to the cracked mirror of the bathroom cabinet, "I blacked out. When I came to I heard footsteps and locked myself in the bathroom. That was when I heard the people outside."

She stopped to take one last look at the bathroom, it had been her sanctuary on that day, a room with a lock that she controlled, a safe place to hide until someone came to rescue her.

"Did you see what happened, between Owen and Jonathan?"

Kate shook her head, "I just remember being in the bathroom and then Jonathan stormed in, he grabbed my hair and my head hit the cabinet. I remember them arguing and then the gunshot, but after that, there's nothing."

"If you don't mind me asking Kate, why did you let me in, and not any other officers?"

She smiled to herself, wondering when the question would come. "Well not to boost your ego Castle, but I trusted you for some reason. You were willing to come in, unarmed and did what I asked. I could hear them talking about breaking down the door or coming in through the window. It scared me. So when you offered to come inside and didn't ask me to do anything, I knew I could trust you. You were patient with me." she took his hand, allowing his large fingers to wrap around her own. You've been patient ever since" she whispered, dropping her gaze and moving closer to him.

Castle put his arm around her shoulder and guided her back into the living room, closing the bathroom door behind them, as if it would prevent the memories from following her.

"Come on" Castle coaxed, "we're going home"

"We are?" she asked hopefully, and as she watched Castle nod and begin to lead her out of the house and onto the porch the sense of relief that flowed through her was something she had never felt before.

She stopped on the porch, taking one last look inside the house. The dark living room and boarded up windows, shutting out any chance of hope and warmth.

"I don't ever need to come back here?" she asked.

"No. We're leaving Kate, you're free"

A nervous laugh bubbled from her lips, as if she couldn't actually believe that she would never need to go back to that house ever again. She wrapped her fingers around the door handle and pulled the door close signifying the end of her relationship with the house and putting a lid on all the bad memories encased within those four walls. It was as if the chains that bound her emotionally had finally broken releasing her and lifting the weight she carried off her shoulders.

It was over, finally.

Kate was settling herself into the passenger side of Castle's Crown Vic when his phone range. Castle waved her to get in the car as he took the call from Ryan.

"Ryan. Please tell me you got something?"

"I got more than something. Turns out your suspect Jonathan did have a friend, a Chris Johnston. The two go way back. Friends in high school, both dropped out and got a job working at a local garage before Chris was arrested for theft and was fired. Apparently Jonathan fronted him the bail money and the two remained friends. Mr Johnston still lives in his parent's old house up in Brooklyn."

"Great, so can we get a warrant?"

"We don't need to, I sent a unit out to comb the area, and they caught Jonathan Landers one mile from the property. They're bringing him in now"

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**Thank you for reading and your continued support with this story. I really appreciate all the followers, favorites and reviews, and would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.**

**Tumblr: Castlelover47**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle**

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Upon entering the loft Kate visibly relaxed, the weight she had carried on her shoulders for the past hour slipping away, leaving her feeling relaxed and finally at peace. There was still a long way to go, still questioned that needed answering and things she needed to accomplish, but for today, she had done enough.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" Kate asked once inside.

"Course not. You go ahead, I'm sure mother will be home soon and she can cook some dinner. I'm going to head to the precinct for an hour" Castle explained. "I just want to update Ryan and Esposito in person. I won't be long" he said, seeing the way she tensed at the mention of the precinct.

Kate pinched her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes searched his, wanting to ask so many questions about what would happen next, both to her and her captor. How would her life change now that the case was reaching its conclusion. Would she still live with him? Would her dad be able to help her? Would her and Rick still be friends? All questions that required answers far too long to discuss at the bottom of the stairs on a cold Wednesday evening. So instead she settled for the one question that she knew she needed the answer to immediately.

"Will he be there?"

"Possibly, but I won't get to talk to him until the morning. It's late and he's not going anywhere."

"Ok." she breathed. "Well I'm gonna…"

"Yeah. Yeah I'll see you when I get home"

Kate nodded and made her way upstairs. Considering she had spent the day explaining some of the most traumatic events from the past year to Rick, somehow telling him that she was going for a shower felt just as awkward. She'd been living there for almost three weeks now, she should be over simple things such as going for a shower when she wanted and allowing him to make her a morning coffee with any breakfast that she desired. She shouldn't feel the butterflies in her stomach the second he greeted her in the morning or complimented her on how well she was doing. It shouldn't, but she couldn't help that it did.

* * *

"Hey guys" Castle announced as he walked into the bull pen.

His usually upbeat and fast pace walk was gone and instead it was as though he was dragging his body towards his sight of Ryan filling in what could only be a report of them finding Jonathan spurred him further and reminded him exactly why he had come to the precinct at such a late hour.

"Hey Castle" Ryan greeted, signing his name on the file and turning his attention to Castle.

"Where is he?"

"Came in about 10 minutes ago, he's being processed and then going into holding for the night. We can talk to him tomorrow morning" Ryan informed.

"Good."

The air between them was thick. A mixture of anticipation of what the morning held and longing to see him straight away and to get to the bottom of this whole mess. However they couldn't risk doing something against the rules and it coming back to haunt them later. No Jonathan Landers would spend the night in a cell; a thought which pleased Castle greatly. Maybe then he'll feel what it was like for Kate to be looked up in a room with four walls and no way of escaping.

"How's she holding up then?" Ryan asked, diverting the conversation in a light attempt to focus on the positive.

"Honestly? I don't know how she did it. It was tough, and that house, well I don't know how she survived."

"Can't imagine living like that for so long"

"If you can even call it living." Esposito added, settling himself further into the leather chair. "What tipped you anyway?" he asked.

"She was in the living room when Jonathan came in, he mentioned a guy named Chris without realising that she was in the room. It was a longshot at best, but luckily it paid off. We need to get this guy, we can't afford to mess up."

"Well he's being charged with murder, assault, kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment and possession of an illegal firearm. He's not slipping away this time." Ryan said, seeing Castle mentally tick off each crime as they were read aloud.

"She's going to need to ID him though" Espo reminded them.

"I know. I'll make sure she is ready for it in the morning" Castle sighed. He'd put her through enough already and now he was going to make her look the man that took away nine months of her life in the eye. It wasn't fair. None of this felt fair to him.

"Ok, well I'll make sure everything is set up for tomorrow. In the meantime you need to go home, make sure she is ready for tomorrow. We'll see you in the morning"

"Yeah I probably should. Mother is cooking dinner for Kate, I just hope it was edible" he joked, before saying goodbye to Ryan and Esposito and heading out of the 12th.

* * *

After finishing washing up Martha poured a glass of red and moved to the living room to join Kate. Dinner had been lasagna with salad and strawberry ice cream for dessert. Kate had managed to eat a few healthy mouthfuls before stopping. she still couldn't eat too much and didn't like to over stuff herself. Her body was recovering and part of that recovery was getting used to eating full meals again.

Martha rounded the corner of the couch to join Kate, ready to continue their talk from earlier. Throughout the evening she had tried to engage Kate in lighter conversations, asking about what she liked to do and hearing all about her education and dreams for the future. Dreams which Martha assured her, were still possible.

It was then she saw, curled up in a ball with her head resting on the side of the couch. She smiled at the image in front of her. Kate was sleeping soundly, her breathing even and calm as she nestled into the couch even further. Martha took the throw from the other chair and gently laid it over Kate. Taking a moment to brush a piece of Kate's hair back behind her ear, before settling herself on the other couch in the room.

It wasn't long before Martha heard the distinctive sound of the front door being unlocked, telling her that her son was home.

"Mother I'm…"

"Shhhh" Martha whispered, turning on the couch to face the door and pressing her index finger to her lips.

"Sorry" Castle mouthed before gently closing the door and walking into the kitchen.

Martha left her seat on the couch, moving slowly as to not wake Kate and joined her son in the kitchen.

"How's she been?" Rick asked quietly

"Just fine. She fell asleep straight after dinner."

Castle glanced over his shoulder to check that Kate was indeed still sleeping, before turning back to his mother and resting his arms on the kitchen counter to support his weight. The day had been long, and the ache in his shoulders only amplified the fact that he needed to rest just as much as she did.

"Has she said much?" he asked.

"No more than usual."

"I want to make sure she is ok, especially after today. There aren't many people I know who could do what she did today"

He recognised the look his mother was giving him as one that told him she had a burning question to ask. It wasn't often Martha Rogers held back on asking something which she saw as important and this time was no different.

"Richard darling, answer me this. Before her you solved countless cases, and there will be countless more after this one. So tell me, why is it that she is the first one to stay here? Not that I mind, but darling, what makes her case different from the hundreds of other cases that cross your desk?"

"You didn't see her mother. That day when we found her. She was terrified, she'd spent so long with those two monsters that even the simplest thing such as me giving her my jacket made her jump. I couldn't leave her." he explained, his voice low, making sure Kate didn't hear a word of what was said.

"Would her dad not be able to care for her?"

"He was a mess, he didn't even think she was still alive, so when we told him she was, well let's just say it took him a while to really believe it."

"He called earlier"

"He did?"

"Um-hum, asking to see Katherine. He said he has some of her mother's things that he thought she might like."

"I'll tell her to call him, maybe he could come round tomorrow evening, after we've been to the station"

"Is Katherine really going to have to see him?"

"It's standard procedure, she needs to identify him"

Martha took another sip of her wine, taking in her son's longing expression for the sleeping woman on their couch.

"She's tough that one" she commented.

"Yeah she is" Castle smiled. "I best get her to bed, she can't sleep down here"

"Oh no darling don't wake her, you know she hasn't been sleeping well"

"And have her waking up with a stiff neck in the morning? No, It's fine I'll sort it, you go on up to bed, I'll see you in the morning"

"Goodnight Richard"

Once Martha had made her way upstairs Castle turned his attention back to Kate. He thought about leaving her there, she was sleeping soundly in he thought must be the first time in weeks, that or she had finally succumbed to exhaustion.

For once he thought she actually looked peaceful, and still, no dreams, no nightmares, just blissful rest. He wondered when the last time she had felt like that was, when she hadn't needed to be on alert, or wake up and remind herself that she was alive.

He moved around her slowly, thinking of the best way to do this. He should wake her really, if she knew that he planned on carrying her, she would surely say no and march her weak body up the stairs on her own accord, regardless of how tired she was. But after the day she'd had, he wasn't about to give her the option.

Gently, and with great care he slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her waist and slowly lifted her into his arms. She was light, even though she was eating more she was still far too underweight for his liking. He steadied his grip before making his way up the stairs with Kate gently cradled in his arms. He paused when he felt her move slightly, she curled her body further into his chest, pressing her nose to his collarbone and sighing softly. Once he was sure she wasn't waking up he continued the journey up the stairs.

Once in the guest room he laid her softly on the bed, pulling back the covers and letting her sink into the warm bed.

Leaving her bedside lamp on he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, avoiding the loose floorboard in his attempts not to wake her. Taking one final glance to see that she was curling herself further into the bed he closed the door and made his way back downstairs. That was a sight he could get used to seeing, Kate Beckett soundly asleep under his roof.

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**To all my lovely readers, thank you again for taking the time to read, review, follow and favourite. I appreciate each review that I get and they really make me want to do this story justice, so thank you.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

* * *

"You're sure he can't see me?"

"I'm sure"

"What do I need to do again?" Kate asked, looking up to meet his gaze.

"They will step forward one by one, if you see anyone you recognize you just tell me." Castle explained.

Kate nodded showing her understanding. He'd already told her once before what she needed to do, but her nerves stopped her from taking in exactly what he had said. She stood in front of the window to the other room, the shades still lowered, for now at least. Castle's strong presence at her side formed a comforting statue to lean on. She had tried to hold it together the entire morning, never letting on that the thought of coming face to face with her captor sent a chill through her bones. To see his face once more, to look into his unforgiving eyes and know that it was all up to her. She knew she couldn't make a mistake, she couldn't let her mom down, no matter how much she wanted to run and never look back.

"What if I make a mistake?" she asked, her voice wavering as if saying it out loud only made her fear the consequences more.

"What do you mean?"

"What if I don't recognize the right man?" she began, sucking air into her lungs as she began to ramble, "I only saw his face that one time and it was only briefly and then the second time was when he smashed my head into the mirror and I don't remember his face clearly. What if I pick the wrong one and the real Jonathan gets away? What if he come back for me, what if…"

"Stop" Castle interrupted, grabbing her hand and forcing her to look at him. "Stop" his whispered, his voice breaking as he saw the fear dancing in her eyes. "You're not going to do this wrong. You can take as long as you need and I'll be here the whole time."

"What if I let her down?" she whispered, turning back to face the shades.

"Kate, you can't let her down. You can't change the past Kate, but you can change your future. By doing this now, you are not only freeing yourself, but you're helping possible victims in the future. You're not going to let anyone down Kate, I promise you."

Kate nodded, his words swirled in her mind. She knew he was right, she trusted him more than she trusted her own judgement sometimes. He had been right about many things and this was no different. He was not just her protector anymore, he was her friend, and a true friend at that.

"Let's get this over with"

The determination in her voice clear as Castle communicated to Ryan to raise the shades and proceed with the line-up.

As soon as the shades were up she recognized him immediately. Number three. He stood holding a small card that read the number, his fingers dirty and dry just like she had remembered. He wore dark jeans that were ripped around the edges and a checked shirt over a grey t-shirt. He was a large man, over six feet tall and built like an ox. His arm muscles protruded out of the shirt and the tribal tattoo on his arm snaked its way around his bicep. His face was slightly paler than what she remembered, with scruff that was at least a few days old. When she had seen him last he had been cleaned shaved and most of his features were covered by a mask, but his eyes were always visible. His eyes were dark, like black holes that bore right to his soul. There was no remorse there, no shred of decency that showed he felt somewhat guilty. Instead he stood there, calm and collected. He rolled his eyes when it was his turn to step forward, before trudging one boot in front of the other and staring directly into the glass.

She was sure he could see her, he was looking straight at her with the same look that he always had. One that made her fear everything that he resembled. A lump formed in her throat, and no matter how hard she tried to swallow it and tell Castle that he was their man, she just couldn't.

"Do you see anyone you recognize Kate?"

His prompt seemed to help, giving her the opportunity to nod her head and flick her eyes between Castle and Jonathan. Castle didn't need her to say any more. He knew they had their man.

* * *

"You're a hard man to find Mr Landers" Castle commented as he circled the interrogation room holding the case file firmly in his grasp. He had to control himself, he couldn't let his personal feelings get in the way of nailing this guy. He practically had to beg the Captain to let him interrogate Jonathan, especially after having Kate stay with him. Luckily he'd been allowed, under strict orders that he was not to cross any boundaries and that Esposito and Ryan would be in the observation room in case Jonathan Landers decided to get violent.

"What's the matter, nothing to say?" he asked, receiving only a shrug from Jonathan, who sat slumped in the metal chair on the other side of the table.

Castle walked over and dropped the file down onto the table, allowing the sound to echo in the metal box for a few seconds before grabbing the chair and sitting himself down.

"Why did you kidnap Katherine Beckett?"

"I don't know who you're talking about" Jonathan announced, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

"We found you up in Brooklyn, you were a long way from home"

"I needed a trip away. It's not a crime to take a little vacation now and then is it?" the sarcasm dripped from his voice, forcing Castle to try and remain calm in the face of a monster.

Castle had seen many criminals in his time. Some try to deny it, others take the sanity plea, and then there are some that are proud of what they have done, and wear their kill like a badge of honor.

"No it's not, but you weren't taking a vacation were you? You were hiding from the police because you kidnapped a young girl and then killed your own brother"

"Those are some pretty strong allegations Detective, but I'd like to see you try and prove any of those" he sneered, leaning forward on the desk to square up to Castle.

"Oh we can prove them alright" Castle pulled out a DNA document from the file and placed it on the table. "This is a document showing that we matched your DNA to our crime scene where we found the deceased body of Owen Landers and where Katherine Beckett was rescued. We also found your prints on this Revolver, which ballistics has proven was the same gun that killed your brother. It's over Jonathan and if you don't start talking you will go away for the rest of your life. You will die in prison."

Castle could see he had broken him, the evidence always did. There was no way that Jonathan was smart enough to talk his way out of this. Castle could see the defeat in his eyes. He watched him sigh and pick up the image of his brother and Kate.

"It doesn't matter if I tell you. I'm dead either way."

It wasn't the reaction Castle was expecting, but he knew if he was going to get any more information, scaring him wasn't going to work. He needed to get him to trust him, and then maybe they would be able to end this.

"If you tell me who hired you I will help to protect you" he said calmly.

"You can't protect me. Not from them"

"Tell me who hired you" Castle repeated slowly, emphasizing each word systematically.

"I can't. He'll kill me."

"If you don't tell me you will go away for life without parole. Give me a name and I'll tell the DA you co-operated. You will go to prison. You'll be old but you'll be out."

"You put me in prison and I'll be dead within a week. Why should I help you, I'm going to die either way?"

"What was your assignment then?" Castle asked, diverting the subject somewhat.

"We were told to kidnap her. Hold her for two weeks maximum until we received a call. After that we would let her go. We made sure she didn't see our faces or where she was, that way she wouldn't be able to identify us."

"Why her?"

"We weren't told"

"I find it hard to believe that you didn't ask. Someone asks you to kidnap someone and you don't ask why. I don't buy it"

"It was better for me. I didn't ask because I didn't want to know. Nobody was supposed to get hurt"

"But you did hurt her didn't you? I've seen what you did to her"

"If she had done as she was told then I wouldn't have needed to hurt her. I was just trying to scare her"

"But instead you scarred her for life"

"I told you, nobody was supposed to get hurt. It was supposed to be simple, we planned it so we would barely interact with her. We planned to keep her in that room, only go in when we needed to and then let her go, take our money and leave. Things just got out of hand"

"You held her there for almost nine months. Why didn't you let her go once the two weeks were up?"

"We couldn't. If we did, then it would be our necks on the line. It seemed easier to just keep her and wait until the whole thing settled down."

"How did your brother feel about that?"

"He was fine with it at first. He said that as long we got our money then we should carry on with the plan. That was until he went all soft and started helping her. This was all her fault. If she had done as she was told in the first place, then nobody would have got hurt!"

"By no one do you mean your brother? You shot him, you killed him"

"That was an accident, he was going to blow the whole thing!"

"Accident or not he's still dead, and I bet if you'd had the time you would have killed Kate as well"

"No." He said calm yet firm. "I'm many things but I'm most certainly not a killer. Not after Lucy. I would never, never force someone to go through that"

"Who's Lucy?" Castle asked. They only had limited information on his family, so to hear it from his perspective would increase their chance of building a bond.

"She is, _was _my sister" he sighed, letting his bravado drop with it.

"Tell me about Lucy, what happened to her?"

"She was trying to help me. I was in too deep with these guys, powerful men who do whatever they want and don't need to care about the consequences. She was trying to get me out of that life, and they killed her for it."

"I'm going to need a name Jonathan. If you want me to help you, you need to give me a name"

"You'll protect me?"

"If you confess to killing Owen Landers, kidnapping Katherine Beckett and give me a name, then I promise you, I will make sure you are protected inside.

"When I was working for the gang I reported to a man named Raglan. He was the one who organised the jobs. When I messed up they took me to a guy called Lazarus"

"Lazarus? An alias I presume?"

Castle watched Jonathan fidget in his seat, his eyes dropped to the microphone in front of them. He was hiding something, something important, but if he knew the real name of this Lazarus figure he wasn't about to give it up that easily.

"I don't know. He told me that if I didn't do this job for him then he would kill me and my brother." Jonathan continued, conveniently diverting the conversation away from the mysterious figure and back onto himself. "He explained that he needed me to hold someone for a couple of weeks until he got some information that he needed. He made it sound simple. He said that once he had the information he needed, then we were to release the girl and we were never to show our faces again. He promised us enough money to get us out of town, I assumed it was the ransom money."

"Did you hear any other names mentioned?"

"I can't remember, there was a few of them. There was one guy, a big guy, I think he was called Dick Coonan. He seemed to be the right hand man. He was the guy that Lazarus said would deal with me if things went wrong."

"Was he who you were hiding from?"

Jonathan nodded slowly.

"The day I... the day Owen was killed, I went to speak to Lazarus again. I told him that we would just let her go, that she was too scared to say anything. He told me that if she wasn't dead by the end of the day then both me and my brother would be. I had to do it, I couldn't lose him as well. But when I got back, Owen was ready to let her go, I tried to tell him, I tried to explain to him that if we let her go then we would be killed but he wasn't listening. If he had just listened to me. We fought and the gun went off, I never meant to hurt him, it all happened so quickly. I thought that he was just hurt so I went to get Kate, but then I heard someone knocking on the door and I fled. I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Castle stared hard at the man sitting opposite him. He had stared down many a criminal in this very room and with his years of people watching as well as detective training and experience he knew that the man in front of him had closed off. Questioning him further and pushing him now would be futile. Jonathan was clearly afraid of the man who had hired him, and now he needed to find out exactly why.

"Alright Jonathan. You can now go back to holding before being processed. We will make sure you are put in segregated holding for your own protection."

"No one can protect me detective. He's bigger than you know"

Castle watched as a uniform led Jonathan away. His posture held remorse but his walk was also one of a broken man who knew that he was done. One who if Castle had been passing on the street, he'd assume had been dealt a horrible deck of cards in this game of life. The tormented look in Jonathan's eyes when he told him that no one could help him shook Castle to his core. Clearly whoever it was who hired him, had some serious pull. Castle begun to wonder what was really at play here.

Katherine Beckett was barely an adult when she had been abducted and abused. She was not the reason why this whole thing took place. No, children were normally targeted because of their parents and what they had to offer. However, no ransom was asked of her parents. So what was it that they wanted from them? Her mother had dropped most of her cases. Was that due to stress from her daughter's kidnapping or was that what whoever was in charge wanted? Then, Johanna Beckett turned up dead in the alley. He remembered Jonathan's statement _"it was only suppose to be for two weeks and then we were suppose to get a call"_

Kate was held for more than two weeks. Had this been what caused the change in plan? Was this whole thing really about Johanna Beckett? A case she worked maybe?

"Hey, Castle. You've been here for awhile now, you okay" Ryan's concerned tone interrupted his racing thoughts.

"Just thinking," he paused before continuing. "Hey, Ryan could you do me a favor and look into the cases Johanna was working on before she was killed. I have a hunch that the kidnapping and her murder is related. We just need to find out why and we have our guy."

"Will do boss. "

"Where did Kate go?" Castle asked, looking around the bullpen.

"Esposito took her to get a coffee, they should be in the break room. We didn't want her sitting here with him walking past."

"Good thinking. I need to write up this report and then get Kate home"

"She's going home? To her dad?"

"Sorry no, the loft." he corrected Ryan, feeling a twinge of awkwardness at the fact he had just classed his home as Kate's home as well. "She's going to stay with me until she finds a place of her own. We're still sorting out her bank details and her dad's place is only one bedroom. I have the room and she feels comfortable there. It's just temporary for a few more weeks"

"Makes sense, especially after everything she has been through. She was still weary to leave your desk and go with Javi."

"She's still jumpy, but I think having mother around helps her. Her dad is coming round later and I was going to see if she wanted Lanie to come round this weekend. Thought I'd get some work done and they can make a day of it."

"Yeah, sounds good, like you said, it will probably do her some good. Well, I'll get started, I'll let you know as soon as I have something"

"Thanks Ryan"

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**Once again thank you to all my lovely readers and those who reviewed the previous chapter. I couldn't believe how many reviews that last chapter got so a huge thank you from me and I hope you continue to enjoy and review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

* * *

The break room was much quieter than the floor of the precinct, and Kate was grateful for the peace it offered on a day that she couldn't wait to end.

Considering the late hour the precinct was still buzzing with people. Far too many people for Kate to enjoy being in the presence of, so when Javi had offered to take her into the break room and get her a coffee, she jumped at the chance.

However once alone with Detective Esposito her heart beat began to increase and her palms became clammy. It wasn't him. She knew that much. He was nice, he asked her how she liked her drink, if she needed anything else and how she was holding up. He wasn't the problem; the handcuffs clinking together around his waist however were proving more of an issue. It wasn't the sight of them, but more the sound of the metal clinking together.

"Kate?" Detective Esposito asked, placing a mug of coffee in front of Kate and pulling up a chair opposite her. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, fine." Kate said quickly, taking the coffee and letting the piping hot liquid run down her throat.

"You did well today. He's going to go away for a long time for what he put you through."

"I just did what Rick… Detective Castle asked. He's really taken care of me these past few weeks. I know he didn't have to."

"He cares about you. It's what makes him a good cop, he invests in his victims."

"But he has gone above and beyond for me. I can't help but worry that I won't be able to repay him"

"Castle doesn't want repaying. He wants to catch the men who did this to you and get justice for you. We all do. You ever need anything, you don't be afraid to ask, ok?"

"Ok. Thank you Detective Espositio"

"Call me Javi. I'll go see if they have finished up in there"

He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze before leaving the break room and heading back to his desk. Kate stayed seated, slowing sipping her coffee and taking in the soothing silence.

The precinct was still a place she dreaded coming to, too many people whom she didn't know, who carried weapons and charged past her in their rush to get to a crime scene. The handcuffs they each held were a constant reminder of the scars she had been left with, both physically and mentally. It was only then she realized that she had never seen Castle with his handcuffs, and she was now sure that that wasn't a coincidence. He had been trying to shield her from anything that would even remotely remind her of her past. He had been wrapping her up in the present and encouraging her to move on and face her fears, not dwell in the darkness of her nightmares.

Once she was back at the loft she finally relaxed. The loft was a safe haven for her, with things she recognized and controlled. Taking a cab from the station to the loft on her own had felt like one of her biggest achievements so far. After telling Castle repeatedly that she would be absolutely fine taking a cab on her own she'd made her way out onto the busy streets of the city. Usually that would have scared her. Normally she would have put her head down and raced to wherever she needed to be, without taking in any of her surroundings. However today was different. She knew no one was looking for her, no one was still out to get her and take her away again. Today she was free to wander the city without having to watch her back for any New Yorker that might brush past her and send her straight into panic mode. Today had been so different. She had time to take in the bright colors of the trees in the park, the smell of the hot pretzels cooking by the side of the road and the laughter of friends meeting up over a coffee. It was then she realized how much she had missed the city, and how much she longed to get her life back to normal.

Her father knocking on the door was a welcoming sound in the silence of the loft. As much as she loved the peace and quiet the loft offered, she knew she had spent far too long contemplating her life in the silence of a cold room. She longed for a room filled with family and friends that could help her forget her past.

"Hi Katie" Her dad greeted, as she opened the door. His well-practiced greeting, washing over her like a wave of calmness and she leaned into his embrace.

"Hey Dad. I've missed you" she whispered into his worn coat.

Their hug lasted longer than usual, each wanting to hold one another for just a second more. It was her dad that finally gave in and pulled away.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to come around sooner but I… well I didn't know if you would want me to"

"Of course I want you to. Please don't be a stranger."

"I won't" Her father relaxed, letting his shoulders drop and a smile appeared on his face. Reaching down to grab a box he followed Kate into the apartment and into towards the couch. "I brought some things for you. There isn't much, mostly just things that your mother kept, personal items that I think she would have liked you to have."

"Thanks Dad" Kate replied, taking the box from him and putting it near her on the couch.

"Have you been? To the cemetery?" he clarified.

"No."

"Do you plan on going?"

"At some point. I feel like if I go, it means she's really gone." The tears pricked in her eyes as she picked up the cardboard box and placed it on her lap.

The box in her lap was heavy, weighed down with more than just objects, but memories of each day in her mother's life. Some objects she recognised immediately, her small jewelry box with images on the sides, her figurine of a parade of elephants that used to sit on her desk and a smaller trinket box which held her mother's engagement ring.

"After she died, I didn't want to have a funeral because I wanted you there. I didn't want to accept that I had lost you both"

"Dad you didn't lose me" Kate said taking her father hand, reinforcing that she was there, alive and well and back at home.

"Once she was buried I had somewhere to go to, somewhere to feel close to her again."

"I just want to see her one more time, just once more would be enough. Just to tell her I love her and that I'm sorry"

"I thought the same. Just five minutes would be enough. But it would never be enough. She knew how much you loved her. Every day when you were missing she would go into your room just to see if you had come home. She kept your room tidy and she always made an extra portion for dinner just in case you came home. She never gave up on you. She loved you with all her heart Katie"

"I just miss her so much Dad. I don't want it to be real. It can't be real. I can't not ever see my mom again" the tears streamed down her face freely and she choked back sobs before her body collapsed into her dad's arms.

His arms wrapped around her, just like they had when she was a child, protecting her from the evils in the world and promising to never leave her again.

"I miss her too. Every day. But the day I found out I had you back, I felt that I got a part of her back as well. She will always be with you Katie. She'll always be looking out for you"

With Castle working late and Martha away at a rehearsal, Kate took the time to enjoy the calm of the loft. After her dad had left she had prepared dinner for later in the evening and settled down to read one of the many books available to her. However no matter how many times she read over the same line her eyes constantly wandered to the small statue of elephants on parade that her dad had given her earlier. They were her mom's, she kept them on her desk and on the rare occasion that she would have to go to work with her mom, young Katie would sit and stare at the elephants, thinking about how much of a family they were. One day her mom told her that they were a family just like them, that they supported each other and kept each other safe.

Kate placed the elephants on the bookshelf, she'd moved some books around earlier in the day and claimed one of the shelves as her own, and filling it with the books she intended to read. The elephants stood proudly in the center. She knew Rick wouldn't mind, he had been doing everything he could to make her feel at home, and this would help her even more.

The day passed quickly. Kate managed to get some of her exercises done in preparation for her final appointment at the hospital next week. She even managed to do some research into apartments for rent and jobs in the area. She didn't want anything too stressful to start with, maybe just an admin job, or working in a restaurant. But she craved the excitement, she wanted a job that she loved and could do well. Going back to college was something that would have to wait for now, she knew there was no way she was ready to move away and completely commit to an intense course, when she was only just managing to get through the week without her thoughts trailing back to the horrors she had experienced. But, she needed a distraction, a way to get through the day and take her mind off everything else.

Once Castle arrived home, they made a quick dinner and settled onto the couch. Neither of them felt like doing much, the day had been long and strenuous for both of them, so slumping on the couch and doing nothing for the rest of the evening sounded like pure bliss.

But there was something between them. An atmosphere that could only be described as tense, but in the best way possible. They were comfortable around each other, they had grown to know each other well and take care of each other. Kate had convinced herself that she needed Castle to continue helping her and he had convinced himself that she needed him. They cared for each other.

He had looked after her from the moment they had rescued her from her own prison. He had made sure she was safe and well. He had helped her rebuild her life and catch the man who did this to her. They still needed to know whom he was working for, but for now it was enough just to see her relax in the evening and not keep glancing at the door to check if someone was coming for her. Every time he looked at her, he saw her strength grow every day. Each day she became more like the person he imagined she used to be; strong, smart and beautiful. He wanted to keep her that way forever, he wanted to watch her take back all the control she had lost. He wanted to be by her side whilst she did that.

"So Star Wars movie marathon and popcorn sound good to you?" Castle offered, noticing that neither of them had spoken for at least five minutes.

"That sounds great right about now" Kate sighed, letting herself sink further into the couch whilst Rick set about getting the movie ready.

Kate pulled the throw across her lap and settled into the corner of the couch. Rick joined her, placing the popcorn between them and grabbing the other corner of the throw for himself.

He had been skeptical about her choice of movie for the night, wondering if she had only chosen it to please him or because she felt as though she couldn't say no, but twenty minutes into the film it was evident that she was more than happy with the choice.

The first film passed too quickly and before they knew it, it was one in the morning and they had made it through two and a half films before they finally decided to call it a night.

Rick found himself following Kate upstairs and whilst she changed, he made sure there was a hot water bottle ready, a glass of water and some painkillers. He knew that the past few days had been stressful. Physically she was healing, there was no denying that, but it eased his mind knowing that if she was in pain, he could help her deal with it.

Kate emerged from the bathroom in a sleep shirt and pajama shorts with her hair scraped back into a messy bun and in her hands the cream Rick had been helping her apply every night.

Tonight was no different, as Kate sat on the edge of the bed and Rick worked the cream into her back. It had healed well and only a few of the larger marks remained. His hands were warm and soft, allowing her to relax into the feeling and let her mind wander. Thinking back, she realised how stupid she had been in her reluctance to ask her help, because she needed it. She could try to be as strong as and put on the facade that she was fine, but the reality was far from the truth. It still hurt her to put too much pressure on her back, sleeping on it had only just become bearable, yet she had been trying her best to find comfortable positions. Too much exercise was still a problem as her body got tired much easier than it used to, but she refused to give up. She had come this far, and she wasn't about to back down now.

"Kate?"

Rick's voice pulled her from her thoughts as she felt him touch her shoulders, letting her know that he was finished.

"Sorry, thanks Rick. How's it looking?"

"Better. Much better. I think in a few more days it should be completely healed."

"Good" she smiled, "Rick, there is something I've been meaning to talk to you about"

"Ok?" Uncertainty laced his voice as he straighten up and looked directly into her hazel eyes.

"I've been thinking about our, well our situation here. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you have done for me because I really do, but I just think that maybe soon I should start looking for my own place and I was hoping you would help me?" Kate finally took a breath and anxiously awaited his response.

"Kate, I would be more than happy to help you, but you know you are welcome to stay here for as long as you need, don't you?"

"I know, and it will be a while before I am ready to move out but I thought I should start looking. I was also going to look at college courses again, maybe I could finish my studies?"

"Do you think you're ready to go back to college?"

"I don't know. It was one of the things I was going to talk to Dr Burke about."

"Well whatever you decide, I will back your play."

"Thanks Castle" she paused. The air between them was thick and warm, and she couldn't help but long for his comforting touch. Just a hug to say goodnight or even for him to press into her shoulder once more, before slipping away into the night. Anything, but this awkwardness that filled the air between them. "well it's late and I should really be getting to bed." She said, thinking of the only thing she could to put a stop the roller coaster of feelings that were currently flashing through her mind.

"Yeah, of course. Well if you need anything, just come and get me, ok?"

"Ok, thanks Rick, you really don't have to do this"

"I want to do this. I'll see you tomorrow"

It was his smile that reassured her that Esposito was right, he did care about her. He wasn't letting her stay because he felt like he was obliged to, and he wasn't helping her each day because she needed him to. It was because he wanted to.

She fell to sleep that night with only that thought in her mind.

The next morning the loft was unusually quiet when Kate made her way downstairs just after seven. Castle was normally finishing up his breakfast on making his way out of the door. Martha was usually sleeping in, so it tended to be just the two of them for breakfast. However by the lack of dishes in the sink, Kate knew Castle had either skipped breakfast this morning or was running extremely late.

A loud thud from the bedroom confirmed her suspicions as Castle came racing from the bedroom, his shirt untucked, clutching his keys and phone in one hand and his badge and handcuffs in another. He rushed to the kitchen dropping the items onto the counter and proceeded to tuck his shirt in and run a hand through his untamed hair.

"Morning Kate, sorry I'm running late. Overslept" he explained in a hurry. "Guess staying up late and watching Star Wars wasn't the greatest idea on a weeknight, right?" he suggested, grabbing his keys and phone and shoving them into this pocket. "Did you sleep ok?" he asked, finally looking up and standing still for a moment. "Kate?" he asked, noticing how she was stood, frozen like a statue staring at the counter. His eyes followed her gaze onto the worktop, right where his badge and handcuffs lay. "Oh God, Kate, I'm sorry" he apologized, quickly grabbing the cuffs and shoving them in his back pocket. "I didn't think, I'm sorry, I should never have…"

"No" she interrupted, her voice stronger than he had anticipated. "No. It's ok."

"Kate, it's not."

"Rick, I can't start panicking every time I see a pair of cuffs, or hear the sound of metal. It just took me by surprise that's all. But I'm ok, I promise" she smiled.

"Are you sure" he asked softly.

"I'm positive. Now, do you have time for a coffee before you set off?"

Castle glanced at his watch. He really didn't have time, he needed to be in work by half past seven and there was no way he would make it there on time now. That fact, coupled with the idea of spending more time with Kate, made his decision extremely easy.

"I'm already late, one coffee won't make that much difference"

"Good" Kate smiled, "you sit down, I'll make the coffee" the happiness she felt that he had decided to stay was something new and exciting to her. And something she would like to get used to.

* * *

**I just want to say that I am extremely sorry that this update has come so late. I have started a new job that is taking up pretty much all of my time at the moment, however I do feel very bad for leaving it so long without an update.**

**To those who are still sticking with me, thank you so much, I really appreciate it, but I understand it has been so long. Hopefully the next update won't be too far away.**

**Please let me know your thoughts. I really appreciate all my readers, followers and reviews, you're the best!**

**H. x**


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